South Texas Catholic (Corpus Christi, Tex.), Vol. 17, No. 11, Ed. 1 Friday, August 7, 1981 Page: 4 of 16
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Page 4
South Texas Catholic
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Friday, August-7,1981
How do children learn to lie?
CL. My six year old daughter is
beginning to lie every new and then,
Where do children learn the concept of
lying and how should parents deal with
it?
A. (By Steve Gengenbacher, Spc,
M.F.C.)
For the most part, 1 think, we parents
TRAIN our children in the “Fine art" of
lying,
Sound strange? Think about it for a
minute. Let’s say little Johnny, five years
old, cannot stand his little brother,
Mark, age 2(4. for whatever reason —
he gets more attention from mom, etc.
But let’s forget about the circumstances
for a bit and concentrate cn the
pi ogTession of events.
Johnny: (after running screaming out
the back door, mad at has little brother
for something) “I hate him! I hate him! I
hate him!!!”
Mother: (grabbing him and giving
him a swift smack) “How dare you say
you hate your brother.,, he's your
brother,. .you must love him!”
Johnny: (after crying for a bit, goes
up and hugs his brother) "O-k, mom, I
love Mark. See?”
Grateful for funds
Bishop Drury:
Of all the letters I write the one I
favor is this one — to thank you, the
Ordinary, youT clergy and faithful for
the check for $11,504.09 sent to our
office as a result of the annual collection
for the Indian and Black Apostolate.
I have visited the areas that need
these funds and I make every effort to
see that they are used well. As a former
missionary I am sensitive to the needs
and feelings of the minorities and we try
to seive them in the best possible way.
Please, then, be a sured of our
gratitude and of our desire to be one
with you in serving the growing Indian
and Black Catholic community of the
United States.
Sincerely in Our Lord,
Msgr. Paul A. Lenz, Director
Commission for the Catholic Missions
Among the Colored People
and the Indians
Bishop Drury:
I have gratefully received your letter
of July 7 containing a check for
$14,079.60 representing the annual
Good Friday collection of the diocese for
the Holy Land.
Gratefully yours in Christ,
Rev. Boniface Pfeilschifter
Commissary of the Holy Land
Celibacy vs. marriage
Dear Editor:
In response to Father Michael Burke’s
letter in the July 24 issue of the South
Texas Catholic, I would like to submit
the following.
I had thought the Church had grown
past the attitude of celibacy VS.
marriage and had come to celebrate two
important lifestyles together - celibacy
AND marriage as equally valid and
viable vocations leading persons home
to their Father. There is simply no
Mother: (giving Johnny a hug and an
extra piece of cake) "Good, Johnny, 1
knew you did.”
In the above situation, Johnny’s
mother has effectively set up a pattern
with her son encouraging him to He.
Granted, it is difficult to deal with
sibling rivalry, and it takes time to work
out the causes and possible solutions for
Johnny’s obvious dislike of his youngeT
brother. But he was PUNISHED for
telling the truth, arid REWARDED for
telling a lie. IF A CHILD IS
REWARDED FOR TELLING A LIE,
HE WILL TELL THE LIE, IF HE IS
REWARDED FOR TELLING THE
TRUTH, HE WILL TELL THE
TRUTH.
As hard as it may sound, that is, it is
easy for parents to become enraged
when they discover that their child is
lying, if we parents want to teach
honesty, then we must be prepared to
listen to bitter truths as well as pleasant
truths. For children to grow up honest,
they must not be encouraged to He
about their feelings, whether they are
positive, or negative. In the above
situation, for example, Johnny can
conclude that truth hurts, dishonesty
rewards, and that mother loves little
liars,
Our reactions to our children, then,
determine their response: if they are
punished for telling the truth, then they
will have to revert to lying in
self-defense. To a discerning ear, lies
reveal what they intend to conceal. A
mature reaction to a He should reflect
understanding of its meaning (do not
interpret this as agreement or
condonement of the action) — children
need limits), rather than denial of its
content or condemnation of its author.
As Dr. Ginott, in his book, Between
Parent and Child, says, “The
information gained from the lie can be
used to help the child to distinguish
between reality and wishful thinking.”
Or, as in Johnny’s case, “I wish I were
the one getting the attention RIGHT
NOW.”
You see, children’s “misbehavior” is
unconsciously deliberate — NOT
consciously deliberate and vicious ~
that is, there’s a underlying reason or
cause. Is it attention? power? or just an
accident?
If a parent reacts with hysteria,
moralizing, scorn, criticism and
punishment, such behavior only serves
to perpetuate lying. To be told we’re
naughty, bad^ incapable of being'good
definitely does not encourage us to build
within us the necessary fortitude to tell
the truth. Acceptance, forgiveness and
understanding do, however. And which
one of us adults has it ail together in this
area? Let’s not expect our children to be
more perfect than we are — that’s a
(See CHILDREN, pg. 16)
to the editor
longer any need, in my opinion, to
discuss which is more “sacred” (or, if I
can be so bold as to define Father
Burke’s idea of “sacred” as “better” or
“much more holy"), since both
VOCATIONS COMPLEMENT and
FULFILL each other. The celibate state
can be a witness and inspiration to
married couples, and married couples
can be witness and inspiration to those
chosing the celibate life. (And in this
discussion, pity the single person, whose
lifestyle, just as important in serving the
Lord, is also looked down upon as a
lesser vocation, since “they could not
make it married or as a priest...” We
really do waste a lot of time and energy
trying to prove which calling is better,
when in reality we are ALL able to
answer the Lord’s call to love and serve.)
In reflecting upon Father Burke’s
letter, several thoughts struck me, the
first of which proposes that the question
of marriage vs. celibacy is at best a
mute/invalid issue. Marriage is a
sacrament, celibacy is not (I do not
wish to get embroiled in the optional
celibacy debate here - that is better left
to the theologians, of whose company I
am not a member.)
Secondly, Sacred Scripture -talks of
many gifts, but one Spirit, many
members, yet one body. Surely
marriage and celibacy fall into this
category, since each calling is a gift
designed to build the Kingdom. Or have
we had any amputations lately of which
I had not known?
And again, just as St. Paul talks of
celibacy as an important calling since
celibates arc more free to serve the
Lord. St. Paul also talks about marriage
as a great “mystery,” Referring to the
Teaching of Christ, a Catholic
Catechism for adults, “The union of
Christ with His Church is so intimate as
to find no more apt comparison than
the relation of husband and wife. The
relationship of husband and wife in turn
finds its only adequate expression and
sign in Christ’s love for His Church.” As
Christ gave himself up for the Church,
so do husband and wife for each other;
In this way, the union of husband and
wife is drawn into Christ’s sacrificial
love for His Church, and thus into the
mystery of His death and resurrection.
The catechism goes on to say that
“those joined in sacramental marriage
are a visible sign of God’s love for the
Church and of God’s love for mankind.
They remind us all of God's love, and of
the fact that all love comes from God,
for “God is love’^. and should lead back
to God...Both married love and perfect
chastity should direct the heart toward
eternity and love fulfilled. The
sacramental meaning of marriage
points to this. So also does the life of
those vowed to perfect chastity...The
married and celibate vocations, then,
far from being opposed to each other,
support each other within the basic
Christian vocation to seek holiness in
love.”
Later the catechism quotes the
Documents of the Second Vatican
Council, Guadium et Spes, saying that
“Christ the Lord raised this union to the
divinity of a sacrament so that it might
more clearly recall and more easily
reflect his own unbreakable union with
His Church.”
For those who would consider that
marriage is less “sacred” because it is
more “of this world,” may I submit that
the very nature of saermaent is that
Christ is at work IN OUR WORLD,
that He took very human - yet
important - events we all experience *
birth, reconciliation, service, conjugal
love - and made them occasions in
which we experience His love and
salvation right here, right now. Yes. we
must keep our eyes glued to heaven, but
we also need to know where we’re
walking on earth, lest we trip.
Finally, having spent ten years in the
seminary myself, studying for the
priesthood and now happily married, I
am many times very tempted to
conclude that living out the Lord’s call
to love and serve one another in
marriage is much more difficult and
possibly much more “sacred” when one
is totally immersed in the nitty gritty of
his/her ministry. However, I also realize
the demands of celibate service.
Holiness comes in many types of
service. But let me emphasize that I
don’t believe we can look upon the
married state as a “second-class”
position in the Church anymore. Father
Charles Gallagher, director of
Worldwide Marriage Encounter, says
that “Married people should be looked
(See CELIBACY, pg. 16)
SouthTCxas Catholic
Published weekly except the last week of July and the Friday of the week
following Christmas,
Publisher.............................Most Rev. Thomas J. Drury, D.D.
Editor and Business Manager ...................Father Robert E. Freeman
News Editor......................................... .Joe Michael Feist
Contributing Editor ..........................Sister Janie Barrera, IWBS
Circulation/Advertising....................................Pearl Boyle
Address all communications to: south TEXAS CATHOLIC, P.O, Box
2584* Corpus Chrisii, TX 78403 Phone: 512/882-6191. Price: $5 per year.
Second class postage paid, United States Post Office, Corpus Christi, Texas
[USPS-540-860]
Editorial opinion presented in the South Texas Catholic are the views of the
authors only.
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Freeman, Robert E. South Texas Catholic (Corpus Christi, Tex.), Vol. 17, No. 11, Ed. 1 Friday, August 7, 1981, newspaper, August 7, 1981; Corpus Christi, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth840336/m1/4/: accessed April 23, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; .