Scouting, Volume 83, Number 1, January-February 1995 Page: 15
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A WOMAN OPENED A CARD RE-
ceived in the mail and read the follow-
ing Mother's Day message: "I just want
to say thank you. You have been supportive
and understanding. I know that you love me
and care deeply about me. Please know how
much I love and care for you. Thank you for
everything you have done for me."
While that expression of praise and thanks
would warm any mother's heart, the woman
who received the card was a stepmother.
Although the term "stepmother" often con-
jures up images of the evil woman in Cin-
derella, this family's experience was positive
and mutually beneficial.
Every day 1,300 new stepfamilies are
formed in the United States. It is estimated
that by the year 2000 one of every four chil-
dren in this country will live with a steppar-
ent by the age of 16 and more than half of all
American families will be stepfamilies. Clear-
ly, the traditional view of a "typical" family is
shifting dramatically.
Even though blended families bring their
own unique pressures, it is possible to estab-
lish healthy rapport and strong relationships
between members of a stepfamily. Here are
some creative ways to face the challenge of
living in a stepfamily.
• Put your marriage first. This is the most
important first step of living in a stepfamily.
The well-being of the entire stepfamily de-
pends on the well-being of the couple. Put-
ting your marriage first means husband and
wife spending quality time together, cultivat-
ing intimacy, and providing each other with
Talk
Facing
Life in
Today's
Stepfamily
Every day 1,300 new
blended' families
are formed in the
United States;
each brings with it
a combination of
unique pressures and
special challenges.
By Victor Parachin
constant love and support.
Here is some good advice from Jo Ann
Schiller and Merry Bloch Jones, both
members of stepfamilies and the authors
of Stepmothers: Keeping It Together With
Your Husband and His Kids:
"Do what you have to do to get your mar-
riage where you want it. Be willing to com-
promise everything but your marriage. If
your marriage can't please the entire family,
accept that, even if it requires the exclusion
of some family members. Accept the facts as
they are, take care of your marriage and be
happy."
• Use the three "magic" words often: "Tell me
more." In any family there are misunder-
standings which can lead to hurt and anger.
In his book, Making Peace In Your Step-
family, psychiatrist Harold H. Bloomfield
advises using these "magic words" to ex-
press feelings and defuse anger:
"I recommend that couples use a tech-
nique called 'Tell Me More' to hear each
other's hurt and anger without becoming de-
fensive. The technique requires that the
angry spouse ask for an opportunity to ex-
press her or his hurt, and that the other
spouse agree to listen until the anger is fully
expressed.
"To avoid becoming defensive and to en-
courage complete communication, the listen-
er repeats the phrase Tell me more' until the
angry spouse has fully vented her or his feel-
ings. By using the 'tell me more' exercise,
potentially intense conflicts are quickly re-
(continued on page 38)
Scouting January-February 1995
15
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Boy Scouts of America. Scouting, Volume 83, Number 1, January-February 1995, periodical, January 1995; Irving, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth353659/m1/15/: accessed March 28, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Boy Scouts of America National Scouting Museum.