Scouting, Volume 82, Number 2, March-April 1994 Page: 51
The following text was automatically extracted from the image on this page using optical character recognition software:
Family Talk (from page 18)
declares Dr. Shad Helmstetter, au-
thor of Predictive Parenting. "Mixed
signals, fed to the unconscious mind,
create mental programs that are un-
clear and confusing. If the programs
that operate the young person's men-
tal computer are full of contradic-
tions, how can that boy or girl ever
get solid, clear directions through
Many families have found it helpful
to write down clear, concise rules on
such issues as: television—when and
what can be viewed; bedtime—the
time that lights go out on school
nights and weekends; toys—which
ones are shared and which ones are
not shared; and more.
• Help a child learn to live with com-
promise. Children tend to think in
terms of extreme opposites and do
not recognize intermediate options.
Such rigidity is emotionally constric-
tive and leads to useless frustration.
Children will find life easier and
more peaceful when they learn to be
flexible and live with compromise. In
his book Stress and Your Child, Dr.
Archibald D. Hart, dean of The Grad-
uate School of Psychology at Fuller
Theological Seminary, Pasadena,
Calif., relates an important lesson of
"My oldest grandson had the privi-
lege of bringing home the class pet
bird. As soon as Vincent got the bird
home, Allen, his younger brother, nat-
urally wanted to hold the bird. Vin-
cent refused. Allen tried persuasion
and even wailing, but to no avail.
Finally we worked out a strategy. We
set the kitchen timer for five-minute
intervals. As soon as it dinged, the
bird changed shoulders. Everyone,
including grandparents, got a turn to
play with the bird. And amazingly, we
got through the weekend without
• Stress persistence and patience.
These two qualities help devise a
powerful formula for success in life.
From the earliest age, children need
to discover the joy in overcoming ob-
stacles. This is especially true for the
strong-willed child who is often easily
frustrated when results do not come
Urge young people to consider the
example of a young man who wanted
to play baseball. As a child he was
small for his age and clumsy. His bat-
ting and catching skills were so poor
none of the other kids wanted him on
their team. Yet he persisted and exer-
cised patience because he truly want-
ed to play baseball well. By practicing
for many hours each day he began to
improve. And as an adult, Lou Gehrig
became one of baseball's greatest
• Express disapproval of behavior
but never of the child. When a child
does something wrong, a parent must
carefully express disapproval of the
act without diminishing and humiliat-
ing the child.
"Avoid expressing global disap-
proval of the whole child, for example,
'I don't like you for that,' or 'You bad
boy!"' advises psychologist Charles
Schaefer. "Rather, your reaction
should be limited to specific behav-
iors, such as, 'I don't like your loud
screaming in the house.' You want to
avoid the message that the child is a
bad or evil person who has terrible
faults. Blaming, damning, or threat-
ening to withdraw love after a mis-
deed only compounds the problem by
lowering the child's self-esteem."
• Finally, parenting is always done
more gracefully and effectively when
mom and dad maintain a sense of
humor. One experienced mother often
shares this thought with new parents:
"If it was going to be easy to raise
kids, it never would have started
with something called labor." ■
Victor Parachin lives in Virginia
Beach, Va. He is a parent, a former
newspaper reporter, and an ordained
c ■ 3 ^ ""A 11 V ^ .
'i r'V' 'nA'Sl
For years we
have helped thousands
of groups (school, church,
social and civic) raise the money they
need quickly and easily.
Our colorful "Profit Potentials Catalog of
Fundraising Ideas' includes the most
profitable money-making products and
programs for small and large groups alike.
>FREE CATALOG <
Call TOLL-FREE or mail this coupon
1-800-543-5480 Ext. 3404
451 Black Forest Rd., Hull, IA51239
Bound volumes of BOYS' LIFE
and SCOUTING magazines are
available for 1988,1989, & 1991.
Purchase one for yourself, a friend, a
unit library or to present to a scouter
for outstanding service.
Please send me-
volume(s) of (Circle one) BOYS' LIFE/ SCOUTING
for the year(s) at a cost of $25 .(X) each
(postage paid). The total cost is $
Outside the U.S., add $7.00 postage. Print the name
volume(s) at a cost of $5.00 per volume.(optional)
Charge my VISA-
_ Mastercard -
Send volume(s) toe _
BOYS' LIFE, Dept. S200 PO Box 152079 Irving, TX 75015-2079
Scouting r<f March-April 1994
Here’s what’s next.
This issue can be searched. Note: Results may vary based on the legibility of text within the document.
Tools / Downloads
Get a copy of this page or view the extracted text.
Citing and Sharing
Basic information for referencing this web page. We also provide extended guidance on usage rights, references, copying or embedding.
Reference the current page of this Periodical.
Boy Scouts of America. Scouting, Volume 82, Number 2, March-April 1994, periodical, March 1994; Irving, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth353616/m1/51/: accessed April 21, 2019), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Boy Scouts of America National Scouting Museum.