Texas Gulf Coast Catholic (Corpus Christi, Tex.), Vol. 9, No. 14, Ed. 1 Friday, August 16, 1974 Page: 2 of 6
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HE PUT A WOMAN IN HER PLACE
“We Can’t Afford it”
James J. Rue, Ph. D.
My husband and I have been married for 33
years, and we have four adult children.
My husband’s mother was married twice.
The second husband did not like the children,
and so Fred, my husband, was sent tO'itve
with his grandmother who spoiled him.
Now, here b my problem. Fred has never
made very much money, but he has supported
us by having two Jobs. He would always give
me an allowance for the necessities, but that
was all. He would have money for his own
enjoyment, but never for the children or me.
His famous words are, "We can't afford it,"
whenever the children or I needed something.
We have argued about this situation through
the years. Most of the time I have eaten
humble pie and accepted it
Fred is very selfish about everything. You
put a dish of potato chips In front of the
grandchildren, and he has his hands In the
dish to make sure he isn’t left out
Although I have "made my bed," ae the
saying goes, I am not happy, but resigned to
fate. I would still like to know if there Is any
relationship between his selfishne^j and the
fact that he was not raised by Ms mother.
There are several problems mingled
Your major concern is for a better un-
derstanding of your husband's personality.
You are baffled by his attitude toward you
and the children through the years. You
sense, quite perceptively, that there may be a
relationship between his selfishness and the
lack of a loving maternal influence in his
Your second problem is somewhat
disguised. It is your own inner conflict and
passivity with respect to your husband's "We
can’t afford it" response. You have resigned
yourself to it, but your comments reveal
suppressed anger. You want your husband to
do something about the situation, but so far
you have not sought alternate solutions
which could improve your marital life.
Let’s examine the problem of your
husband’s selfishness and the absence of a
loving maternal influence.
Although your husband may have had a
grandmother who Indulged him, he realized
that this was not love. Certainly it was not the
authentic love of a mother who could alleviate
his fears and give him emotional security.
Your husband probably retained powerful
feelings of rejection since bis mother’s choice
of a second husband, in preference to him,
indicated to him that she did not care very
much about him. Therefore, the surrogate
influence, his grandmother, could never
compensate him far what he felt was lacking:
the comforting and continuing love of his own
Try to understand that this is your
husband’s interpretation of his early life. His
mother may have loved him, but she wqs not
forced to make a choice. And your husband
interpreted that choice as a rejection of him.
Your husband’s craving for love was,
therefore, transferred to money and other
material objects. This is not uncommon.
Many individuals try to bolster their inner
security by the acquisition of money to
compensate for the love denied them.
Hence, you husband’s subconscious attitude
was that there would never be enough money
(i.e., love) tar him, and he "could not afford
it" (money or love) for other members of his
family because he felt he would be denying
himself. These attitudes were reenforced by
the fact that he earned only a modest income,
and he was forced realistically to make every
Your feelings of denial were intensified
when you saw your husband respond in-
flexibly to legitimate requests for money with
"We can’t afford it.” By passively resigning
yourself to this statement, you grew to resent
your husband and felt he was inordinately
Consider now for a moment that at this
point in your life you can mitigate your
husband’s anxiety, and participate more fully
in life by finding work that will be satisfying
and remunerative. Then you will be able to
afford sane of the things you wish to buy for
your children, grandchildren, and yourself.
Your husband will be less tense and critical
when he sees that you are offering some
supplemental family income and moral
support to him. His fears of not having enough
love or money will gradually diminish. And
your relationship should improve.
When a husband or wife’s primary concern
is focused on “me" and "my share first,’’
conflict invariably occurs.
Reassure your husband in three ways:
Contribute some supplemental income by
working full or part-time. Be generous in
gestures of love and encouragement. Refrain
from making demands on him, and gradually
you will find that his attitude may shift to a
voluntary desire to please you more
As his anxiety dwindles, your husband will
become more capable of giving love and
money without fear of jeopardizing his own
"Let as pnay
poR peace and
a health*/ rooRalit*/”
Vatican V oices
The Prophetic Hole of the Church
Krtilcrt l>> ( Ictus llcaiv, S
The entire Bibie is dominated by the impac t
of a Divine Design or Plan that is gradually
unfolding. This Design is universal in scope;
it involves all of mankind, For its im-
plementation through history God chooses
men, groups of men: Abraham, the People of
Israel, the Twelve, and so on. The concept of
Election is linked to this Design or Plan,
which always involves a kind of setting apart
or choice, in order dynamically to fulfil it.
Hence we sec emerge in the pages of the Old
and New Testaments the concepts of Vocation
and Mission, which are always inseparable . .
Whether we have been aware cf it or not. we
have been called by God to His Church and
given a part in a mission which involves all
One of the theological insights proclaimed
by Vatican II is that the Church ot Christ is
essentially or by its very nature a missionary
"The Church has been divinely sent to all
nations that she might be ‘the universal
sacrament of salvation’. Acting out of the
innermost requirements of her own
Our Parish Council
In the interest of efficiency for parish
council meetings, it woud help if members
gave their excuses for goofing-up or for
failing to do something by the numbers.
The follov/ing numbered excuses should
cover most any case.
It will save time if you will just use the
appropriate number for your excuse the next
time you report at your council meeting.
1. That’s the way we've always done it.
2. I didn't know you needed it now.
3. That wasn’t my assignment.
4. No one told me I could go ahead on this.
5. I was waiting for an okay from the ^
pastor, chairman, or president.
6. I didn’t know there was anything dif-
ferent about: this. k
7. I thought some committee was supposed
to do that.
3. I was waiting for the pastor, president,
or chair person to get back in order to ask him
9. I missel the last meeting.
catholicity and in ol>ediene‘' to her Founder's
mandate i cf. Mk. lfi 6i» she strives to
proclaim the Gospel to all men ". (Decree on
Hie M issivns. n 1. > . . .
The 'Good News" or the Gospel was meant
by God to p'netratc every sphere into which
we and all men have divided themselves. A
grand plan of infiltration is involved therefore
in Mission, the planting of a life-giving
nucleus in the midst of every part of mankind
A very basic theological truth that should
underscore our reflections and discussions is
that of the centrality of Christ in the Divine
Flan of Salvation ....
Through Christ, the Word made flesh, we
have access to the Father in the Holy Spirit
and come to share in the Divine nature.
Through this Revelation the invisible God, out
of the abundance of His love spoke to us as
friends and lived among us so that He might
unite us into fellowship with Himself....
Jesus Christ perfected this Divine
Revelation . . .He confirmed with divine
10 I forgot.
11. I didn’t realize that it was important.
12. I was so busy that I just couldn’t get
around to it.
13. I asked someone else to do it.
14. My minutes got lost in the mail.
15. I didn't get any notice.
16. The job description for our committee
didn't include that.
17. I didn’t volunteer to do that!
18. I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t do anything.
19. I was on vacation at the time.
20. It seemed like a good idea then.
21. I didn’t want to get blamed if something
22. There was nothing in our by-laws to
(C) 1974, Voice Publications. Bernard
Lyons is editor of COUNCIL Newsletter. For
a free copy of the newsletter, write to:
COUNCIL Newsletter, 724 North Harvey, Oak
Park, IL 60302.
testimony what Divine Revelation
pioclaimod. namely that God is with us to
liberate us from the darkness of sin and death
and to raise us up to life eternal.
Sacred Scripture refers to faith as an ac-
ceptance or as obedience (cf. Rom. 16- 26;
Cor it): n-(ji which must be given to God who
reveals, an obedience by which we freely
entru -i to Him our whole selves, offering the
full submission of intellect and will and freely
assenting to truth revealed by Him ....
As the Son was sent by the Father, so He too
sent the Apostles . . . The Church in turn
received from the Apostles, as a task to be
discharged, the solemn mandate of Christ to
proclaim everywhere and to all men this
saving truth ...
The challenging yvords of Vatican II must
be heard by all of us: “. . . The Church is
compelled by the Holy Spirit to do her part.. .
By the proclamation of the Gospel, she
prepares her hearers to receive and profess
tnefaith, disposes them for baptism, snatches
them from the slavery of error, and in-
corporates them into Christ so :hat through
charity they may grow up into full maturity in
Christ” (Dogmatic Constitution On The
Church, 17) ... .
Occupying a pre-eminent place among the
transmitters are bishops, priests, and
deacons, who by special call and designation
are “ministers of the Word” ....
The Vatican Council Decree on the laity
contains a very clear and pointed presen-
tation on the layman’s call to be a transmitter
in the work of evangelization....: “The laity,
loo, share in the priestly, prophetic arid royal
office of Christ and therefore have their own
role to play in the mission of the whole People
of God in the Church and in the world ....
They exercise a genuine apostolate by their
activity on behalf of bringing the gospel and
holiness to men, and on behalf of penetrating
and perfecting the temporal sphere of things
through the spirit of the gospel. In this way,
their temporal activity can openly bear
witness to Christ and promote (he salvation of
The Gospel is “Good News of salvation”
(Eph. 1:13). It is news of that power which
wins us forgiveness for past sin, liberation
from present sin, strength for the future to
conquer sin. In a word, it is the Good News of
(Excerpts from an address of Rev. Vincent J.
Nugent, C.M., delivered in the “Faith in
Motion” Congress, and published in the
L’Osservatore Romano May 16, 1974.)
Gire Excuses by the Number
By Bernard Lyons
I EDITORIALS I
The Spirit in Action
The Violation of Professional Secret
Fr. Ignatius P. Checuti
Every member of the medical profession,
nurses included, have a sacred (Alligation to
keep inviolate the secrets of their patients.
This obligation stems from commutative
justice with regard to the patient and from
legal justice in regard to society. Thus,
morally and socially, the members of the
medical profession are bound to secrecy
which is owed by their patients.
No doubt it is a sound moral principle that
whenever one is bound to an end, he is also
bound to adopt the reasonable means to
achieve that end. Since the professional
person is obliged to rigid secrecy, all
reasonable steps to fulfill this obligation must
be taken. Under this heading come the
privacy necessary for interviewing and
treating patients, privacy assured for all
medical case records and other documents
belonging to the patients, and likewise
assurance that all confidential information
which inevitably must fall under the domain
of all assistants would be kept strictly
It should go without saying that this kind of
secrecy is able to be violated not only by
words but by a nod of the head, or by any
other signs that might contribute to omission
or commission. Hence, a nurse would act
wrongly if she gives confidential information
acquired in the exercise of her task to In-
surance Companies, Beneficial Societies and
similar agencies. Even if the patient himself
should express permission that any in-
formation about him need not be withheld
from those agencies, the nurse should make it
her bounden duty to refer the matter to the
doctor. As a general rule, a nurse has not been
trained in subjects concerning Insurance
policies, benefits and other legcl details.
Likewise, in most cases, the patient himself
lacks the medical and legal equipment to
appreciate the implications deriving from the
information which he volunteers to give to the
interested agencies. Proper medical and
legal advice should be sought by the patient
before any such declarations are mude.
In general, professional secrets are com-
mitted secrets, either implicit or explicit
depending on whether one is obliged to
secrecy or by reason of his accepting office
respectively. The violation of such secrets is
in itself a grave sin; however, it could be
slight considering the matter revealed which
could be trifling and the degree and extent of
the harm caused by its revelation. Morally
speaking, there are instances wherein a
committed secret, such as the medical
professional secret, may be revealed: (a)
serious harm to society; (b) serious and
unjust injury to an innocent party being
threatened from him who committed the
secret. An example here is in order. If a man
who is sexually diseased cannot be dissuaded
from marrying by his physician, the latter
may reveal the matter to the prospective
bride. But one may not violate professional
secrecy in order to testify against a criminal
to save an innocent person from being
judicially condemned if the criminal is not the
cause of the condemnation, (c) A grave
misfortune to oneself. No one is expected to
cause damage to himself. I d) To avert serious
evil from him who has committed the secret.
F uch is the case of one who wants to go ahead
and contract an invalid marriage and would
not be otherwise dissuaded unless by the
revelation of the secret.
In point of fact, the deliberate violation of a
professional secret is so apt to inflict damage
that it is difficult to excuse one from grave
sin. As a matter of fact, in such a case the
welfare of the patient is in jeopardy. The
reputation of the medical profession and the
confidence of society in that profession are
seriously in danger. Society indeed needs the
medical profession, especially in this age and
time when the progressing scientific
discoveries are making it possible for that
profession to dominate over nature more
thoroughly and extensively that so much
could be achieved by it if its pledge of secrecy
is kept intact.
Morally speaking, it would be a grave sin
indeed should the patient suffer any
irreparable loss as a result of the violation,
should the reputation of the profession suffer
any discredit, and should society be deprived
of the wonderful humanitarian achievements
from the members of this worthy profession.
texas gulf coast
CAT HOL I C
Published weekly, except the last week of December and the last week of July.
Official Newspaper of the Diocese of Corpus Christi
President.........................Noil Rev. Thom■ a J. Drury, D. D.
Editor and Business Manager................Father Raymond Pena
Circulation Manager.......... ....................Mrs. Irene Doyle
Advertising Manager..........i....................Mrs. Alice Price.
Address oil communications to:
TEXAS GULF COAST CATHOLIC
I*. O. Box 2584, Corpus Christi, Texas 78403
Telephone - 882-6191 Ext. 34
Price $4.00 per year
Entered as Second Class Matter United States Post Office
Corpus Christi, Texas
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Pena, Raymond. Texas Gulf Coast Catholic (Corpus Christi, Tex.), Vol. 9, No. 14, Ed. 1 Friday, August 16, 1974, newspaper, August 16, 1974; Corpus Christi, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth835627/m1/2/: accessed August 16, 2018), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; .