c1 PERSONALITIES Maud Fraud prominent Gardner socialite protested at a recent de- votional the primitive living con- ditions to which Gardnerites are subjected. "Why should we be forced to live in a temporary structure lo- cated a great 'cfistance from the campus?" querie&Fraud. She said she understood why some of the men were forced to live in the bar- racks but she did not see why "some of the girls should have to live in similar conditons." Proposing a solution Fraud said that the boys could be moved from McDonald which used to be a girls dorm into the barracks. The girls could then be moved from obsolete Gardner into McDonald. "Then Gardner could be torn down and the new beautiful mod- ern girls' dorm that we have been promised for so long could be : built" added Fraud who holds it .? '-'.that since Gardner is bv far in the M. -..-'Worst condition of all the temnor- S c . ary ounaings it snouia oe replaced first. Concluding her proposal Fraud said "I hope the school will use my proposal as I have had a cold all winter from sitting in the draft." W;H. 5 vS 41 -W Mergetroid Bafcf1 sprint spinster recently inked to' 'a Wheaties-ACC contract of champions has snatch- ed another photo finish victory away from Bible major B. Hein Timz. Barf who attributes his spectac- ular performance to the expert tut- elage of Olympic champion Earl Plummer snapped the tape in an amazing 8.6 seconds. . The meet held during chapel was inspired by the wild melee of ecstatic worshippers who daily vault from their pre-assigned pews in an attempt to be the first to pass from Sewell's portals with the Good News. B. Hein Timz evidently surpris- ed by Barf as he roared past the previous record holder was com- pletely?$keA jttt'fcftard asahe had his head bowed at the time and was only made aware of the sprint- er's approach when the chapel checker inadvertently dropped his pencil and leaned over to pick it up thus poking his head clear through the one-way mirror. Said Timz "It was fixed . . . they had it rigged upstairs." Barf gagging for air only com- mented a whimsical "Ain't I pretty ... I ain't even marked." And he wasn't. SPORTS An Ad For Easter The casual newspaper reader would have passed lightly over the ad; it was unly a brief squib in the classified section: For sale: One used electric guitar with amplifier. Make me an offer. Charlie Easter. Write Box 69 ACC Station. No phone calls please. However as the ad salesmen are quick to point out advertising ' talks. And in this case it was bab- bling a pretty lurid tale. When queried about his motives in discarding the guitar Easter re- plied: "It's not that I've lost my interest in music it's just that I can detect a real conflict in interest here. One fellow has already re- minded me of it personally you might gay." Easter who is hoping to earn a pass over to the Tokyo Olympic games in his half-mile speciality explained further: "Let's just say that I had a slight disagreement with a lofty associate who has since gone on to seek higher things else- where." The blond-eyed gaitster;who has been understandedly close-mouthed about the whole affair con- cluded: "This fellow has a problem; he's always working at crossing the bar. Rather than risk another ex- ercise in applied human relations I've just decided to forego my mu- sical career." Then he added wistfully: "I wish I'd had a couple more days to work on that last song though. It was a real jaw-breaker!" BOOKS The American public has; over the 'years grown to know and love the mauldin reminiscences of de- mure sophisticated Raymond Fool- erton. This week Foolerton's first book I'm So Pretty a collection of his journalistic writings will be published. Readers will be wise to order copies in advance since the first edition is sure to be quck- ly exhausted. In his first piece Foolerton ejac- ulates "I love the Alpha Cow sor- ority and the two or three girls in it who will speak to me." Then he lists those fortunate damsels' each" of who will undoubtedly want a copy of this book. In the second article Foolerton fondles the earth-shattering issue of whether his group of male cheerleaders should wear short skirts or slim-jims. He appeals to his loyal public for an answer. The remainder of his writing is equally stimulating and provocative. They Said It: Dee Nutt: "Any good basketball player can play 14 games in nine days and still be ready for more." Mike Love: "I am the greatest!" Frank Fogelsong: "No I have not had an offer from Cus D - Amato." Jim Reynolds: "Are we gonna win? I'm playing ain't I!" Mike Love: "I am the greatest!" Roger Orrell: "When I grow up v I am "going 'io be an actor." : . Bill McClure: "Oliver who?" Oliver Jackson: ".Bill who?" Mike Love: "I am the greatest." Raymond Fullerton: "Both of my friends are the greatest!" Q O !J l &ud &t At W r
