The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 27, No. 23, Ed. 1, Friday, March 29, 1940 Page: 1 of 4
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- FOO -FOO - FOO - FOO - FOO -FOO - FOO - FOO - FOO - FOO - FOO - FOO -
Laugh and the World Laughs With You Weep and You're A Cry-Ruby.
ABILENE CHRISTIAN COLLEGE ABILENE TEXAS fkiday march 29 1910
I "flNlTEHE 1
PREXfY IS A FLIRT
W. II. Free president of tho
board of trustees revealed Wed
nesday night that James F. Cox
did not resign from his position
us president of Abilene Christian
college. Ho was demoted because
of an episode at Coney Island last
summer when the Cox family went
to see the New York World's Fair.
Believe It or ont Proxy was seen
holding hands with a girl less
than half his own age. What n-
bout it Mary Goree?
Sub-T-10 and PALS are plan-
ning to pull a merger so as to cut
banquet coats according to Skip-
per Graham Orr. A kind of broth-
er and sister arrangement with
no parental complications.
Poor Doc Gibson won't bo with
us much longer. lie got balled up
the other day. He started to take
a pink pill for his athlete's foot.
But someone had spilled some mer-
curochromc in his medicine chest
and he took a tinted white pill by
mistake. It was the type he pre-
scribes for a common cold. Fun-
eral services will not bo held till
after he kicks off.
J. Willie Treat is the only fac-
ulty member still virile enough
to want to play baseball in the
Tegular faculty-senior fracas. Be-
cause of the age conditions on our
teaching staff (only three are still
eligible to be on the supreme
Because eion on the week
that April Fool happens on the
end of there arc some things
we feel you Just have to know
jou will occasionally run n-
cross a bona fide story in this
issue of The Optimist. It will
cairy the word. "Certified" at
the end of the story to disting-
court) tho game will bo converted
into a faculty-seventh-grade mar-
ble shoot this year.
NEW YEAR RESOLVE
James E. Freeman is late again
lie's saved his new year's resolu
tions till April Fools day because
ho knows ho never means them
Now he's taken the pledge to meet
all of his classes at least once a
week. And he will not give tests
every timo he is called out of
town he says! The louse. He's my
major prof! But he's still a louse!
The louse I
Doc Schug will find himself in
Deep trouble if he doesn't stop
shooting spit-balls through his
plpo stem in French class.
SILENCE (WE MEAN STILL)
Paul C. Witt teetotaler has or
dered a new larger still for the
chemistry lab. Tho output of the
old one is too small sezzee. (It
makes distilled water on holidays).
Dean Walter II. Arams has con-
fiscated the Oh Johnny and Man
That Comes Around records frorrf
the Hclvey-IIarris nickelodeons.
Ho says "I want them at homo
whero I can ploy them over and
over without taking out a first
mortgage on the phonograph."
Continued on pago 2.)
"MUST" EXTRACTED FROM
CHAPEL ATTENDANCE RULE
Atendancc Takes Unprecedented
Spurt Folloning New Rule;
Crouds Near Record
Compulsory chapel is a thing
of the past inACC. The daily half
hour of must-co which has hunir
like a cloud over the six hundred
onc-and-thrccfourths student aver-
age enrollment of Abilene Chris
tian College since 1900 was out
lawed as a "must" by faculty mem-
bers in a meeting Friday night.
Three of the four attending
members turned thumbs down on a
last minute effort of W. R. Smith
to retain the traditional penalty
for non-attendance. Smith's was
the only dissenting vote to the re-
peal. The vote: For renca! Charles
II. Roberson Jewell Watson Fred
Barton and W. M. Yowcll (the
count of three affirmative votes is
obtained by listing each of the
afore-going ns v.); against re
peal W. P.. Smith.
Following the banishment of
compulsory chapel figures fiom
Olarn Bishop's office show that at-
tendance jumped 300 ner cent.
New seats have been ordered to
accommodate those who have been
having to stand in the aisles be-
cause of crowded conditions in the
Sewcll Auditorium. The structure
scats only 12000 normally.
If attendance keens Increasing
as it has in the last week crowds
may equal those found In Motris
Stadium on a moonllcht nlcht.
president-elect Don Morris believes.
Matron Of Zellner
Will Open Cafe At
Start Of M Term
Adtcrtising Already Contracted
For Next car's Optimist
Thru Son Budge
Mrs. Susan B. Cogdell will onen
a cafe just across the street north
from tht ACC bokstorc next Sep-
tember she announced yesterday.
She has made a down-payment on
the lot and plans to begin work
on a $12.50 structure of modern
brick as soon ns the blue prints
are drawn vp.
Mrs. Cogdell says "I believe this
cafe will fill p long felt need for
cnildren who cat off tho campus
to have a quiet place to eniov
themselves." Girls who have been
enmpused will bo free to visit the
cafe through a special exemption
arranged with Lawrence Smith
whereby the bursar gets half the
Mrs. Cogdell's son Gaston Dab-
ney soys "Wo will of course be
glad to welcome this now Optimist
advertiser to tho environs of Abi-
lene Christian College. The pro-
prietress has already contracted for
BOO inches of advertising for next
year at a blanket charge of $5 00
for the entire amount."
Student Activity Heads Give Opinions Of Faculty
Personalities Or Lack Of Them In Enlightening Poll
Rum go this I
In a survey sponsored and con-
ducted by irate frustrated heads
of student activities on tho per-
sonalities of certain teachers it
was found that 0D and forty-four
100 per cent of tho students were
unaware that their teachers had
Teachers that wero graded in tho
surveys were: Walter II. Adams
James E. Freeman Mrs. Clurcnco
E. Baley and Leonard Burford.
Students questioned wero to
write out unsigned comments on
Dan Finch Expelled
For Connection With
Gun Moll Stames
Will Enroll In McMurry College
Following Completion Of
Dan Finch' wns dismissed from
school Friday it was announced
through Dean Adams' office Sat
urday morning. Finch's expulsion
camo as the result of the disclo
sure by stool pidgeon Clayton Col-
son that the expelled student had
been caught signalling in a "42"
"I WAS BATTY"
Finch has been under observa-
tion here for some time because
of his association with Lula Belle
Starnes known to have been a
notorious gun moll when she was
in her thirties.
Said Finch sniveling ns he en-
trained for San Qucntin "I knew
that fern wohld bring on me noth-
ing but tioublc. Kicking under the
table is n whole lot safer than
holding up fingeis."
After serving a three- car sen-
tence in Sirr Quentin Dapper Dan
will enroll in McMurry College to
finish work on his B.S. degree
He was an education major.
LEAVES MTH CASH
May Have Been Taken Off With
Other Donkeys Is Theorj'
Of Brother Wesley
"Whero is Suzie Cox?" is what
the senior class wants to know. A
liberal reward of three cents (one
cent moie than he was worth snys
Cheslcy McDonald who will lead
tho search) has been offered by
Lawrence Smith for his apprchen
Cox was last seen five minutes
following tho Donkoy Basketball
game Tuesday night March 20
when he collected the gato receipts
at tho box office.
Official estimate of tho receipts
outstanding points of each of the
Following aro some of the most
pertinent nnd intelligent comments.
On Walter II Adams one stu-
dent said "quite lovablo charac-
ter." Another "How docs ho evor
buy a hat?" General consensus
was that Dcanio is not strict
enough and that ho does not havo
On James E. Freeman ."Free-
man is too lenient in classwork
and too strict on tests" said ono
A business ad major. The general
Melpoms Will Give
"Tobacco Road" As
ACC-Mcl'hooey Football Game Be-
tween Hahcs Will Be Scene
Of Play Starring Yatcr
Tobacco Road a gentle and ten
derly wrought comedy of tho hill-
folk of tho eastern states will bo
the next three-net drama of tho
Mclpomcnenn Playeis Club V. W.
Kelley president announced today.
"Tho sponsor Mrs. Morris and
I picked this play because of the
preference of the students for
comedy of the lighter type" said
Kelley. "I personally bclicvo that
this is one of the most rollicking
funny plays of recent years."
Although tryouts have not been
held V. W. said that Cory Fay
Yatcr will play tho lead. "Cory
con cry so well. The real feminine
lead is the old lady Ada who is
ns sweet and lovable an old soul
as ever shot n revenuer or blew
her nose on the hem of her dress."
Picked for tho poit of Jeeter
the leader of the mountaineers is
Wayland James. "Wayland's vo
cabulary is just suited to the part"
"And Clifton Rogers is the man
I have In mind for the part of
tho half-witted son" he continued.
"He will be able to do the part
without trying after he learns
pardon me if ho learns his lines."
No other cast members have been
definitely assigned parts but it Is
reported that tryouts for smaller
parts will be held in n local ball-
"I am glad that such a fine play
as Tobacco Road has been select-
ed." President James F. Cox
stated. I have always stood for
good clean fun nnd I believe that
Wayland will make a good Jeeter
however I recommend that Gnivm
Toms also try out."
The play will probably bo pre
sented between tho halves of the
next ACC-McPhoocy football game.
Brassy As New
Unexpurgated Edition Of Peter
Rabbit Now Read) For
Twenty new spittoons have been
ordered for the library according
to Liz Nelson dictatrcss of the
bookshelves. Tho new spittoons
will have special flanged lims for
maximum catch-ability and will
on the game is 28c. Of this tho
burros wcro to have gotten 1-lcj
the buisar 13c (ginft); and tho
Student Association lc. Tho bal
ance was to have been divided
equally between bills for advertis-
ing and tho senior class gift fund
Wesley Cox gave detectives the
only cluo to tho senior president's
disappearance which they have ns
yet. Wesley's idea was that per
haps his brother had been loaded
into the truck with tho burros byjed
opinion is that Freeman drives an
Oldsmobilc and holds somo kind
of nn administrative position. Oth-
er comments on Freeman doesn't
give students enough leeway on
tests too strict about cheating
looks llko he's always chewing to-
bacco. Mrs. Clarenco E Baley "Uses
too much slang in class" was tho
most forcible criticism of this In-
structor. Composlto plcturo of
Baley shows that she knows Eng
lish much better than she lets on
Students Get Long
Osculation Approached From Scientific
Viewpoint By Roberson In Chapel Lecture
"Old Wnjs Aro Best" Sajs Greek
Hebrew Etcetera Ami Sn
Choilos Hcbcr Roberson pre-
sented one of his killing chapel
talks day after tomorrow at twelve
midnight. His subject was "Oscu-
lation as it wns in the days of the
Blue-backed Speller nnd as it is
It's No Profession
Robcrson's speech was in part
"For heaven's sake don't make a
business of it (osculation) and
don't jump at it with your hat in
one hand and your overshoes in
tho other. Don't pounce on a wom-
an's lips as you would on a ripe
piece of watermelon or a tomato
and bend her back till you can
hear the bones crack in the back
of her neck.
"Don't glue your faco to hers
and have a good time all to your-
self while flattening her nose on
one of her checks. Don't take her
by both cars and look into her eyes
nnd then try to grab it quick. You
are sure to bump noses."
In conclusion tho good Doctor
gave a few rules which he follow-
ed In his own courtship days nnd
which he snys still holds.
Be Subtly Strategic
"Take it easy" says Roberson.
"Don't get excited. Stand a little
behind her just on the right side.
Place your arm diagonally about
her form extending from her right
shoulder until the ends of our fin-
gers touch her belt buckle.
"Take it easy. Don't get excited.
Class Editors And Business Mali
ngers Are Selected For
Tho Sophomore Edition of Tho
Optimist under the editorship of
Thelmn Jolliffe will bu distributed
on tho campus April C. This will
bo the first of tho class editions
published. June Scllen is busi-
bo of the latest polished brass de-
sign. "Thcso little gadgets will help
make the library more homelike
and will lighten the janitor's load"
says Eula B. Hiler one of the staff
members. "Besides" she adds
"I never could hit the old ones."
Another nddition planned for tho
library Is a number of basketless
waste-paper baskets full of trash
to go with the waterless drinking
fountain already installed
New books received by the 11
brary this week aro a complete
set of "Tho Rise and Fall of the
Roman Empire" in one nnd one
half volumes and an unexpurgnted
copy of Peter Rabbit. This last
book will have little advertisements
for Abilene Christian College past-
over the parts we shouldn't
and is not dogmatic enough. Ono
student hatefully accused her of
being altruistic. Other unsigned
comments "wonder 'how long it
will take her to forget she went to
Europe ? personality ? MuM will
cuio that for her quite pleasing
don't know enough nbout it too
hard on janitors and classes that
Leonard Burford Majority of
students believe that "Leon" holds
somo music degree (should bo the
third) once rodo In an aeroplane
- Sought Change In
Take your right hand and gently
brush the golden ringlets from the
left side of her alabnstcr brow
looking in the meantime into the
depth of her azure eyes.
"Take it easy. Don't get excited.
Let your hand rest gently for a
moment on the warm velvet of her
pink and white cheek. Then gently
work the muscles of the right nrm
until her right chotk rests firmly
on your left shoulder just over the
Haste Makes Wasto
"Take it easy. Don't bo in a
hurry. It'll keep. Send a little en-
ergy along the line of tht left nrm.
Now stand still as long as you
can. Then remove your right hand
from her left cheek letting it
drop gently under her chin (if
she has more than one the bot-
tom chin). Work muscles of your
right arm gently.
"Take it easy. Don't hurry. As
chin rises work muscles and let
your head fall gently forward.
Now a little more motion down
the left arm. And ns tho ripe lips
like twin rosebuds part revealing
pearly gates through which there
steals the warm sweet perfume of
her fragrant breath then well
jou know the rest as well ns I do.
"Only tnke it easy. Don't hur-
ry. It can't get nwny; and it
would not i f it could. And if at
first you don't succeed oh well-
You've had n Charles Atlas work-
Following his talk Roberson
nnd Nick Crnig gave an imitation
of the Whistler nnd His Dog.
ness manager of tho Sophomoie
Other editions in order of their
appearance are: juniors April 12;
freshmen April 19; nnd seniors
April 20. Editors nnd business
mnnngers of each paper have been
elected by tho classes.
Ben Bailey will edit the Junior
Edition with David Pursch acting
ns business manager. Frcshmnn
editor will be Lea Short with
Herschel Jenkins running the busi-
ness end. Seniors chose Arvln
White as editor with Louie Welch
in the ad-gathering slot.
Tho class newspaper contest is
an annual affair. Winning class
is awarded a plaque engraved with
the name of the class and the namo
of tho editor of the winning edi-
a few decks of cards with marked
and is a devoted follower of Cab
Calloway. Other intelligent com
menu concerning uurioru arc
"connected with somo chorus I
hear; pleasing; don't know enough
about it; accnpella course petted
too much; I approve; obsolescent;
fair; might encourage somo sing
ers to bo radio singers; too versa-
tile; too much emphasis on modern
So there faculty! That's what
somo of the students think of somo
of you. Wo blush for you I
Southern Is Staunch Supporter Of
New "Sharo The Wealth"
Scheme of Bursar
Matriculation fee will ho fifWn
dollars per semester beginning next
fall announced Lawrence Ripley
tueiicvc-it-or-not) Smith yester-
day. This increase will provido for tho
inclusion of tho Prickly Pear col-
lego annual: Tho Pickwicknr .nm-
pus literary magazine; Tho Opti
mist campus scandal rag; n medi-
cal exam college graft; a dental
exam private graft; a monthly
bath no soap; a year's supply of
razor blades to all adolescents no
fuzz; and a pad of "call to thcr
dean's office" slips all In one fee.
Library fins come extra.
This new plan was worked out
in conjunction with LLLivcrnooI's
previously announced "sharo the
wealth" program by which ho
hopes to get more of the nation's
mone shared with him.
Will Combine Pubs
In order to make ends meet un-
der the new sct-un. the bursar In
tends to combine the three publica
tions! with tho college catalog. By
publishing the magazine annual
nnd newspaper in one yearly ad
vertising organ he figures to cut
down the stuffs the concession
given by the school the printers
Jills and the student enjoyment
no-v embodied in the three.
Pnul Southern head of the Jour-
nalism School in Abilene Christian
college says "I am firmly behind
Lawrence Smith in liia effort to
coordinate campus publications
under one cover. I believa thnt In
writing catalog paragraphs my
journalism classes may find their
true literary forte."
To Science Club In
Offers Useful No cities For
Sale In After-Lecture
The local chapter of the Science
Club met Monday evening in reg-
ular session immediately following'
Young Jtfen's meeting in the base-
ment of McDonald Hall. Tho meet-
ing was in charge of vice-president
Clifton Rogers nnd vice secre-
tary Russell Redman. (The word
"vice" is used in front of all the.
offices in the TScionce Club because
of the nature of the organization.)
Guest speaker for Monday's
meeting was Mind Muddler Mul-
lings PhD in mathematics who
spoke on the mathematical chances
in various gaming devices and
how to bent them.
Mullings devoted most of his
time to tho instruction of draw
power but gave a vivid example
of pick-pocketing. Tho chairman
was unable to find his watch at
the end of tho program.
Di. Mullings cautioned against
over-confidence in two pairs stat-
ing thnt in an ordinary four-man.
game it was unwise to stay behind
tho first raise. He also stated
that one's mathematical chances
were better to hold your pair than
to dusenrd for a one-card draw
in an attempt to hit an in-the-middlo
Mullings favored however
breaking a pair for a chance at
on-the-end-stralght. On tho whole
Mullings favored conservative play
declaring that in the long run it
would win out oven in nn honest
To close tho enlightening nnd
very entertaining discussion the
dear doctor reviewed somo of tho
more elementary tricks of tho
trade such ns dealing off the bot-
tom of tho deck holding back tho
top chrd nnd watching tho cards
as you deal.
After tho lecture Mullings of-
fered for salo galloping dominoes
that would gallop as directed and
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The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Vol. 27, No. 23, Ed. 1, Friday, March 29, 1940, newspaper, March 29, 1940; Abilene, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth91693/m1/1/: accessed May 25, 2017), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Abilene Christian University Library.