From Hell to Breakfast Page: 79
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LEAVES OF MESQUITE GRASS
and black paint, were pointing their arrows right plum at me"... he
paused. "Good gracious!" cried Uncle Josh, "if yonder ain't those
plaguey cattle right into the truck patch agin, as sure as shootin,"
and off he went after them at a 2-40 lick; and to this day, this is
all I ever heard about "his fight with the Ingins over on the Llano!"
The "Harp of a Thousand Strings" sermon has been re-
printed so many times it has become almost a part of Ameri-
can thinking. Here's a sermon that was delivered as a wife-
recruiting exhortation by "a tall, raw-boned Saint," with a
complexion strongly resembling that of boiled tripe, who
deemed his flock too small "to start Salt Lakeward." His
text was "Men is scarce and wimmin is plenty."
Brethern and Sistern-pertickler the Sistern:--I want to say a few
words to you about Mormonism-not for my own sake, but for
yourn, for men is scarce and Wimmen is plenty.
Mormonism is built on that high old principle which says, it ain't
good for men to be alone, and a mighty sight worse for a woman.
Therefore, if a man feels good with a little company, a good deal of
it ought to make him feel an awful sight better.
The first principle of Mormonism is, that women air a good thing;
and the second principle is, that you can't have too much of a good
thing. Women is tenderer than man, and it is necessary to smooth
down the roughness of his character; and as man has a good many
rough pints in his natur', he oughtn't to give one woman too much
to do, but put each one to work smoothin' some partickler pint.
Don't think I'm over-anxious for you to jine us; for I ain't. I'm
not speakin' for my good, but for yourn: for men is scarce and
wimmon is pleny.
I said women was tenderer than man; but you needn't feel stuck
up about it, for so she ought to be; she was made so on purpose. But
how was she made so? Where did she get it from? Why, she was
created out of the side-bone of a man, and the side-bone of a man
is like the side-bone of a turkey-the tenderest part of him. There-
fore, as a woman has three side-bones, and a man only one, of course
she is three time as tender as a man is, and is in duty bound to repay
that tenderness of which she robbed him. And how did she rob him
of his side-bone? Why, exactly as she robs his pockets now-a-days of
his loose change-she took advantage of him when he was asleep.
But as woman is more tender than man, so is man more forgiviner
than woman; therefore I won't say anything more about the side-
bone, or the small change, but invite you all to jine my train, for
I'm a big shepherd out our way, and fare sumptuously every day, on
purple and fine linen.
When I first landed on the shores of Great Salt Lake, I wasn't rich
in wimmin; I had but one poor old yoe; but men is scarce and wim-
Here’s what’s next.
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Dobie, J. Frank (James Frank), 1888-1964. From Hell to Breakfast, book, 1944; Dallas, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc67649/m1/87/: accessed March 20, 2018), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting UNT Press.