The Home Advocate. (Jefferson, Tex.), Vol. 1, No. 48, Ed. 1 Saturday, January 1, 1870 Page: 1 of 4
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THE HOME ADVOCATE.
-A. AVeekly Journal Devoted to Christianity, 10duoation Home Enterprise, and General Intelligence.
tt. A. KELLY. Proprietor.
F. J. I'ATILLO, Editor and Publisher.
JEFFERSON, TEXAS. JAN. 1, 1870.
ONE GLASS TOO MUCH.
ott, the mikes nigiu-cjlp.
Mr. , who doesn't live more
than u mile from the post-office in
this city, met some northern friends
with southern principles, the other
■evening, and, in extending to them
the hospitalities of the 'Crescent City,
visited so many of our princely sa-
loons and "Marble IIall«," imbibing
spiritual consolations as they jour-
neyed, that when he left them at
their hotel, at the midnight hour, he
felt, decidedly felt, that he had "a
brick in his hat." Now lie has a
wife, an amiable, accomplished and
beautiful lady, who loves him devot-
ediy, and finds but one fault with him
—'that is bis too frequent visits to
the places where those "bricks" are
After leaving his friends, Mr
paused a moment, took his bearings,
and having shaped his course, on
the principle that continual angles
meet, made sail for home. In due
«outsc of time he arrived there, and
was not very much astonished, but
rathef frightened to find his worthy
lady sitting up for him. She always
does. She smiled when he came in.
That, also, she does.
"How are you, my dear E. ?" she
said, "you staid out so late that I
feared you had been taken sick."
"Hie—ain't sick, wife—b-but don,t
you think I'm a little tight ?"
"A very little perhaps, my dear,—
but that is nothing—you have so
many friends, as you say, you must
jbin them in a glass once in a
"Wife, you're too good—th'the
truth is, I'm d—d dead drunk 1"
"Oh, no, indeed, my dear—I'm
sure that even another glass would
not hurt. Now, suppose you take
a glass of Scotch ale with me, just
as a night cap, dear!"
"You are too kind, my dear—I
know I'm d-drunk."
"Oh, no, only a julep too much,
«uch stiff una!"
"Well—take a glass of ale at any
rate—it can't hurt you dear—I want
one before I retire."
The lady hastened to open a bottle,
and as she placed two tumblers be-
fore her on the sideboard, she put in
ome a very powerful emetic. Filling
the glass with foaming ale she hand-
ed one to her husband.
Suspicion came clouded upon his
mind. She never had been so kind
when he was drunk. He. looked at
the glass, raised it to his lips, then
"Dear, w-won't you just taste mine
to make it sweet—sweeter ?" said
"Certainly, my love I" taking a
mouthful, which she was careful not
Suspicion vanished; so did the ale,
emetic and all, down the throat of
the satisfied husband. After spitting
out the taste, the lady finished her
glass, but seemed in no hurry to re-
She fixod a tub of water before an
/easy chair, as if she intended to bathe
her beautiful feet therein; Hut small
as were those feet there was not
water enough in the tub to cover
them. The husband began to feel,
aud wanted to retire.
"Wait only a few minutes, dear,"
said his loving spouse; "I want to
read the <8?ar Sjxingled Banner which
came this afternoon."
A few minutes only elapsed, and
then, and then—oh ye gods and Dan
o'lake what a time! The husband
was placed in an easy chair. He
soon began to understand why the
tub was there, he soon found what
ailed him. Suffice it to say that
when he arose from the chair, the
brick had left hi* hat. It hasn't
been there since. He says hell
never drink another julep; he can't
hear Scotch ale, but he is death on
lemonade. He loves his wife better
Reader, this is a truthful story—
profit by the moral.—Star Spangled
The beautiful summer days have
passed away bearing on their tide
what we once called our own, and
winter is fast consigning to the
6ilent shades of the eternal pa6t., the
few days remaining of eighteen
hundred and sixty-nine. Softly the
wind comes murmuring over the
landscape whispering the decay of
all things earthly. Already is the
face of nature whitened by the frost,
the forest is painted by an invisible
hand in colors no artist can equal.
The last rose has withered, the lew
remaining leaves will soon fall, for
the cold months of winter are upon
us. Thus too, will it soon be with
us. Sitting here to-day with the
deepening shades of winter gather-
ing around us, and, with only a few
days ere the last of the present year
will pass into the future, it is well to
heed the swift march of time, and as
we note the passing seasons to read
and ponder well the great lesson of
nature, "JLeaves have their time to
fall," 60 it is with all. All things in
nature bloom and fade, the seasons
come and go, the hand that pens
these lines, aud the eye that glances
over them to-day, when next Decem-
ber days come may not be here.
Thus timefliesand itis.well to think
near the close of the year, of the
days that are passing of the time
that is gone, for
IT NEVER COMES AGAIN'.
There are gains for all our losses,
There are balms for all our pain;
But when, youth, the dream, departs,
It takes something from our hearts,
And it never comes again.
We are stronger, and are better,
Under manhood's sterner reign;
Still we feel that something sweet,
Followed youth with flying feet,
And will never come again.
Something beautiful is vanished,
And we sigh for it in vain;
We behold it everywhere,
On the eartli and in the air,
But it never comes again.
>m> m ■ ■■
Why is your nose in the middle of
your face ? Because it is the scenter.
- Why is dancing like new milk ?
Because it etrenghena the calves.
HOW GOOD FARMERS SAVE THEIR
They take good papers and read
They keep aoootmt of farm oper-
They do not leave their Implements
scattered over the ftkrm, exposed to
snow, rain and heat.
They repair their tools aud build-
ings at the proper time, and do not
suffer a subsequent three-fold expen-
diture of time or money. They use
their money judiciously, and they do
not attend auction sales to purchase
all kinds of trumpery because it is
They see that their fences arc well
repaired, and their cattle are not
found grasing in the grain fields
They do not refuse to make correct
experiments in a small way, of many
They plant their fruit trees well,
care lor them, and of course get
They practice economy by giving
good shelter duriug the winter, also
good food, taking all that is unsound,
half-rotten, or mouldy, out of the food
for their stock.
They do not keep tribes of cats or
snarling dogs around their premises,
who eat more in a month than they
are worth in a whole life-time.
Lastly, they read- the advertise-
ments, know what is going on, and
frequently save money by it.
Successful farming is made by at-
tention to little things. The farmer
who does his best, earns his money
with best appreciation, and uses it
with best results. Such men arc the
salt of the earth.—Ex.
" I wra t* to tell you," said an
American minister, " what a layman
did for me. I was only sixteen years
old. My mother had died in the pre-
vious December, I was driving the
cows home toward evening through
a slight rain. A man with an um-
brella overtook me, and, holding it
over mc, said, ' My boy, these are
fine cows.' " Yes," said I, " they arc
fine." " Why, that one with the
short horns and broad back is U Dur-
ham!" His interest in what inter-
ested me, won me. After awhile he
" Have you a mother!''
" No, sir; said I, " sho died last
" What was the last thing she
" 0, sir, the last thing she said was,
'May God have mercy on these chil-
" Well, my boy, ain't you u Chris-
'• No, sir." v
,cWhy ain't you?"
" I expect it is because I love sin
" Fixing his eyes earnestly on mine
and shutting his umbrella bo As to
grasp my hand with his right hand,
" What, my boy, and you not a
44 No, sir," said I, with streaming
eyes, " but I waut to be."
"And then ho talked with mo so
gently and kindly that I never shall
0, the power of a seasonable word!
It was lay preaching."
A Rruc or BAltnAKtsit.—Two prize
fighters, after keeping all ruffiaudom
in a state of suspense, hare decided
not to mash oach other's faces and
beat one another out the brutal man-
ner common among these creatures.
This is a source of gratification to
all decent people. The authorities
have already tolerated these beastly
and barbarous exhibitions too long.
It is high time that tho wishes and
opinions of respectable men upon
this subject should be heeded, and an
end put, and that speedily, to this de-
grading sport. These muscular vaga-
bonds might be profitably employed
pounding rock on a turnpike, or in
the blacksmith shops of the peniten-
tiary, where their strength would do
44 the State some service." Nothing
short of a law making it imprison-
ment for life to fight a prise fight
will ever stop the disgusting spect-
acle, so long as there is all of this
wretched cant about 44 the best man
winning," and such importance is
given to what these lellows do and
■ . .. m +
A Drunkard's Will.—I leave to
society a ruined character, a wretch-
ed example, and a memory that will
I leave to my parents during the
rest of their lives as much sorrow as
humanity in a feeble and decrepid
state can sustain.
I leave to my brothers and sisters
as much mortification as I could
bring upon them.
I leave to my wife a broken heart,
a life of wfetchedness and shame, to
weep over my premature death.
I give and bequeath to each of my
children ignorance and low character,
and the remembrance that their
father was a brute.
Onward! The way may be rough,
and every step bo painful; but the
destination can be reached if you
only make the effort.
Onward! The hill you climb is
high and precipitous, and is fearful
toil to rise it; but press on! The
summit can be gained, and then the
sense of victory is exquisite.
Onward! You battle with a thou-
sand foes who maliciously hate you,
and because of this, fight on I The
triumph can be obtained, and among
the fruits of victory is a throne in
Onwardl God says walk, run,
agonize, that you may win the prize,
and enter into the straight gate.
Onward! The saints on high, look-
ing down from their rest and glory,
seeing your faltering and lagging
steps, are shouting their calls of love
—Onward! come up higher to the
Onwardl The rich men, who have
not a drop of water to cool their
tongues, seeing you stopping, dally-
ing, givine: up, cry to you with all the
bitterness of death—"Onward. It is
death, it is hell to stop!"—United
Hoio a Sugar Ealer iraa Scared.
Our friend F— —likcp sweet things.
From a kiss on the lips of a pretty
maiden to a lump of sugar, nothing
comes amiss with him in the sac*
charine line. Especially Is he fond of
s gar. Sugar in the Cane, stigar in
his drinks, or sugar pe# so finds an
ardent lover in F . Living in a
picturesque hamlet, not twenty miles
from Knoxvillc, he often came to
town on business or pleasure. On
such occasions he plays havoc with
confectioners' sweetmeats, and is a
mortal foe to the samples of Bngar
in tho wholesale merchants' sample
roomti. On Saturday, friend F
I eing in town, called at the store of
one of our largest wholesale firms.
Whilo engaged in the purchase of a
line of teas and coffees, lie noticed
a sample of white sugar on a sheet
of letter paper, and thoughtlessly,
by force of habit, tasted it. Before
loug the sugar was all gone.
A clerk in the employ of the firm,
coming into tho room a few moments
afterwards, noticed the disappear-
ance of the sugar. Awaro of the
penchant of F for sweets, the
clerk at once came to tho conclusion
that the disappearanco of tho sugar
was to bo laid at the door, or rather
mouth, of tho gentleman from the
country. Being well acquainted with
F , tho clerk conceived the idea
of a joke at his expense. Calling to
the merchant, who \vas engaged con-
versing with F«——, tho clerk excit
edly asked him if ho 44 had noticed
that rat poison lying round?'*
" Hat poison—where was it" asked
41 Lying about hero on a piece of
"Ah—what did it look like?" asked
the now startled F .
44 Well, it looked like white sugar.
The fact is, it was white sugar, im-
pregnated with arsenic acid," quiet*
ly answered the clerk.
"Oh! Ah! Hold me I'm dying! 1
thought it was sugar, and cat it,"
shouted tho now thoroughly frighten-
44 My gracious, it will kill yon! No,
it won't either, if you don't drink ai>y
water. Rats eat it and then drink
water and burst," maliciously cried
The sugar, together with the desire
for a drink of water, aided by the
heated imagination of poor F
made him think he was dying with
tho thirst produced by the poison,
and hastily striding towards the
door, he shouted hoarsely:
"A doctor—for God's sake lead me
to a doctor; I'm poisoned 1"
The clerk ran after him, and catch-
ing him before he reached the street,
between bursts of laughter, manag-
ed to relievo the seared F from
the terror which was fast depriving
him of reason. F laughed heart-
ily, too, after a while, but he didn't
think enough of that clerk to spend
a great deal of money on a present
for him Christmas.
Why is a dog'* tail a great novel-
ty ? Because no ono ever saw it
Here’s what’s next.
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Patillo, F. J. The Home Advocate. (Jefferson, Tex.), Vol. 1, No. 48, Ed. 1 Saturday, January 1, 1870, newspaper, January 1, 1870; Jefferson, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth235573/m1/1/: accessed July 24, 2017), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting The Dolph Briscoe Center for American History.