Scouting, Volume 61, Number 3, March-April 1973 Page: 15
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even the susceptibilities of others,
is an extreme to be avoided at all
costs. It is worth making an effort
to "treat every man you meet with
such consideration that his memory
of you will be pleasant." That is
not a quotation from some head-
in-the-clouds philosopher, but a
maxim written in the first volume
of the Alexander Hamilton Institute
course in Modern Business by the
late Dr. Joseph French Johnson,
dean of the New York University
School of Commerce.
All thoroughbred people are con-
siderate of the feelings of others
no matter what the station in life
of the others may be, and employers
and managers have an undoubted
duty to be courteous to those who
work for them. Courtesy softens
the giving of orders and takes off
the sharp edge of power.
Some techniques.
It was the French philosopher
Auguste Comte who coined the
term "altruism," which means the
placing of others above self, of their
interests above one's own. Teachers
of all faiths and moralists of all
schools have emphasized our duties
to others, and self-forgetfulness has
a big part to play in bringing
courtesy to maturity.
Indifference is the most hurtful
affront we can give people. They
crave personal recognition. It is ill-
mannered to ignore people in the
home or office, to pass them with-
out greeting, to look at them with
blank eyes, to talk around them as
if they were not there. Everyone
can contribute to the pleasantness
of life by recognizing fellow human
beings with a greeting or good-bye
or a wave of the hand. Nothing is
less burdensome than to give praise
where we reasonably can, and even
to magnify somewhat what has
been well-done or well-tried.
There is no more severe test of a
person's chivalry and integrity than
how he behaves when he is wrong.
An apology should not be stilted or
half-hearted. The injured person
does not wish to humiliate the
wrongdoer: he wants to be healed
because he has been hurt. He will
readily forget an insult or an injury
upon learning the doer's regret.
Patience is an ingredient in cour-
tesy. Every person has dark mo-
ments, brought on by frustration
in a piece of work, disappointment
in a pet project, or inability to cope
with a crisis. When a companion or
workmate is withdrawn and un-
responsive, say to yourself that this
may be a day when several of his
problems have raised their heads at
the same time, and be patient.
Conversation and argument.
Argument sours and spoils con-
versation, said Benjamin Franklin.
"Persons of good sense seldom fall
into it." But if an argument de-
velops, keep some maxims of cour-
tesy in mind. Preface all statements
of difference of opinion with a con-
ciliatory word. Listen, think, con-
cede, be moderate, tell what your
authority is, and leave the door
open so that your opponent can
come over to your side without
losing face.
Do not be witty at the cost of
others: it is hateful to make a joke
that can hurt someone, or to laugh
at a mistake he makes.
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If you are in the position where
you must criticize another because
it is your duty to do so, begin with
honest appreciation of what has
been done well or honestly at-
tempted. Say what needs to be
said, not all that you could say.
Personality and poise.
Personality is the sum total of
the effect we have on other peo-
ple. It arises from our habits of
thought.
People will judge you first by
your graces and may then scan
your intellectual merits. It is worth
while, therefore, to eliminate little
personal whims, habits and traits
that smudge your social polish.
Serenity and poise become the
constant companions of the person
who is courteous. If someone
makes a thrust at him which he
cannot parry, courtesy is the shield
upon which he receives the blow.
We may be affronted and infuri-
ated by others' behavior, but what
they do is not under our power to
control. Our own strength is to
react fittingly: like the philosopher
who, when kicked by a mule, over-
looked the insult on considering its
source. The poet William Cowper
said it more poetically: "A moral,
sensible and well-bred man will not
affront me, and no other can."
Little things.
Courtesy, after all, consists of
little things. It wins friends in the
collisions and minor adjustments
of daily life. Both democracy and
industrialism demand a greater
individual display of courtesy and
mutual tolerance than the human
animal was accustomed to practice
in less complex societies.
Raphael, the great Italian painter,
said that he drew men and women,
not as they were, but as they ought
to be. What a good hint this is for
those who seek to be courteous—
treat people as if they were what
they could be! ■
Condensed by permission from The Royal
Bank of Canada Monthly Letter
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Boy Scouts of America. Scouting, Volume 61, Number 3, March-April 1973, periodical, March 1973; New Brunswick, NJ. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth353622/m1/15/: accessed April 24, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Boy Scouts of America National Scouting Museum.