The San Saba News. (San Saba, Tex.), Vol. 16, No. 40, Ed. 1, Friday, August 8, 1890 Page: 2 of 4
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Stanley estimates the population of
tfrica at 250000000
The first Legislature of Washington
i the Blato to foot up Mis of 1000
and over
Tho newState of Washington expects
l to hare within twenty years a school
ffundof 20000000 from her school
nds
The Superior Council of the Protestant
Church til Frussia haa issued a circalar
instructing the clergy to denounce the
socialist movement
The recent purchase of 2000 Texas
ef steers for export to the City of
f Mexico seems to indicate that a de-
mand for better meet is current there
At New York city it is proposed to
span North or Hudson River with a
viaduct broad enough to carry six stand
ardgauge railway tracks and to cost
10000000
During the last six years 8621 women
have sought divorce in France as com-
pared with C900 men Ten men and
fcrely
s while
s of age
riiHftwk c
1 slaughter of moose is said
ried on upon the upper Ottawa
in Canada The animals are killed
for their hide and the carcasses
left In the woods
Plowing by steam has been introduced
in Walla Walla Valley Washington and
is pronounced a success Heretofore it
has cost 2 per acre to plow while
under the new system in can bo done for
forty cents
The rush to the gold fields in the Trans
vaal region has been unprecedented in
history fn three years 750000000 ot
I English money hajoeen invested there
I Cities havcifrung up where in 18S6 enly
grass could be found and no habitation
Dne explanation uf the probably de
creased wheat acreage in the Dakotas is
Stated to be that the States are requiring
tent for the school section one section in
yery eighteen whereas heretofore the
nd has been used rent free by squatters
It is said that the Brat cost of building
i fleet of Atlantic linen is but a trifle
ompared to the cost of running them
i less than three years it will exceed the
cost of construction so enormous is the
expenditure in wages port duties and
repairs
Murder teems to be the least perilous
of all the crimes known to the statute
Jks io this country out of 17779
murderers who took human life in the six
years from 1S31 to 18S9 only S5S paid
the penalty by yielding their own lives to
tho law
The secret of Emm Pashas unwilling
eturn to Europe seems at last to
Sgot out Ha did not want to play
second fiddle fu other words he could
not assent as the Sational Zeitung puts
it to Stanleys desire to exhibit him in
Europe like a rare animal
The New Orleans Picayune is aston-
ished because the other day a Minnesota
clergyman traveled thirty miles made sx
calls visited two schools gave an after-
noon lecture and shot seven jackrabbits
t between sunrise and sunset and he
said it wasnt a good day for pastoral
work either
Wat Short believes that every truo
American will hail with joy the new Ke
pnblic of Central America formed by
Nicaragua Gaatcmala Honduras Saa
Salvador and Costa Rica five independ
ent republics that have joined in
union as one nation similar to the union
formed by our own sovereign States
The President of tho Columbian Fair
in Chicago is to receive 66000 annually
VicePresident 512000 Treasurer
85OC0 and Auditor 5000 Vice
President Bryan receives a larger salary
because it is expected that he will relieve
President Ga e of most of the work
Second VicePresident Potter Palmer de-
clined any compensation
The chicken business is a matter of
wonderful importance to the table com-
fort and the financial outlook of the
American farmer Government statistics
show that the annua expenditure in this
line is 6360000000 and despite the
immense production of eggs several
million dollars worth are annually im
ed to meet the deficiencyin the home
order which tbefPolice Commis
of Boston seat ont recently was
ed to work a transformation in the
liquor seHiiig Dnines3 of that city It
abolishes all ban and requires that
liquors shall only bo sold with food at
tables Every saloon in the city will
have to bo changed into a restaurant
end tables must take the place of the
bars The law has been on the statute
books for soma time but it has sever
been enforced
In the opinion of the New Tork Sun
suicide in this country is getting to be
a common nuisance Here is a man
whose rent falls due he is unable to pay
it and commits suicide No sane man
now commits suicide but through defect
of imagination Time was when suicide
was a point of honor in certain cases but
the world has shed those notions It has
got now to a point where sane suicide is
a growth of pure barrenness of imagina-
tion It Is a case for the common
schools There wants to bo more poetry
in their curriculum poetry simply as an
idsa of the imaginative faculty to
train it to develop its power of flight
The greatest part of suicide is stupid Its
prevalence derogate from national dig
nity It used to be a fashion in France
and other folks rather despised the
Frenchmen then for not having better
sense It is tune for the American peo-
ple to brace up and quit making a spec
i tacleot ibjelf
A PERFECT DAY
White roses are swaying
And meekly displaying
Their shellfashioned petals
So fragile and cold
While bluebirds are flying
Where alders are sighing
The winds on the wavelets
Tin lilies unfold
Oer meadows the brightest
Drift cloudlets the whitest
Do n softest and bluest
Oj summery side
The apple tree twinkles
Anli in the air sprinkles
Its blossoms that Hotter
Uke white butterflies
The crystal brook gushes
The wild flower blushes
The trailing arbutus
It pink on the slope
The valleys atremble
That Edea resemble
Are sunny and fragrant
With kisses of hope
Oh hours serenest
The rosiest greenest f
Goldvestured and graceful
As swans on a stream
Our souls keep repeating
Oh wherefore so fleeting
Like faces we only
Can see in a dream
S KiluHkiUrick in Youths Companion
xfiaa
CHE WEDDING GIFT
A package for you said the dearest
girl in the world as she ran forward and
bronght me a a long narrow box An-
other wedding gift I am sure I won-
der what it is and from whom it can be
Angelica eying the package affection-
ately
Or an umbrella tor me I rejoined
with a quizzical look
Or a roll of silk my dear she haz-
arded
Or a bootjack my love I replied
seizing my knife and preparing to cut
the string
It has taken a long time to comeany
way she added A whole week
You forget sweetheart that it came
by a district messenger boy and with a
laugh I opened the lockage when an-
other box and a letter were disclosed to
view
We both grasped the letter and al-
lowed the package to glide to the floor
AngclicalI exclaimed in my most
positive tones I recognize the hand-
writing It is it is Uncle Johns
Oh how nice the dear sweet old
man So gentle is he not Johnl I al-
ways said I would love him for your
sake And she gave me one of her
brightest glances
Well my love he is a ntle creat
ure to be sure but but he is decidedly
eccentric Any way I am glad that be
has thought of us even at this late date
I was always led to believe that I was his
favorite nephew
Of course he couldnt help loving
yoa best of all I couldnt could I
JohntNo
No ndeedlittleminr Tou couldnt
you wouldnt and you shouldnt I re-
sponded with fervor and then read aloud
his letter
Dear Old Bor lam overjoyed to hear
of your marriage and regret that a villain-
ous attack of gout prevented my attendance
at the ceremour I hear thatyour wife is
all that is gentle and good Happy fellow
I have known yoa so long and Intimately
that I heartily rejoice at your good fortune
Do come up with her to see me when the
first giow of the honeymoon is over Mean
while I beg of you to accept the accompany
ing as the most fitting gift I could think ot
presenting to you both It has virtues more
valuable than fine gold and its powers pre-
served and strengthened through the ages
have an efficacy little dreamed of by mortal
man GaarditanditwiUguanlyou Treas-
ure it as your homes holiest phylactery It
will be an infallible record of your affection
a dial of love which never needs regulation
for it runs by occult attachment and psychic
force
In the fond hope that you wDl prize it for
my sake and your own Affectionately
Jobs Chump
Goodness PI cried as soon as I re-
covered breath Thisisttpretty letter
But what docs the old fellow mean by
dial and attachment and psychic force
Is ho demented
Ob dearest Angelica exclaimed
edging away from the package still on
thefloor lam so frightened Shalll
send for mother
No I rejoined with rather pre-
cipitate haste you need not send for
your mother And then I added in my
most heroic tones There is no occa-
sion for alarm The package surely is
harmless It cant be a Florida alligator
or a dynamite cartridge Come love we
sha open it together One heart one
fate I exclaimed melodramatically
and soon before our astonished gaze was
presented the tiniest little thermometer
in the world
Athermometer was our first ex-
clamation The brute was the next
Does he want to insult me I cried
iaaxage
wretch
heroism of which can be gathered from
the fact that my uncle was a millionaire
and I was supposed to be his favorite and
his heir
A silence deep profound immeasur-
able fell npon us our hearts alone were
aucLble A sudden inexplicable mystery
seeded to surround us both The air be
came oppressive What hidden agency
was at work What subtle powers were
inspiring us with apprehension We
could not speak we could hardly breathe
so intense was our agitation I glanced
agaZn at the thermometer My eye3 were
riveted upon some lettering and we both
read simultaneously Loves Thermom-
eter patented by the Society for Psychic
Research And straying downward our
astonished gaze caught these lines from
Browning
0 world as God has made it All is beau-
ty
And knowing this is love and love is
duty
What further maybe sought for or de-
clared
Why Angelica I cried this is a
strange I might almost say a wondrous
thermometer eying it more respectful-
ly and with less wrath toward my phil-
osophic uncle
Oh Jchn look look she exclaimed
pointing to some words on the other side
of the plate
Between bliss bate
Doth oscillate
Your icoral fate
Oh darling and the poor girl was
about to sob in her fear Shall we not
send for mother
Send for your mother I repeated
Send for fiddlesticks said I with reck
less irreverence Why see thcrel
Look and along the side or the instru-
ment were the words Ulis heat 120
dogrees affection 100 degrees friend
ship 80 degrees indifference CO de-
grees coldness 40 degrees aversion 20
degrees hatred 0 degrees
Oh John was my wifes appeal
dont keep the horrid thing in the
house I am sure it is something dread-
ful and a few tears did gather in her
eyesHave
Have no fear Angelica 1 cried
kissing away her tears Have no fear
See the thermometer stands at 120 de
grees bliss heat dearest Hurrah for
psychic force And the dear girl actu-
ally laughed in the swift transitionof
feeling and joined in thojaptSrous
hurrah HurrahforfJnl3cJohn we
tbe 5jb hig laEea together and An
gelicSTdatcd th thermometer in her en
thusiBm Th slwarmhearted girll Bliss
heataaowTan dtforever How kind how
pobicrptfJcanunclc to send us what
wonlcppicjalfjicrpetnal photograph as it
wcreSjjffioveVJpung dream And that
evenlSgJlJpraypd Angelica joining in
thefjSfriratian that uncles gout would
MwnMAnWiAlfllintvi and wo resolved
tho histoi
thy visit Then
we stole down cauti
groom where we had
pvely niche for the thermome
jnutiijngvwhat rapture did we nota
iglh eTpsychigforce still stood at bliss
heat = 129aErces
ever be was my pious
A Angelica responded
ndciasp
faithfully and soberly
lafithSt wedding gift and its
influencalongmrniyes and characters H
I reljedffisSjSgmcmory alono I might
perhaps exaggerate or appear to do so
Happily th efi another resource and
oneghosijjwactncss and fidelity can be
Angelica clasped her hands and i 8m w
X chronicle the throb
looked ° o
so unutterably that
happy my cup
of joy was full to tho brim Who would
be more exultant than we twot It was
the first week after our wedding and we
had just returned to our cozy nest al
1139 North Three Hundred and Seventy
biaL
eachpassib
nner life and the record of
a A few pages will tell
the5whple veHJful story
i3s
She
visipj a < simma °
third street in the famous citv of Cos n SlPP1 tow ardently I love
her Dear
gTbeftanfflns were exquisite
mopolis
Li ii ir nofilSifftaWoinan so tender and so af
Lwf LJ V fecitoaafebw beautiful she bakes
h
fancy rapidly evolved its hidden
a pip to teach her German
possibilities from a dainly fruitknife to
a chaste spoon from an elaborate can-
delabrum to an oldfashioned pair of
tongs What could it be
It may be a parasol for me said
wMctrignivpassion Shall instruct her
accoTilinjfSjSeiiatural method and then
reactlt aiCa3oyto her Its ideal senti
mentsffifjfi lowing imaginary its magnifi
cenPltylt will inspire her with enthu-
siasm The thermometer at bliss heat
is our daily benediction We gaze at it
at all hours and then at each other Both
tell the same story How sweet is exist-
ence surely life is worth living It is
two weeks since our wedding
June 12th A very curious occurrence
happened this evening at dinner I was
just enjoying the roast Iamb when an
organ grinder appeared and his monkey
began to rub its nose against the window
bars Get off I cried youwretchl
Ah John do let it play I love mon-
keys But Angelica that music dis-
turbs my appetite Begone I cried
again to the man Angelica pressed her
handkerchief to her eyes My angel
weeping I gazed at the thermometer
It marked 100 degrees and the psychic
force was rapidly falling Here I I
shouted to the man here is a dollar
and come every evening at this hour
The man srrianed the monkey took off
its cap my angel smiled and I was
saved Again the thermometer stood at
120 degrees It was a narrow escape
Life bfe thou art a precipice one false
step one heedless act and the abyss re-
ceives us To think that our bliss was
almost wrecked by a monkey
June 14th I gave my darling her first
lesson in German by the natural method
It went off beautifully She has a lovely
Aussprache the words Toll like velvet
from her lips To hear her say das
Thermometer is an education in itself
On coming home to dinner I found An-
gelica very much flurried She explained
that the cook was ill and she herself had
to prepare the repast I congratulated
her a thousand times until her eyes
sparkled like an electric light I told
her afterward in a casual way that the
soup would have tasted better with mint
instead of mace acd she bust at once
into tears while to my horror the ther
mometer began rapidly falling until sixty
degrees was reached Angelica I
cried I was only jesting And
soothed by my endearments her tears
vanished and she actually asked me to
give her a second lesson in German
while the thermometer just as rapidly
rose to bliss beat It was again a nar-
row escape And when I told her of it
she murmured Dear John forgive me
I am so impatient 1 Was ever mortal so
happy
June 15th Happines is a sportive god
It is never an abiding possession So
happy yesterday and tonight as I write
these lines how wretched 1 And from
such a trifle too Jly darling asked me
why I did not come home earlier to din-
ner J laughed at her remark and gave
n bantering reply lam not jesting
she rejoined You used to spring up
the stairs and now you saunter slowly
But my love I am tired when I come
home If you really loved me she
responded you would never be fatigued
But you are tired of me I suppose and
she burst into tears I felt really vexed
at her want of sense and such a cold
dull psinbom of disappointment and
de pi rjselzdjrhe that I answered harsh-
ly heIloo etlatthe thermometer and
myjpsrajjzSlfgSze noted it swiftly fall
Ingjjjfaes itejpny imploring gestures
Dowjt wnS nk the psychic force uu
I
Mxlttwenty degrees aversion
andfwitha shudder she left the room re
Let us sctrfH beel theMi + Jp S °
was Angelica observation the J Jh rV
adore Hraespjf3 my harsh reply Oh
ufeHlifefttfJougart a mystery 1 And
wonan hhouTartldoublj a mystery And
AngcikjgytSou art trebly a my3tery
TherewasnoGerman lesson today
To think that she cherishes aversion
she of all beings And I thought it
would be bliss heat forever
I have not the heart to continue these
extracts from my diary Their general
tenor can be very well gathered they re-
corded such changes in temperature that
we were both in despair Each mood on
our parts was faithfully too faithfully
recorded Each transcient impulse was
unerringly transcribed Each trifling
word each wandering frown influenced
the thermometer and we were both so
alarmed by its indications that we bo
came positively unhappy We wished it
always to be bliss heat and were not
prepared for the variations
One evening it was hardly a month
after the wedding we were seated
quietly in the parlor when the bell rang
and in walked Uncle John
I never felt so well in my life chil-
dren he exclaimed in his heartiest
tones Gout all gone and he slapped
his leg to prove tho fact so I thought
I would come to the city and see you
And he kissed Angelica and pulled my
whiskers Then he burst into a merry
laugh which was so catching that my
wife and I laughed too the first time in
two hours for at dinner that wretched
thermometer had fallen to sixty degrees
indifference and we were in despair
Come come kitten said he to
Angelica caressing her forehead tell
me all about it What is the mystery
Has that fellow been vexing you Come
let your old uncle be your father con
his shonlder I am sure the dear girl
was weeping
John John yoa wretch he ex-
claimed What have you been doing
to her What makes my child so wor-
ried And the old fellow began to pet
her furiously
3Iy courage gave way At the sight
of her weeping all selfcontrol was gene
I made a clean eonfession and blamed
the thermometer for the change in our
homeCome
Come children said he in his
blandest way Here John you taka
one knee and Angelica my love rest
on the other Now I have you both and
I wish you to answer me truly Do yoa
love each other
Yes yes 1 was our reply
Then what is the trouble
Tho trouble is just here We wish
it always to be bliss heat but thaVther
mometer sir marks every variation and
it makes us both unhappy And I took
out my handkerchief and pressed it to
my eyes
Ah was his comment just as I
supposed Come now I am going to
lecture you both You demand a miracle
It is impossible to maintain bliss heat
for all time Life most have its transitions
and variations you might find it pretty
monotonous otherwise Do not heed the
fluctuations if love is the central purpose
and that is strong and abiding But
have patience and mutual consideration
and be quick to forget and forgivefj
Steer of all extremes and
Eutcrtalnlng Chat About Tea and Coffee
Some weeks ago I dropped in at Black
alls and drank a cup of his famous cof-
fee He took a seat beside me and told
nv things of coffee and tea which are as
interesting as they will be new to con-
sumers of these two necessaries of life
Do you know he said that within a
few years you will drink the last cup of
Java coffee The public does not gener-
ally know that the coffee plantations in
Ceylon havo been stricken with a blight
the last three four years which has
been progressing through tho East ex-
tending through the islands of Java Su-
matra and others to the extent that it
threatens the total extinction of coffee
culture specially in Java The estimated
crop in Java last year was 190000 piculs
A picul weighs 133 pounds Five years
ago this crop yielded 1200000 piculs
so yon can imagine that if no material
change for the better sets in it will be but
a short time when the world wul find
Java coffee but a reminiscence We get
the other best coffees from the Eas India
Islands and Arabia and of course in
them we shall find to a certain extent a
substitute for the Java ThereEre also
some very fine coffee grown throughout
Mexico Guatemala San SalvadorSCosta
Rico Bogotan JIaracaibo PortoRico
and Venezuela The bulk of tho entire
coffee product however comes from Bra-
zil which has a peculiarity of its own
These coffees are harsh and rank as com-
pared with the milder kinds It was
estimated that Brazil once furnished six
tyfive per cent of tho entire product of
the world There have also been of lata
years one or two partial failures of the
crop in Brazil which account for the
high price of coffee here Yon will
probably remember he continued
that ceffee was very low from 81 to
87 in fact the prices were so very low
that Brazilian planters did not have tho
berries picked it bringing them in debt
In consequence they allowed their planta-
tions to run down which also in part
accounts for tho present shortage
Chicago Herald
Electric Music
Typewriting machines that will write
and print have been common for some-
time but the first typewriter that can be
so operated as to produce musical sounds
made its first appearance in public at the
stago mechanics benefit The inventor
is Mr William Edward Wood who is
employed in the office of the architect of
the Capitol The instrument is an ordi-
nary one but some of its keys are elec-
trically connected with a large and me-
lodious assortment of bells arranged be
neath the table Pressure upon the keys
operates a resistance coil and the result is
a succession of remarkably sweet sounds
lessor Now then out with it iThc beauty of the music is n jt so apyar
Angelicas response was to cling to tfcBcnt unless the listener is some distifnce
old gentleman and sink her head ui
i from the instrument TYaihinjlen < Sior
I
cjear super n
latives Prefer tho temperate zone and I uarr 1uar
year by year your happiness will be
reared on a foundation that shall never
be moved Let your own hearts be
loves thermometer you will care less
for the other one whose efficacy I
might as well tell you now is purely im-
aginary It reflected only your own
moods and your imaginations endowed
it with subtle powers But enough
I must be off before it is too late Good-
night children Another kiss Angelica
Goodnight John
The thermometer still hang3 in its
niche but is has lost for U3 its charm
although its lesson was salutary We
havo learned the truth and beauty of
Undo Johns little sermon We are not
disturbed at any transient gust for we
know our hearts are true to each other
We do not pine for bliss heat and never
have allowed our affection to sink to zero
We find blessedness enoughin each days
record and lookingat the bright side of
every annoyance and sorrow havo secured
abundant compensation frank Lesliet
WOBDS OP WISDOM
Expression is language
Sensation 13 selfrevealing
Politics is diplomatic slavery
Learning is degrees of inspiration
Words are but signs of expression
The best way to find out is to try it
Liberty is no more of a gift than gravi-
tation
The effort to keep still continues the
motion
Strife is not smothered by seeking to
hide it
The hand can never execute anything
higher than the character can inspire
The man that has lived for himself has
the privilege of being his own mourner
There are persons now in hell who
might have been in heaven with half the
trouble
Whenever wo vary from the highest
rule of right just so far we do an injury
to the world
It is fortunate that charity covera a
multitude of sins for in these days there
is a multitude to cover
The present is the time in which to live
and to work The past is a recollection
and the future a phantasy
The one prudence in life is concentra-
tion the one evil is dissipation and it
makes no difference whether our dissipa-
tions are coarse or fine
Humility is to make a right estimate of
ones self It is no humility for a man
to think less of himself than he ought
though it might rather puzzle him to do
that
A man cannot speak but he judges him-
self With his will or against his will
he draws his portrait to tie eye of his
companion by every word Every opinion
reacts on him who utters it
We pass for what we are Character
teaches above our wills Men imagine
that they communicate their virtue or vice
onlv by overt actions and do not see that
virtue or vice emits a breath every mo-
ment
BUDGET OF JOT
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FKOM
VARIOUS SOURCES
STo Bachelors Thanks Correct Ac
cording to Schedule Xothin to
Jo An Expurgated Edition
Prior to the Proposal Et
Shes shown herself a shrewd and yet
hapI
I owe my hap
cant forget
ippiness toTier
Twas this way sir
I asked her once to wed and she
Eejected mo
Lift
CORRECT
Teacher to class What is velocity
Bright Youth Velocity is what
nan puts a hot plate down with JSeu
Jorh Herald
AN EXPnnaATED EDITIOX
Cobwigger Is that a good paper to
Sake homo to tho family
Brown It will be when I cut outthe
Sst of auctions and bargain sales iViris
Tcri Sun
soTnrso to do
Dont you get tired of this donoth
ing life
Yaas very but trade is vulgar and
rle is criminal What can I do
AcconDEto to scheduie
Razzle How much did you pay for
that dress suit you had the other even-
ing
Dazzle Fifty cents an hour
Clothier and Furnisher
what he nnonauT nous
Your husband seems very fond of
inrfing
He is
Does he bring home all the fish ho
tatches
Yes and more too Washington
Post
KOT mOBABtC
Well George in this firm w < > arc
ibont to form remarked Arabella to
her fiance I suppose of course you
will expect to be the senior partner
Yes replied George and I hope
you will be the silent partner 3Tun <
leys WecUy
riioop POSITIVE
A medical man has propounded the
following querry
Does woman fill the lower half of
her lungs with air
He ought to get married and hear his
wifes mother on the rampage Thats
all Paris Herald
rrion to tiie rnorosAL
Jliss Railing Were all athletic in
our family Sally is an A 1 fencer JIblly
is superb with the clubsand even mamma
puts up tho dumbbells
Garrison to himself I wish Iknew
whether your old dad could put up the
rocks Judge
ASOTnEIt KAliltOW ESCAPE
Did you hear of Travcrss marvelous
escape Some one shot him right over
the heart but the bell didnt penetrate
through his breast pocket
Saved byUhe usual pack of cards I
suppose
No Bills Clothier and Furnisher
STICKS VERT TIGHT
There is one solace left to me at
least remarked the old farmer After
all my boys leave and go up to the city
after the pigs and cattle die and every-
thing else forsakes me there is at least
one thing that will stick to the old
farmAnd
And that is
The mortgage Lavrcnce Ameri
BOARDING HOUSE SARCASM
Mrs Makeshift trying to get on the
right side of her boarders And do
you know ladies and gentlemen in
Madagascar it i3 the astounding custom
never to serve chickens until they are
seven years old
The Star Boarder Why I never
knew until now that you were a native of
Madagascar Mrs Makeshift Laurence
American
rnsroRTJUiT of his majesty
He reading from a society paper with
evident vanity Hear this Our
friend J narold Smoothly thats my-
self has a face and fomfat once impe
riously and winningly gracious magnetic
fascinating and courtly
She Why Mr Smoothly that is
the very picture which an Indianapolis
clergyman recently drew of Satan
Chicago Times
now to cnoosE a novel
I spent a whole hour today at the
public library trying to choose a novel
Its such a nuisance
Oh 11 jink it easy enough I just
look at the last chapter If I find rain
softly and sadly dropping over one or
two lonely graves I dont take it but if
the morning sun is glimmering over
bridal robes of white satin I get it
marked at once Toronto Grip
HOW IT WORKED
Grandma There is nothing like
presence of mind my dear Once when
I was left alone in the house I discovered
there was a burglar under the bed Now
I didnt scream I just sat down at the
piano and played until papa and brother
came home nearly three hours
Dot And did they pull him out
grandma
They pulicd him out but he was
dead Terre Haute Express
THOCHQT TIIET WERE niS SianTCLOTHES
A general professor in one of our
Scotch universities has a bright boy of
four years whose only experience in
churchgoing was where the service was
in Congregational form-
A few Sabbaths since a relative was to
preach in the Episcopal Church and the
Professor permitted the child to accom-
pany him thither
All went on decorously until the rec-
tor in his white robes presented him-
self when the little fellow with tug
at his sleeve very nearly upset the Pro-
fessors gravity by wondcringly exclaim-
ing Papa does Uncle Joseph sleep
here London TidBits
THE ESD OF ALL
Mendicant Please sir cant you
give me a little money I havent a cent
to buy food or medicine and my wife is
going to die
Citizen giving him a quarter
What is the matter with your poor
wife
3Iendicant Nothing sir nothing
just at present that is but Im afraid
shell die Everybody is going to die
some time aint they ITunseys
Weekly
A SEVERE BLOW TO THE PROFES3IOS
I will ask you to state said the law-
yer whether you have any other chil
Ut staling Your nonor exclaimed
the witness appealing to the Judge do
I have to answer that question Isee
no reason why you should not answered
the Judge You may answer it l
have one other child but I had hoped it
would not be necessary to speak of her
She turned out badly faltered the witi
ness She married a lawyer Zaie
Journal I
A SAHnOW ESCATE
Flott the volunteer left the barracks
without permission As the young man I
is a general favorite his corporal deter-
mined if possible to shield him from
punishment Accordingly m wrapped
a sweeping brush in a blanket andL fold j
in tho volunteers bed The onfcer on
duty who is rather shortsighted soon
after went the round of the beds until he
came to Flotts Who lies here
he asked the corporal
Volunteer Flott was the rfcply
Flott eh The disorderly fellow is
so intent on pleasure that he totally
neglects himself The corp9ral trembles
in the belief that the fraud is discovered
You may tell Volunteer Fott tomor-
row to get his hair cutMJJooaSiplitl
Fliejende Blaetter
SATISFIED WITH HE
no was a stout man witbJ TrecjJface
and
his general air indicatedftgrngwas
in possession of a fair nmoMftif jhpiuor
He fidgeted about on hyseat n >
elevated railroad car anfltVjj j o tHg
passengers as though KeSr s EllC or
burst At length he Jefflii Iovciyto a
timid man who sat nexi
Did you ever have coi
No said the tiimdEjpunglman
blushing
Havent got any
No
Bunions
No
Let me see your foot said the big
man imperiously waving the butt of a
cigar toward hi3 unfortunate neighbors
extremities
The young man reluctantly advanced
one foot into the range of inspection
What makes it threecornerc < ll asked
the largo man
I am sure I dont know fnurmured
the owner growing moro and fnore con-
fused
Well young man said the other
with all the scorn obtainable from much
liquor Ive got four corns and two good
live ounions but Id rather have moren
than that than liave them two flatiron
feet of yours growinon me Sim York
Tribune
Most Horses Aro Either Gray or Bay
A nearsighted youth writes James
Payn on going in for his medical ex-
amination was advised by that guide
philosopher and friend his crammer
The doctor will ask you about the
horses on the common saygray very
rapidly for all horses are cither gray or
bay This was no doubt a too hasty
generalization but it is the fact that to
persons who do not concern themselves
with the equine race horses are very
much alike A young gentleman of my
acquaintance who used that animal
merely as the means of locomotion
the means and not the end was once
gven a mount by the friend with
whom he was staying to visit Reading
races On coming away he had taken
the animal which was offered to him out
of the crowded booth without investi-
gation and rodo home on it His host
met him at the lodge gate and with the
quick eye of a proprietor perceived there
had been an exchange which might or
might not be a robbery Why thats
not my horse Ned Is it not re-
plied the enthusiastic equestrian It
looked extremely like him I know an-
other case where matters turned out
much worse A good man of business
but one who was a very careless rider
Mr A was wont to come to town on
horseback every day and put his horse
up at a certain livery stable Mr B a
friend of his used to do the likeandon
calling lor his nag one eveningglad an
other
That
Mr A s horse Thep Mr A must
have taken your horse by mistake sir
If so said B with gravity he is a
dead man And so indeed it turned
out Poor A riding home with loose
rein and careless scat upon as he
thought his own quiet steed was
thrown and killed upon the spot by a
buck jumper Frank Leslies Monthly
Why the Safe Would Not Open
A safe manufactory winds up a talk
with a Boston Courier representative
about amusing incidents in his business
as follows
Epicureanlike we have reserved
the best for the last For fear this may
reach the eyes of the hero of the inci-
dent I will substitute for his correct ad-
dress thafof Gatrhtr Mc wIt was not a
thousand miles away from there The
letter read to como at once end open a
safe as there were important documents
wanted for immediate use JWith hiskit
of tools our man took the ntxt train and
arrived on the following evening It
proved to be an oldfashioned safe with
a large key lock TtiereXJLeaidthe man
is the safe The lock hlfuieenjvbrkinp
harder and harder for feelWjFulatirnow I
am locked out I amUnfS hiiiry to havo
it opened Never mi roufthe amage if
you will only breakUnto Jtlin chort or-
der Our expert took gikeynnd tried
it but it refused to votkSfcte then took
a small wire and pickiedlcjttthalfa thim
bleful of dirt and ltfFff5nffih efc ey tried
it again and a betfJr jrOsrkingjlock was
never seen Howtoucis6your bill
As this involvedS irpvnSSa rar
Calais of about 60 ffiiyp time and
exnenso in propor8on lfiglrePel i0
Taking a roll of bUls frMSK Pockct ho
said That is satisfacf JjSS op
tions Does any Snein lJ2apJce know
your business hereJfcTfeipy ws No
one All right thenTfeWoat bythe
next train and keep mijm for I would
gladly pay 100 rather tPan h > any °
my friends know that I w < fool enough
to go to Boston for a man tUPick tho dirt
out of my key M
Norwegians First Sailyd Hither
Antiquarians historians Vni scholars
that IceIPnllic records
now generally agree
and persistent researches for twj Jcars
J r tVrwfasltba Norwegian
navigators discovered the North American
continent at the beginning of4he 11th
century or about 500 years before the
first voyage made by Columbus in search
of it The fact is also established that
attempts were made by adventurers from
Greenland to found a colony on the shores
of New England Where Therwald was
buried or where Thorfin and Gudrida
landed and lived nobody knows It is
evident that the locality is not far from
the latitude of Boston The best in-
formed students of the subject believe it
was on Rhode Island and that the mys-
terious old stone tower at Newport of
massive masonry resting on seven col-
umns the foundation stones of which
are bewn spheres was built by the Nor-
wegian colonists as a sacred structure
It was there when the English colonists
first came and the Indians then residing
there had no knowledge of its origin If
the Northmen did not build it who did
Echo answers who did The whole
records oMthode Island make no mention
of such a Hructure being erected there
urea than this young man now on trial J Sett York Voice
WOMANS WOULD
MiEASANT LITERATURE
FEMIXLNK READERS
FASHION KOTE3
Jersey waists are revived
This will be a season of bows
Very short gloves have appeared
FOR
HAMMOCK DRESSES
Hammock dresses designed for
elegant wear on sultry lazy afternoons
are announced They are made with
long flowing Greek lines they are steel
less cushionlcss half fitting but grace-
ful withal having nook of untidy loose-
ness and are made of all tho soft pretty
crepalincs challics carmclitcs and also of
China silk foulard and surah Sim Tori
World
A SOVELTT IM VEriS
A novelty in veils under the name of
grain de beauto has appeared and is made
of plain tulle either in black or white
with a couple of black wafers so arranged
that one comes under tho corner of one
eye and another at the corner of the lips
in imitation of the patches which adorned
the beauties of the last century Patch
veils are sparsely dotted with velvet spots
and Itussi in net falls arc the stylish ser-
viceable faco covering The fall below
the mouth and aro drawn up from below
the chin Sea Tork Sun
FADS IS rERFCMERT
Some of the latest fadsare first per-
fumed shoes If your purse is plethoric
dthe Russian leather shoes
whichiiTPvl eiUaH lafftWl umtfrygTT
are obliged to count the cost then havo
your shfiSHfeer inserc your favorite
sachet with anis root between the leather
and lining of your shoes Another per-
fumed devico is tho closet sachet This
is an invention of Mrs Harriet Hubbard
Ayer and will at once recommend itself
to refined and fastidious women At tho
opening of Mrs Aycrs new rooms on
Fifth avenue in New York city tho
other day these exquisite sachets were
shown They aro as deep and wide as a
church door and are hung over all your
frocks thereby givingeajhjme that sub
tile lingering fragrance you so much de-
sire The sweetest one of all was of palo
Livender India silk lined with white and
embroidered with violets Needless to
say that it was padded with violet
powder Hang one ot these delicious
sachets in your closet and when you walk
you will like Jean Ingelows young
lovers in Divided be shaking out
honey treading perfume Chicaao
HeraU
MASCCL1XE FASHIOXS
The new stjlo of dress which is af-
fected by society girls for its masculinity
is beginning to make its appearance in
spite of opposition from modest women
and men who prefer women should ap-
pear as women It consists of a jacket
like a cutaway coat a vest shirt front
collar and necktie just sueh as a man
might wear For theater wear there is a
black waistcoat exhibiting the broadest
possible expanse of laundered linen a
high collar and a white necktie for all
the world like the dress suit which fash-
ionable men and waiters wear in common
I hear of a wealthy banker who was sit-
ting in his library tho other evening as
his two girls came into tho parlor prev-
ious to going out to the theater They
were rigged out with the new costumes
their escorts had arrived but they were
chatting for a few moments when the
old gentleman looking through tho doors
that separated tho rooms discovered tho
new attire and immediately asked his wifo
what it meant Sho attempted to ex-
plain but before she had got farly start-
ed the oldgentleman hade cite lij alligl
out Say girls stand up and let me
see if youve got pantaloons on The
girls stood up and the old gentleman
was satisfied that they were only half way
dressed in male attire Sea York
Press
DRESS AIDS FOR MOTHERS
The maternal pride that prompts all
mothers to dress their children as well as
brought out to him byjfiiotiosller possible under adverse circumstances
tsnot my horse he Sid thats abo inducer them to spend many an hour
over their clothes without begrudging
either the labor or time Fortunately
the most appropriately dressed girls are
the plainest clothed just at present but
by being plain in style it does not allow
that tho little frock is not to be of a
dainty material tastefully made and in
a becoming manner Do not put too
sombre a color upon a sadfaced child
neither have all around sashes on a stout
little figure which requires tapering ef-
fects A little thought will soon settle
this part of the task which is the sim-
plest Blouse suits of the cottons imitat-
ing flannel lawntennis flannel which is
part cotton and allwool blueandwhite
flannel and serge are the most comfort
able of play dresses and for little ones at
the seaside nothing can replace them If
trimmed in any manner let it be with
cotton or woolen braid according to the
material of the dress Sew tho gathered
skirt which is amply full and hemmed
to a silcsia underwaist and have a sailor
blouse with the regular sailor collar and
coat or shirt sleeves with a round neck
or tiny band as preferred Misses wear
the blouse suita made in a similar style
and their halfworn skirts may be entire-
ly wornout with two or three odd
blouses made in this fashion or as belted
waists of wash surah or striped tennis
flannel Ladies Home Journal
uuilila jl o sHOrasriir + hVuTisl
Undressed gloves and patent leather
low shoes lead
Entire sleeves are of passementerie
made up without lining
Parma violet cloth braided with silver
makes an ideal jacket
There is an attempt to bring trains
again into general use
Divided skirts are shown made of surah
pressed in accordion plaits
Tho nicest striped and plaid dresses
have the bodices cut on the bias
Black leghom hats or flats are to be a
favorite with very young women
Leaves of black lace stand up among
the flowers on many stylish bonnets
The folds of some full straight skirts
open to show richer petticoats beneath
Gray wool with large black figures
and black silk trimming is a good street
suit
Crepe de Chine is superseding plain
India silk for young ladies evenino
gowns
Crepe and dull silk are now used en-
tirely for mourning bonnets Nuns veil-
ing has gone out
Maud Mullcr hats with three large
hanging ostrich plumes are shown as
suitable for garden parties
It becomes an interesting question how
large the bright ribbonbow on the handle
of the large coaching sunshade should
really be
A yellow aigrette with aplume of
beigecolored feathers and a bow of black
ribbon is a stunning trimming for a black
crinoline hat
In the line of embroidered muslin
dresses for hotter days that will como by
and Dy there is a rarely beautiful asaoit
meat to select from
KETCH1N ON BEHIND
Aketchin on behind
The steps yon save by that ere rase
Coming events cast their shadows be
h
fore but that is no renson forthinkingl
that the future always looks dark
PueiA
A will 5000 years old was recentlyl
found in Egypt Up to the hourof going
to press it had not been contested
ristmen Herald
Tho 20000 expended by the DoVeoJ
Bedford to popularize cremation may
considered a sort of burnt offering
CourierJournal
The Pessimist cries Come be gay 1
Things cant be worse away with 80rroM
The Optimist Hejoico today
Because of what will be tomorrow V
VJMefc
Does your Webster contain all th
latest additions to tho English language
No old fellow I will ask my wife
always has the last wordl Tirnet fiet
crat 2
A man may fish and fish and fish
Agdcst Tt a bite all day
Bat hell bay a mes3 anuliei > a Stfti
Because he Is built that
way
Washington S3I
Shall we marry darling or eflaV
knot was the short and wittyJiM
ardent lover dispatched to the iSjjt
his heart But where the stran l
of the matter comes in the girl repj
I shall not You can do asyooplcaw j
Life
Snakes as Pets
Mr Conklin as superintendent <
Central Park riagerie is curiota
timistic with gard to reptiles T4
only shares j biblical sentimej
cerningthe wisdom of the serpent
says that it is moro docile and
tame than any other member of the t
creation He has a number
which are kept the grfcutcf3
time in an improvised box oil
floor of th Arsenal and he
pleasure in gazing upon the
it is to gain tho attendant ghir
that in some cases it is the initial
toward becoming a professional
charmer Sea York Commcrriate
titer
Hospital Expenses
The average person if ask
the most expensive item of hn
penditure would probably rep
icine Most people think th
language of little Tommy Tup t
pital is a werry large pbceVhfMl
has heaps an heaps o mcdic AJS
this is not correct for the rce = t i
of tho Massachusscts general k
which may stand as a type of evfrj
hospital shows that mec < intl
one of the smaller itjgns boJj
less than surgical instrument JJ
the fuel costs three times as SSpJ
medicine The average cost ci 4
is about 14 per week Tha ri
mated is about the cost of a SJij
for each weok of occupation fi
of course includes everything
rule there is no difference betweenk
bed and any other With the
of one ward where all patients pay j
sum of so much per week no one 1
medical director knows who oo
paid bed and who a free one
and attendants are purposely
norance of theselacts because tfiej
cians believe such a policy i3 wise I
York Commercial Adtertiscr
Flavors in Eggs
Nearly everybody think3 tj
fresh eggs are alike in flavor
old Long Island poultry dealer
is a mistake There is as markecf
tinction between the eggs of a
on clean wholesome food and tl
by one that has been badly sol
and forced to scratch on poor Jroi
her own living as there ifliw
butter made from tho miltot filyl
ha3 been eating the exhausted grj
brewery and that of one that in 3
on tender gras3 When you mean t
fowl always lock it up for about
before the date set for it
feed it on clean and nounshicjl
You wil find its flesh as far if J
flavor to that of the ordinary mat J
as a mountain stream trout is sup
one fed on liver in a trout pond
York Sun
Haarlem Still to the Fore in
The centre of the bulb cufa
land is still at Haarlem as ft
during two centuries and
cinths are especially in favor
and ground suitable for their
has sold foras much as 13fill
as against about 1000 given f
other kinds The expense of j
is placed at about 3UO an acre
cinthsand 160 for tulips ai
noted that artificial manures
used Narcissus is also grOwi
quantities near Haarlem chief
portation to England
A single factory in Durham
manufactured S32000O0Q cig
year
I
their sinuous folds as if each scale
fraught with beauty Tho largest t
pythons is a loathsome creature som < S
feet in lengtiT on which the affeetio
appellation of Tom has been bestol
When the keeper lifts Tom froifl his f
Mr Conklin goes up to the hitsjig
ster and strokes him soothingly I
ho might do to a dog or a horsed
Superintendent says that young i
frequently come to him with tj i
that he will allow the keeper ta iJ
them in the manner of handling
and that once the first loathing is
come these enterprising young
rapidly acquire the knowledge thg
sire What their object is
is not clear but Mr Conklin tMblJ
i
Xiell you boys it aint noose 3 1
Are steps you neednt mind j
The man who walks with steady strhhv Jk
Ambitions swinging gait J
Will reach the goal while woe betide >
The laggard who Is late
Fear not thelash of keen satire iT
That drives the car of fate 3
He shall not slip who f > huns the mire
Forge on nor panss to prate
I tell you boys jump off the cart t
Andputca extra speed I
Let perseverance guide your heart
And honor be your crsed < I
Pearl Eyiinge in Judge
PITH AJTOMNT
Taking things easy Pickpockets
Half a loaf is better than the dyspep-
sia
Shadows of a great city Detec
tives
You make me tired said the wagon I
wheel to the blacksmith
Confidence is a plant of slow growth
but the buncoman forces it ftu
The man who depends upon wages will I
get rich sooner than ono who depends I
upon wagers Sew York Seas
The cat has nine lives which shows
that nature had a pretty fair Idea of what J
wouhLlaye to go through
The gentleman who owns a dog wonW 1
probably feel rather hurt if told that hi I
was a bark keeper Washington Star
All gone murmured Ponsonby sadl
ly as he surveyed his bald head in the
mirror Noteven a part remains
Lijt
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The San Saba News. (San Saba, Tex.), Vol. 16, No. 40, Ed. 1, Friday, August 8, 1890, newspaper, August 8, 1890; San Saba, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth110753/m1/2/: accessed April 25, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; .