The Corrigan Press (Corrigan, Tex.), Vol. 45, No. 16, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 6, 1939 Page: 4 of 8
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THE CORRIGAN PRESS
OUR COMIC SECTION
J. Millar Watt
I ONLY DRINK CHAMPAGNE-
ON E-X.TRA SPECIAL
WHAT DO YOU/ *,
WHEN l DRINK
© Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
C. M. Payne
“1 was given a book with posi-
tively no sense in it!”
“So was I—without cents either.”
“What was yours?”
British Guide (showing places of
interest)—It was in this room that
Lord Wellington received his first
American Tourist (suddenly inter-
ested)—How much was it?
Husband—You have bought the
$10 hat when I liked the $5 one
Wife—Yes, dear, but just to please
you I bought the $5 one as well.—
CUT TO MEASURE
Bug—Tee, hee, why should I wor-
ry about the coal shortage, when
here is a nice box of stove wood
★ Charlie Is Taken Down
★ Politics Promotes Ann
★ Orchestra Leaders All
- By Virginia Vale-
PEOPLE in New York are
1 still talking about Charlie
McCarthy’s first week there.
In fact, a new aristocracy
sprung into being; its mem-
bers were the people who had
actually gone to the first
broadcast (tickets were
scarcer than hen’s teeth),
and they are still high-hatting
their friends who couldn’t get
in, and running perfectly good
luncheons and dinner parties by
insisting on telling about how cute
"You simply have to see him to
appreciate him,” they declare,
which is rather hard on the people
who have never seen Charlie and
probably won’t get a chance, as
Edgar Bergen is too busy for per-
Charlie's kidnaping, one evening,
by the amusement editor of one of
the newspapers, very nearly stirred
up a lot of trouble. The famous
little man is insured for $2,500.
Bergen was so worried that after
Charlie's reappearance he took to
taking Charlie apart and hiding him
Ann Sheridan has sort of crept
into stardom by the back door, al-
though she deserves the promotion.
It’s “Naughty but Nice" that stars
her, and studio politics are involved,
f or this is Dick Powell's last for
Warner Brothers, and it's an old
studio custom to play down the de-
parting star, since advertising him
just means that you’re promoting
property that will soon belong to
So the charming and hard-work-
ing Ann gets big billing in this one,
after five years of doing her best
with whatever roles came her way.
Katherine Hepburn is doing very
well indeed in her new theatrical
venture, "The Philadelphia Story,”
although it has not, at this writing,
been given the acid test of presen-
tation in New York. Apparently
Miss Hepburn still cherishes some
affection for the screen; she has
bought the film rights to the play
and will do it herself before the
Nowadays it seems that every-
body who can’t get a job feels that
the answer to the unemployment
problem is becoming an orchestra
leader. Prize fighters, millionaires,
tap-dancers, movie stars—all are
more than willing to step in front
of a band and wave a baton. But
it’s a rare thing for a man who
works with his hands to become an
orchestra leader—Russ Morgan is
about the only exception to the rule.
He's an ex-coal miner, you know.
He worked in the Nanticoke Mine,
near Scranton, Pa., until the fore-
man fired him for playing a trom-
bone in his spare time. The fore-
man happened to be his father.
Today he is one of the top bracket
orchestra leaders. Before he was
twenty-one he had written arrange-
ments for such famous musical men
as John Phillip Souse and Victor
If you’re considering writing for
radio here’s something to remem-
ber. Due to the threat of federal
censorship, radio stations are lean-
ing over backward in their efforts
not to offend. The Federal Commu-
nications commission, which is in
charge of renewing broadcasting li-
censes every six months, has hinted
they will frown on the following
forms of radio fare: fortune tell-
ing, astrology or similar sciences,
solicitation of funds, except for rec-
ognized worthwhile charities, mis-
leading statements, defamatory
statements, obscenity, programs of-
fending religious or racial groups,
over-melodramatic children’s pro-
grams, liquor advertising, too much
advertising and too many phono-
ODDS AND ENDS—All the bin name
bands will be in New York for the
World's lair . . . Joan Craw/ord has
picked South America for Iter impending
vacation . . . Hinn Crosby brought the
law down on a Topeka lawyer recently;
when arrested lor speedinfi the lawyer
alibied, ”/ was listeninn to Ilian Cros-
by and fornot to look at my speedome-
ter,,” and when Ilian heard of it he wrote
the man a note sayinn “You've been
punished twice; how much do I owe
© Western Newspaper Union.
A distinguished bishop, while mak-
ing a journey by rail, was unable to
find his ticket when the inspector
asked for it.
“Never mind, bishop,” said the
official, who knew him well, “I’ll
get it on my second round.”
However, when the inspector
passed through the coach again the
ticket was still missing.
“0, well, bishop, it will be all
right if you never find it,” the in-
spector assured him.
“No, it won’t,” contradicted the
bishop. “I’ve got to find that ticket.
I want to know where I’m going.”—
Stray Stories Magazine.
“My daughter wants a roll of No.
120 camera film.”
“Regular or verichrome?”
“What’s the difference?”
“The verichrome is a much faster
film than the regular, but it is five
“Give me the regular. My daugh-
ter has plenty of time."
READY TO GO
Lawyer (paternally, to client anx-
ious for divorce)—My dear young
lady, occasional tiffs are bound to
occur in your married life. But
think of the joy to be got out of it.
Client—Exactly. Get me out of
“So you never find fault with your
“I should say not,” answered Mr.
Meekton. “When my wife conde-
scends to cook I say everything I
can to encourage her!"—Washington
“That teacup you broke yester-
day can’t be matched anywhere,
“Oh, aren’t I lucky, mum? I
thought I should have to buy a new
Another Tyrone Power.
Teacher—Andy, write: “I’m a bad
boy,” on the blackboard and sign
your name 100 times.
Andy—Oh, just an autograph
Oliver—Last night, I heard a bur-
glar. You should have seen me go-
ing downstairs three steps at a time.
Betty—Where was he—on the
Teacher—Can you think of two
words that contain over a thousand
Oliver—Yes, ma’am. Post office.
Took No Chances
“Won’t you take the sleeping pow-
der the doctor prescribed, Maria?”
“Yes—but you won’t get the front-
USE SOFT PEDAL
Masseur—Yes, sir, as I said be-
fore, sir, your skin is very unsightly.
Patron—Well, you needn’t rub it
Mrs. Horner—To whom are you
writing that letter, Andy.
Andy—To Professor Wotasnozzle.
Mrs. Horner—Why are you writ-
ing so slowly?
Andy—He can’t read very fast.
“I want a box of powder for my
sister, please,” said the angel child.
“The kind that goes off with a
bang?” asked the jolly old chemist.
“No, clever, the kind that goes
on with a puff.”
KKIUIC’E NFNKini.Y! Lose up to
weekly, (’hurt and Information Free.
DK. WENDT. CANTON, SO. DAI
to 7 I ha.
The doctor put a thermometer in
the sweet young thing’s mouth.
“Thank you,” she said. “Have
you a match?”
"Is your husband liberal in mon-
“He is not. He’s a politician,
and he opposes every bill I want
Artist—I’m sure, madam, I shall
never be able to reproduce the won-
derful coloring of your face.
Subject—That’s easy—you’ll find
plenty of it in my compact.
Pa—Well, son, how are your
Son—They’re under water.
Pa—What do you mean, under wa-
Son—Below “C” level.—Royal Ar-
doubt woman is the eternal ques-
Dzudi—Sure, and if you take it
from me, man is eternally finding
the wrong answer.
Amelia—I’ll never speak to Bill
again. He told another girl I was
easy to kiss, and I told him he
would have to prove it or apolo-
Archie—Well, what are you mad
f Safety Talks )
Like the Chicken, We—
T T BEGINS to look as though
^ maybe we humans are second
cousins to the chickens when it
comes to crossing the road.
Of 7,250 pedestrians killed dur-
ing 1937 in traffic accidents that
occurred in cities, says the Na-
tional Safety council, in its 1938
edition of “Accident Facts,” 85 per
cent were struck while crossing
About 2,900 persons were injured
fatally while crossing a street
somewhere BETWEEN intersec-
tions. Approximately 3,260 met
their death at intersections. Either
they were crossing the intersec-
tion with the traffic signal, against
the signal, diagonally, or were
crossing an intersection at which
there was no traffic signal. Dead-
ly and tragic work at the cross-
They won't BELIEVE
... it's CASTOR OIL
Good old reliable castor oil. a house-
hold stand by for generations, ha*
been "modernized" at last. A broad
new refining process washes away
all the impurities, which, in the past,
made castor oil so objectionable,
leaving Kellogg's Perfected Tasteless
Castor Oil odorless, tasteless. EASY
TO TAKE, lull-strength, always de-
pendable. Get a bottle of Kellogg's
Perfected today for general family
use. Demand genuine Kellogg's Per-
fected — accept no so-called "taste-
less" substitute. Sold at all drug
■tores in V/i oz. refinery-sealed
bottles—only 25c a bottle. Approved
by Good Housekeeping Bureau.
The Great Need Space
An acorn cannot make much
headway in a flower fat.
Help Tlicm Cleanse the Blood
of Harmful Body Waste
Your kidneys sre eonstsntly filtering
waste matter from the blood stream. But
kidneys sometimes lag in their work—do
not act as Nature intended—fail to re-
move Impurities that, if retained, may
poison the system and upset the whole
Symptoms may be nagging backache^
persistent headache, attacks of dizziness,
getting up nights, swelling, pufflness
under the eyes—a feeling of nervous
anxiety and loss of pep and strength.
Other signs of kidney or bladder dis-
gns of kidney c
order may be burning, scanty or too
*e Bhould bo no doubt that prompt
treatment is wiser than neglect. Use
Doan’s Pills. Doan’a hnvo been winni
new friends for moro than forty yes
They have a nation-wido reputatb
inve been winning
limn forty years.
, nation-wido reputation,
ded by grateful people the
Auk t/our neighbor]
Here’s what’s next.
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Harris, Mrs. B. Gerson. The Corrigan Press (Corrigan, Tex.), Vol. 45, No. 16, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 6, 1939, newspaper, April 6, 1939; Corrigan, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth642164/m1/4/: accessed May 27, 2019), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Livingston Municipal Library.