The Rambler (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 92, No. 22, Ed. 1 Wednesday, November 4, 2009 Page: 2 of 6
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November 4, 2009
The Rambler www.rambler.org
Marriage you have been put on notice
Laurence J. Sheehan
ljsheehan@mail. txwes. edu
A couple of weeks ago, it was guys
night out. Everyone was looking
forward to it. It had been a long
time since most of us had seen each
other. Some are married, some have
full-time respectable jobs, and oth-
ers just moved away.
That night was going to be that
night you get to have once every six
months. I was even going to meet
up with a friend who was a real
party boy from back in the day. He
spent more time in adult clubs than
some of the people who worked
there. There was even a time he
went out partying and woke up in
Mexico. For this story, we'll call
A few years ago, Jake got mar-
ried, got a respectable job and had a
beautiful daughter. The respectable
job and the daughter were ever the
issue. It was the married part, Jake
married a woman he thought he
loved and, as he says, "I still think
I kind of do" love her. I'm not an
expert, but that's not love.
Love is something that is almost
unconditional, and, yes, it is hard
to love someone sometime, but you
never "kind of" love someone.
So Jake's wife (we'll call her Hilga)
is letting Jake off the leash, and he
is in my care. Now I'm a party guy
myself, but I know the limits and
responsibility that come with party-
ing. Hilga knows this too, hence
Jake being in my care.
So everyone is pumped. People
are wrapping up their day, doing
the last minute text message and
call arounds, and everything is set.
Happy Hour at 5:30 p.m.; dinner at
7 p.m.; and then more drinks after-
wards ... and maybe Mexico. You
Then I get a phone call at 6:30
p.m. It's Jake. So he never showed
to happy hour because, understand-
ably, his job ran late. He then pro-
ceeds to tell me that Hilga won't let
him out. He sounded so defeated,
so distraught, like his manhood had
just been ripped from his soul. Jake
I asked to talk to Hilga. That was
a no go. So I talked to him a little
more, then let him go so he can curl
up in the fetal position and suck
his thumb. I break the news to all
the guys, there is a big, "Ohhh" as
everyone takes a moment to look
It's not a look of disappointment.
It's almost like a moment of silence,
a time to pray for our dear friend
Jake. Because once, he was a man,
a great man, the greatest. Everyone
wanted to party with him.
There were rules to partying with
Jake: Bring enough cash for bail or
bribery, debit card, highest limit
credit card and your passport. Easy
After our moment of silence,
our night continued on as it should
have. Too much drinking and guys
lying, we hit on every girl that came
around, and it ended with a Whata-
Of course then there were the
next day texts, "I'm never doing that
again.. .or at least for a couple days."
I met up with Jake at his job and
took him to lunch. Like any good
friend, I called him out on his BS
from the night before.
It turns out that Hilga doesn't
approve of Jake's behavior when he
goes out. She never has, never will.
She wants him to stay at home with
her every night, or at least the nights
she isn't going out with her friends,
and Jake is staying at home taking
care of his daughter. One word,
I'm not a woman hater, I love
women. I'm not anti-marriage. The
moment I can find a female to put
up with me, I'll marry her and settle
The point of the story is simple:
Don't marry someone who you
want to drastically change. It will
never happen, and if it does you'll
have a terrible marriage.
Change is inevitable, especially
in relationships. Relationships are
hard. It's always a compromise and
a give and take. Learn it now; it will
save years of heartache and frustra-
"In the end, if you want to have a
healthy and successful relationship,
you have to keep things balanced.
Always respect your woman's
decision, but remember to make
decisions together," according to
Jake doesn't go out every night.
None of my married friends do, but
we do plan on at least one night a
month, and that should be the mini-
mum of acceptable behavior. For
most marriages it is.
So, in short, ladies, don't try to
change a man, rather persuade him
to settle down. Allow him off that
leash once in a while, or one day
he will break it and keep running.
You'll have to chase him down to
get him to come back. He'll still
fight you all the way.
Guys, don't marry someone who
wants to change you. Let them
know who you are when you are
dating. If they are OK with "guys
night" or "loser night" or whatever
you want to call your own time,
then awesome. If they cringe, pause
or hesitate for any reason, think
twice about taking this one home.
What will happen to Jake? Well, as
any good party boy lives, you can't
ever truly break him. You can only
hope to tame him enough. A wild
tiger in captivity is still a wild tiger.
Given the opportunity, he'll break
free and run. One day something
will remind him of his good ol' days.
I'm calling it now. Anyone want to
take that bet?
Drink at 18 Bananas: the unsung hero
Over 21 law causes problems
It's early on a Friday night,
and thousands of students
on college campuses nation-
wide are in their dorm rooms
eagerly overindulging in alco-
hol, unaware of its potential
John M. McCardell Jr.,
president of Middlebury
College and representative
for the Amethyst Initiative,
said he believes the principal
problem of 2009 is not drunk
driving, but concealed binge
"The problem today is
reckless, goal-oriented alco-
hol consumption that all too
often takes place in clandes-
tine locations, where enforce-
ment has proven frustratingly
difficult," McCardell said.
Underage students are
overindulging in alcohol in
their dorm rooms and apart-
ments before going out to
social events where it is illegal
for them to drink. The law
does not require or educate
drinking in moderation, but
strictly prohibits underage
The result is a culture of
people who are unfamiliar
with the concept of respon-
sible alcohol consumption.
Since the National Mini-
mum Drinking Age Act was
passed by Congress in 1984,
which made the legal drink-
ing age 21, drunken driving
fatalities have declined.
Unfortunately, the legisla-
tion is not comprehensive
and the nation is faced with
a new problem affecting
underage citizens that is not
remedied by the 1984 act.
According to the National
Institute of Alcoholism and
Alcohol Abuse, 60 percent of
alcohol-related deaths each
year are caused by events that
occur off the roadways.
The Amethyst Initiative, a
non-profit organization made
up of chancellors and presi-
dents of universities and col-
leges across the country, is on
a mission to get lawmakers to
rethink the legal drinking age
and give it a much needed
21st century facelift.
The Amethyst Initia-
tive aims to prepare young
students to make responsible
decisions about alcohol con-
sumption by implementing a
mandatory license to acquire
and consume alcohol.
The licensing program
would involve a permit allow-
ing the holder the privilege of
purchasing alcohol so long as
the license holder passed an
alcohol education course and
observed the alcohol laws of
that particular state.
Alcohol is a reality in the
lives of young adults across
the nation. However with
programs like the Amethyst
Initiative advocating for
those affected will hopefully
become more responsible
jcliontos@mail. txwes. edu
Existentialism, Garbage Warrior, Star
Wars, JFK's love affairs, Hie Bible and
bananas. How does this all tie together?
How does one begin to fathom the
thought of all this and merge this to-
gether. Bananas? I'll tell you how.. .Joan
Since the dawn of time, many he-
roes from all corners of the earth have
banded together to make life on earth
better for humanity.
For Mike Reynolds is was about mak-
ing a difference about how we're living
and how we're wasting the earth away
and its valuable resources. He sought to
bring change by thinking differently.
If you look at a banana, and I mean
really look at it, you see more than just a
simple fruit. You see existentialism in a
fruit. It's bananas, I know!
Before JFK had an affair, he had a
banana. Before George Lucas penned
the first draft of Star Wars, he had a
banana. Before Mike Reynolds built his
first earthship, there was a banana to be
eaten. If you look at any great achieve-
ment in history and the great people
who brought these events to life, there
was a banana somewhere in the middle
of it all.
Before MLK's "Dream" speech, some-
one, somewhere had a banana that day.
Why does the banana go unnoticed?
Does it really have any importance?
And how does all of this tie together
with Joan Rivers? All questions will be
The Apple seems to be the ideal fruit
in pop culture and society. It's where
Adam and Eve began the great fall. It
spawned Newton's idea for relativity.
Having one a day seems to keep the doc-
tor away. Teachers seem to love them,
Before JFK had an affair, he had a banana. Before
George Lucas penned the first draft of Star Wars, he
had a banana. Before Mike Reynolds built his first
earthship, there was a banana to be eaten. If you look
at any great achievement in history... there was a ba-
nana somewhere in the middle of it.
but where is the love for bananas?
Did you know that after Adam had
eaten the apple, he rushed to another
tree and discovered the banana tree, the
Tree of Redemption. He had tried eating
a banana to redeem himself and human-
ity (Thanks, Adam!) for what he had
done, but God was still displeased.
This was the first story about the
banana, but sadly it was edited out of
the Bible. Thus leaving the banana in the
You probably know the story of New-
ton and the apple falling from the tree
and onto his head, but do you know the
story about Newton and the banana?
No, you don't.
Legend has it that after the apple had
fallen on Newton, it had hit him so hard
that it knocked him unconscious. After a
while he woke up and right next to him
was a banana. Do you know what he did
with that banana? He ATE IT! Did he
eat that apple? Of course not.
Why does the apple get all the credit
then? And why do teachers seem to love
them so much?
Did you know that FDA is keeping a
huge secret from you. What is it? Glad
You know the old saying, "an apple
a day can keep the doctor away." You
know how that came about? It came
about in 1901 when apple farmers in
Nebraska were trying to get doctors to
promote their propaganda to sell more
What the FDA doesn't want you to
really know is that a banana a day can
actually keep the doctor away. Yet again
the banana being robbed of it's true
glory and that other fruit called the
apple stealing it's light.
Are you still wondering where Joan
Rivers fits into this? Soon. Soon all will
So before you watch Fox News, or
drop the kids off at the pool or eat your
precious Haagen Daz ice cream, think
about that poor unsung hero of a fruit.
Think about that yellow lining in the sky.
Think of that pure source of potassium
called a banana.
Before you pick up that paint brush to
paint that bowl of fruit on your mom's
table, look really hard at that banana.
Oh and make sure that when you
paint, put the banana in front of the
apple. The apple is a tool. The apple is
just a society too scared to eat a banana.
Eat more bananas. Spread the word.
Share the potassium!
Are you still wondering where Joan
Rivers fits into this? I'm glad you asked!
No matter how many bananas that
women eats, she's still unappealing!
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To contact The Rambler
Do you think the drinking age
shou d be lowered to 1 8?
"No, many accidents
occur with underage
drinking and driving."
'Yes, if the driving age is
raised to 18."
"I don't agree with
lowering the drinking age
"No, because it's allowing
high school students to
Dr. Ron McManus
professor of religion
"Availability does not
always equate with
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The Rambler (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 92, No. 22, Ed. 1 Wednesday, November 4, 2009, newspaper, November 4, 2009; (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth201290/m1/2/: accessed December 11, 2018), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Texas Wesleyan University.