Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 20, No. 45, Ed. 1 Friday, March 12, 2004 Page: 51 of 72
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Dear Candy: I don't know what to say or do to pro-
tect a dear friend from being hurt.
"Sharon" has been single for almost two years,
having come out of a long-term relationship.
Recently she has been enamored with a much
younger woman who recently moved to Dallas
for a new job. The younger woman comes from
a different social set, is gorgeous and was proba-
bly a debutante in school. I suspect she must be
having trouble relocating in the city and finding
a set of friends. I think she's simply passing time
with my longtime friend.
Sharon has a heart of gold, and I am concerned
that once the new flame gets more settled that she
will discard Sharon without looking back. It con-
cerns me (and my partner) to think of the coming
heartache, but Sharon will not permit one word
of realism in our conversations. How can I pro-
tect her from the pain when she won't protect
Dear Worried: You sound like you and your part-
ner are supportive, loyal friends. Sharon is lucky
to have you two in her life. It never ceases to
amaze me how skilled we are at bringing friends
into our life and how unskilled we are at bringing
romantic relationships into our lives. What I do
know, however, is that we can learn these skills.
And how we learn these skills is to be wholly
engaged in our lives.
Although painful to watch, our friends will
learn these skill sets more fully by making mis-
takes rather than living error-free. Bravo to
Sharon for living her life by actively dating and
not merely watching from the sidelines. If indeed
your assessment is correct (and I do think friends
can see more clearly what we are doing than we
can), then Sharon might experience some pain.
She will be learning much needed lessons about
romantic relationships while at the same time
feeling support from good friends.
To answer your question: "How can I protect
her from the pain ..." You can see that she must
experience pain in order to grow and develop
healthy skill sets. Continue to be a good friend
and be there for her if this current dating relation-
ship ends painfully for Sharon. Be there to wit-
ness her growth and listen to her as she learns to
make sense of what happened. Good luck.
Candy Marcum is a Licensed Professional
Counselor in private practice.
Continued from Page 48
But according to Dermody, they're missing
out. "The observer or fan has no idea what's
going on," he says. "He creates a fetish, deprives
himself of knowing the true nature of male bond-
ing, which is far more of an aphrodisiac."
Most clubs play down the erotic angle —
unless it's for fundraising efforts. Seattle and San
Francisco's clubs sell sexy calendars, as well as
T-shirts and other clothing. Several clubs offer
demonstrations at street fairs and nightclubs.
American gay-inclusive clubs are all dues-
paying members of USA Wrestling for insurance
purposes. None have ever been turned down for
membership. But few in amateur wrestling
acknowledge a gay presence.
Of his fellow athletes who straddle social and
sexual misconceptions — being visible yet
invisible—says Brigham, "There's a tribal bond
that transcends politics and sexuality."
Jim Pmvenzano is the author of the novels
"PINS" and "Monkey Suits. "
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03.12.04 I dallas voice I 51
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Vercher, Dennis. Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 20, No. 45, Ed. 1 Friday, March 12, 2004, newspaper, March 12, 2004; Dallas, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth238885/m1/51/: accessed December 18, 2017), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting UNT Libraries Special Collections.