Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 20, No. 45, Ed. 1 Friday, March 12, 2004 Page: 33 of 72
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WHAT YOU CAN DO
Paula Martinac has ideas about
what you can do to recruit straight
allies to the gay marriage cause
Paul Varnell on gay marriage, and
why, whether 5 or 50 years away,
it's a growing inevitability.
es the women off with a smile or a quick-witted
But she shouldn't have to.
The gay and lesbian community needs people
like Emily. We need straight women and men
who not only support us politically but also min-
gle with us socially who see beyond our sexual
orientation to our true selves. In order to have a
society where we are treated equally we need to
not just fit in with straight people in straight soci-
ety but accommodate straight people who fit in
What these women are doing to Emily isn't
funny and it isn't right. It's predatory. Lesbians
have long complained about men who try to turn
us. Many of us have been in a situation where
we've mentioned that we're lesbians only to be
told something like this: "Well, have you been
with a man?" or "You're only a lesbian because
you haven't been with me," or "You don't know
what you're missing. How can you possibly be
happy with another girl?"
These are offensive comments. We don't have
to prove to anyone that we're really lesbians. We
don't have to have had sex with a man to know
we're not romantically attracted to them, though
of course some of us have had that experience.
Some women who haven't had sex at all know
that they're lesbians — why shouldn't that be
true of straight women like Emily as well?
I understand what my friends are thinking. My
posse has several women who once thought they
were straight—a couple have been married to
men or were near marriage. Still, those women
always had the question in the back of their
heads; most of them had the idea that yeah, kiss-
ing a girl would probably be pretty cool. They
wondered if they were lesbians; perhaps they had
a few near-lesbian experiences; they found them-
selves turning around to watch cute girls as they
passed on the street.
And of course, some supposedly straight
women, especially young ones, set off our gay-
dar. They have a butch way of walking, or they
never seem to be in a relationship with a man
they like, or they talk a lot about women they find
attractive even though they're sleeping with a
guy, or they engage in drunken flirtations with
But Emily's not like that. She's a girl's girl.
She likes sparkly jeans and mini skirts. She wears
her hair long and curly. She salivates over men
like Michael Vartan from Alias and soccer star
David Beckham. She reads chick lit and cries
during heterosexual romantic comedies. She
reads as straight.
When lesbians try to "convert" straight girls
like Emily, they are saying that they aren't
respecting their choice and desire to be with men.
They are also invalidating everything we say
about gay men and lesbians: that we can't be con-
verted, that we're born this way, that we have the
right to love the gender we choose.
Emily is straight. A lot of men and women
who hang out with and enjoy the company of gay
people are straight.
I mean, really—do we honestly think that if
someone supports our causes and hangs out with
us, then they must be gay? Aren't our civil rights
important enough to engage the ideals of high-
minded people? Isn't our company cool enough
to be enjoyed by people of a different sexual ori-
We need to give the straight people who love
us room to be themselves, just as they are gener-
ous enough to withhold from trying to make us
Leave Emily — and those like her — alone. I
don't want to lose her friendship because some
other lesbians have decided that everyone in their
circle needs to play on our team.
Jennifer Vanasco is an award-winning syndi-
cated columnist based in Chicago.
Hit 'em in pocketbook
"Marriage: the state of being united to a person in a
consensual and contractual relationship recognized by
law." We are fighting so hard to have this word applied to
our committed relationships — which is logical. But
instead of beating our heads against the brick wall of con-
servatism, how about hitting them where it matters most?
Commission a study of the IRS' tax laws as related to
married straight couples versus unmarried gay couples. As
with the adoption/foster parenting controversy a few years
ago, as soon as politicians see how much money is
involved — and in this case the government loses money
by not allowing gays and lesbians to marry, —we'll most
likely feel the wind rush past us as the heads double-take.
It seems that money is understood more than logic and
ideology. Let's get where we want to be using what tools
we have. Our money can be our bargaining tool.
Federation of Gay Games clarifies
I'm writing to clarify an answer that the Federation of
Gay Games gave to Jim Provenzano when he was
researching his recent article, "Playing Games: Did
Montreal Lie Its Way Through Contract Negotiations?"
The exact e-mail question and answer I had with Jim
Provenzano: "Can a FGG rep prove or explain how
Equipe Montreal obtained the e-mail list for their survey
and participants' e-mails? Did they inappropriately take it
from FGG's database?"
My reply: "We do have reason to believe they obtained
access inappropriately, because there were some dummy
TO SEND A LETTER
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e-mail aliases used to test the Sydney 2002 database that
later received e-mail information directly from Montreal
2006. There really doesn't seem to be much other expla-
nation. We would welcome a correction or clarification
from either or both of Equipe Montreal and Montreal 2006
as to how those dummy e-mail addresses received their
Jim went a bit too far in writing "Charlie Carson ...
says he knows that Montreal used the Sydney registration
First, the response came from the Federation of Gay
Games, approved by several of our representatives. I was
merely the one Jim corresponded with.
Further, it is unfortunate that the federation's offer to
stand corrected was dropped.
The federation is happy to answer questions from the
media, but we believe it is only fair to both the federation
and Montreal 2006 that our quotes be attributed accurate-
Charlie Carson, secretary
Federation of Gay Games
1st priority: defeating Bush
I'm pleased to see someone else that agrees with what
I've been saying. If President Bush gets re-elected it will
more than likely be our fault. We as gays need to know
when to shut up and think of the good of the country
instead of ourselves.
The issue of marriage is important, but the question I'd
like to ask is this: Is it so important that we would jeopard-
ize the economy by keeping it in the forefront of this elec-
Knowing what our enemy, namely the Christian Right,
will do to attack any candidate who is for us — especially
on marriage, do everything that is possible to make him
look like he is the Antichrist, should we not lay low and
make this election about Bush and his economic policies
and his background?
Defense Secretary Donald Rumfield, under Reagan, is
the one who gave Iraq the weapons of mass destruction.
The United Nations, France, Germany and Russia were
right in their assessment of the intellegence data that was
given to them.
Massive amounts of jobs have gone overseas under
Bush and his father.
Bush sold off his stock in his Midland oil company just
before it went bankrupt. Under his watch as governor of
Texas, the pollution levels in the state rose.
Just where in the line-up of issues should we put gay
marriage. First? I think not. Let's work to get this man out
of office. Then we can worry about getting our rights to
Personally, I'd love to find the love of my life and be
able to marry him and it be legal in every state. But if the
economy is in bad shape and there are no jobs, who cares
if we can marry or not? We must stop the loss of middle
class jobs. We as gays have more expendable income, but
only so long as our jobs exist. It's time to take off the
gloves and start fighting for all of America, including our-
"The battle to defeat the Federal
Marriage Amendment will be joined by
Republicans from around our nation —
straight and gay, black and white, rich
Carla Halbrook of Dallas, member of Log Cabin
Republicans' national board of directors
"There are and have been false,
vicious gossip that after thorough
investigation by numerous media out-
lets have been found to be completely
Robert Black, spokesman for Gov. Rick Perry, on
persistent rumors that Perry was about to be
served divorce papers after his wife discovered
him in bed with another man.
"This man acts like he is God and
everyone revolves around him."
Rev. Charles Morrow, pastor of Jubilee Christian
Fellowship, on negotiations for a lease with
Mitchell Rasansky, a member of the
Dallas City Council
"I guess they have a right to be upset,
but they didn't throw away their
Reed Bogle, donor and volunteer at Walt Whitman
Community School, on other donors who
expressed concerns about the school's
03.12.04 I dallas voice I 33
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Vercher, Dennis. Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 20, No. 45, Ed. 1 Friday, March 12, 2004, newspaper, March 12, 2004; Dallas, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth238885/m1/33/: accessed October 21, 2017), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting UNT Libraries Special Collections.