Scouting, Volume 79, Number 4, September 1991 Page: 18
98, E1-E12, [16] p. : ill. (some col.) ; 28 cm.View a full description of this periodical.
Extracted Text
The following text was automatically extracted from the image on this page using optical character recognition software:
Family
Talk
When parents deal
with sibling
rivalry the goal
should be to
maintain peace in
the home by making
sure that each
child feels
special.
By Margaret Gibson
Dr. Margaret Gibson is a
teacher, counselor, and
educational consultant.
She is a member of the
learning and teaching
department staff at
Rutgers University and
conducts workshops for
teachers and parents.
Promoting
Family Harmony
tv A/t ,
program "HE'S ALWAYS PICKING
on me and you take his side."
"Why can't I go to the mall alone?"
"How come she gets to stay up late?"
"His piece of cake is bigger than mine!"
When does this sibling competition begin?
Mommy took newborn Johnny home from the
hospital. Grandma held him and said, "Wel-
come home, Johnny. This is your grandmother
speaking." Two-year-old Jenny looked at
Johnny and said, "No it isn't, Johnny. It's
Jenny's grandmother speaking!"
Children start life able to consider the
world only from their point of view. As they
grow, they need reassurance that, although
the world is very populated, they are special,
particularly at home.
Part of our self-image comes from the way
we are treated. If we think we are being
treated special, we feel special. When we feel
special, we have a good self-image and are able
to share, cope with problems, and strive to-
ward our potential.
Sibling rivalry is to be expected. The fam-
ily's goal is to promote harmony while helping
each child feel special. To reach those goals
parents might try these techniques:
• "7" to "7." Teach children to give "I-mes-
sages." An "I-message" tells how a person
feels and what he or she wants to happen. The
listener respects the right of a person to have
feelings. Two people using "I-messages"
avoid name-calling and accusations. Parents
use I-messages to demonstrate the activity
and to show that they have feelings, too.
Parent to child : "I feel annoyed when I am
put in the middle of the arguments between
you and Joey. I would like you to settle your
own differences, then let me know how things
turn out."
Child to Joey: "I feel frustrated when I
don't get a chance to watch any of my videos. I
want to work out a schedule with you so we
can both have a turn."
Parent to child: "You are disappointed that
you can't stay up later. I am concerned about
your health because you seem to have such
difficulty waking up and getting ready in the
morning. When you get up and get ready by
yourself, you and I can decide on a later bed-
time."
Parent to child: "You feel cheated that your
piece of cake isn't as big as your brother's. It
seems that you have a hard time finishing a
piece of cake and I feel responsible for seeing
that food doesn't go to waste. When you eat all
of the smaller piece, you can begin to choose
the size you want to finish."
• Yea, Team! Family harmony can be fostered
by working toward a common goal. Some
ways to do this are:
All pitch in to see how quickly they can
clean up the basement so everyone can go to
the beach.
All help Susan sell candy so she can go on
the school field trip.
Everybody attends the pack meeting to
cheer Billy's den.
Every family member (including toddlers)
celebrates individual achievements (milk and
cookies after a swim meet or recital).
• Specialty of the House. In today's society, it
takes creative scheduling for each child to re-
ceive special time with a parent.
Giving such times varies with the age and
interest of the child: 10 minutes daily to play
"Catch Ball" with 3-year-old Kevin, 20 min-
utes twice a week to watch Sally in her new
dance routine, one hour weekly to practice
basketball shots with 10-year-old Robbie.
The important thing is that each child has
exclusive time with the parent—no phone calls
or interruptions.
Special time is for companionship, no criti-
cism allowed. Examples are:
• Read a story to a child or have the child read
to you.
• Play backyard ball games (golf, volleyball,
badminton).
• Learn a skill from your child (for example, a
new computer game).
• Make cookies or frozen treats.
• Take a bicycle ride. (This offers less chance of
interruptions.)
To prove that each child is special, ask for,
and accept, suggestions for problem-solving,
team activities, and special time. Allow chil-
dren to promote family harmony. ■
18
September 1991 Scouting
Upcoming Pages
Here’s what’s next.
Search Inside
This issue can be searched. Note: Results may vary based on the legibility of text within the document.
Tools / Downloads
Get a copy of this page or view the extracted text.
Citing and Sharing
Basic information for referencing this web page. We also provide extended guidance on usage rights, references, copying or embedding.
Reference the current page of this Periodical.
Boy Scouts of America. Scouting, Volume 79, Number 4, September 1991, periodical, September 1991; Irving, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth353571/m1/18/: accessed April 24, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Boy Scouts of America National Scouting Museum.