South Texas Catholic (Corpus Christi, Tex.), Vol. 21, No. 32, Ed. 1 Friday, September 19, 1986 Page: 4 of 16
This newspaper is part of the collection entitled: Texas Gulf Coast Register/South Texas Catholic and was provided to The Portal to Texas History by the UNT Libraries.
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September 19, 1986—4
Christian Family
Talks with Parents
Shy? You’re not alone
By Dolores Curran
“I was painfully shy as a child,” a
self-assured young mother admitted in
a workshop. ‘‘Now I see my own child
struggling with this problem. How can
I help him?”
“How did you deal with it?” I ask-
ed. “What helped you overcome it?”
She laughed nervously. “I didn’t.
I’m embarrassed to say I’m still shy.”
Those around her reacted with
disbelief. “You? Shy?” one of her
friends exclaimed. “You’re one of the
most confident people I know.”
“It’s all surface,” the shy mother
replied. “Underneath I’m really in-
secure, especially with new people and
situations. I wouldn’t have come today
if you weren’t here.”
There was a slight rustle of empathy
and I asked, “How many of you here
consider yourselves shy?” Three-
fourths of the group raised hands.
Shy people are in the majority of our i
culture. A recent survey indicates that
40 percent of college-aged people con-
sider themselves shy with another 40
percent admitting shyness in certain
situations. That means most of us are
shy some of the time.
What causes shyness? Basically, it’s
a fear of being judged negatively by
others, especially in social situations.
Many self-identified shy people, like
Johnny Carson, Garrison Keillor and
Barbara Walters, are confident in
work situations but insecure in social
ones. Indeed, a high percentage of ac-
tors and actresses admit to debilitating
personal shyness.
Shy people are constantly apprehen-
sive about others’ impressions of
them. They fear rejection. They often
react by withdrawing so they appear
unfriendly to others. They don’t mean
to appear so but the result, of course,
is that other people perceive them as
unfriendly and react accordingly,
which only intensifies the shy person’s
feelings of unworthiness.
Shyness can be a painful affliction.
It doesn’t help to tell basically shy per-
sons they, should not feel shy. That’s
discounting their feelings. And it
doesn’t help to push shy children into
new social situations because it merely
increases their anxiety.
Self-esteem lies at the base of
shyness. If people fear ridicule, rejec-
tion or failure, their fear often gets in
the way of success and proves they are
incapable and unlovable. To
counteract this, they avoid risks. They
are comfortable only with familiar
people and situations and avoid
others.
Because shyness involves an
unusually high preoccupation with
oneself—how are others perceiving
me—the most effective method of
overcoming shyness is that of shifting
one’s attention to others, particularly
helping others in a given situation.
Shy people are great caregivers and
evidence a high degree of empathy.
Eleanor Roosevelt, who ended up
travelling around the world and
meeting heads of state, was paralyzed
by shyness as a child and young adult.
She overcame her disability by learn-
ing to ask people about themselves and
listening to them. Once she turned at-
tention away from herself, she was
okay.
One of the myths of shyness is that it
cannot be changed. It can and has
been with considerable success. Much
shyness emanates from learned
behavior which can be unlearned if
one makes the effort.
For those suffering from shyness, I
recommend Philip Zimbardo’s book,
Shyness: What Is It, What To Do
About It, and for parents of shy
children, I recommend the same
author’s The Shy Child. Both include
information and helpful suggestions
on learning to deal with failure, perfec-
tionism, rejection and insecurity so
that shyness will not remain a lifelong
affliction.
Having said all of the above, I must
admit that some of my favorite people
are shy. They are above the pretense
and bravado that so many adopt today
to appear successful. At least shy peo-
ple are genuine. They know their
limitations and they genuinely care
about others. I just wish they felt bet-
ter about themselves. Then, of course,
they would no longer be shy and I pro-
bably wouldn’t like them so much.
From My Pew
What is a pet dog good for?
By Hilda Young
NC News Service
A pet dog is a friend who likes you even when no
one else does, who never laughs at you and who
doesn’t throw your weaknesses in your face.
A pet dog is not always wise about what he chews.
A pet dog is a companion who is happy to go where
you go, when you want to, for whatever reason.
A pet dog is an animal with a tail with a mind of its
own which helps explain why tails sometimes knock
ashtrays off tables, slap people behind the knees and
get caught in doors.
A pet dog is a good listener.
A pet dog is a born kisser who likes to stick his nose
in your eye and slurp your face with his tongue.
A pet dog is good company when you want to read
a book, watch TV or just lie on your back and think
about things. And he never asks stupid questions.
A pet dog is not concerned about his bad breath,
not even in the car.
A pet dog is a buddy who needs to lay his head on
your lap sometimes, have you scratch behind his ears
and tell him how good he is.
A pet dog is a sage teacher of values—not judging
you on how much money you have, what kind of
clothes you wear or where you live.
A pet dog is happy to eat the same thing every day
and is even willing to shake hands, roll over, bark or
sit up to prove it.
A pet dog is a good example of kindness and
forgiveness when he still loves you when you forget to
feed him or if you accidently hurt him.
A pet dog is amazing—able to hear a whistle you
can’t, catch a tennis ball in his teeth and keep his
teeth clean without brushing.
A pet dog is one of the best things about coming
home.
A pet dog is a friend you will never forget.
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Freeman, Robert E. South Texas Catholic (Corpus Christi, Tex.), Vol. 21, No. 32, Ed. 1 Friday, September 19, 1986, newspaper, September 19, 1986; Corpus Christi, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth840569/m1/4/: accessed April 19, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; .