The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Ed. 1, Wednesday, April 1, 1964 Page: 8 of 16
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Tarry Beechim noted student
sponsor of Project Moon and past
candidate for freshman class pres-
ident established another sales
record last week in his official ca-
pacity as Student Sales Superin-.
tendent. Asked to account for his
recent success Beechim grinned in
a rather friendly manner and re-
marked that he had begun to see
the possibilities for campus sales
work after reading the best seller
How. to Win Friends and Fool
People.. "Sincerity is the real key
to my phenominal success" he
chirped "you have to really love
people tp do this kind of work.
Say can I come over for a friend-
ly chat sometime? It's been quite
a while since we've had a .real
friendly chat together."
Mrs. Elizabeth Hogue; R. N. a
registered nurse at Abile'fre Chris-
tian College reports that the ACC
infirmary recently distributed its
five thousandth gallon of Kaopec-
tate for the current school year.
"So far we're running off ahead
of all other colleges" registered
nurse Hogue observes.
Asked if ACC expects to main-
tain its lead in the interscholastic
competition registered nurse
Hogue stated proudly; "Certainly
our cafeteria plans to serve lots
more chop suey this semester."
Then she asked to be excused
and hurriedly left the room.
Robert Earl Smith boy editor of
Abilene Christian's terrible tab-
loid the Optimist was recently
honored with the most sought after
prize in journalism the "Most Am-
"He achieved what most of us
of the fourth estate never do"
groaned Rigged Westmoreland
world weary journalism instructor
at ACC "by flaunting oracularity
in the public's puss and getting
paid for it!" v
Hack's Surprise. Astounded at
Smith's inconsistency the old
hacks who presented the award
gasped "We are astounded that
Robert Earl Smith is so consist-
"Every newspaper conforms to
style" concedes fire breathing
Hoibet Taylor Head of ACC's mur-
ibund journalism department "and
Smith's style is not having one."
Overjoyed with his "Most Am-
biguous" award Smith chortled
. "The style book is out of style."
Smith's puny puns portraying
his conscientious attitude toward
the weekly dirge of which he is
editor has endeared him to his
parents his sister and a fantastic
following of feemish females.
Broad Readership. Smith ad-
vancing his desire for a broad
readership has this semester in-
troduced his earth shattering
"News 'n' Reviews" and "Way-
Attributing his fabulous success
to the use of ghost writers the
conscience racked Smith yawned
"If you check back three or four
issues you will find five front
front page stories all ghost written
by Billie Goldie."
"The rest of the Optimist stories
Robert Earl Smith
His puns are puny.
Gayle Fagan supervisor of Abi-
lene Christian's maintenance
crews reports that the school has
acquired a new sprinkler system.
The lanky landscaper laconically
allows that the new system will
be a real boon to the maintenance
department's current campaign to
insure that all campus sidewalks
will be rendered impassable dur-
ing the daily dirt-watering.
' With characteristic good humor
Fagan states that the new system
is equipped with electronic eyes
and tracking devices which are
sensitive to body heat. "Anyone
who gets on one of our sidewalks
is sure to get soaked" fleers the
are ghost written by the Reporter-
News" mumbled the highly in-
"To edit is to discredit me that
is" the seditous scribe glibly gurg-
led thus explaining his rewriting
Before toddling- to his Wednes-
day night club meeting Smith re-
vealed the motto which guided him
to his eventual winning of the
"Most Ambiguous" award. "If
you don't think twice you're all
right" he claimed.
The Yearbook has gone to press
and" the editor Ron Pauls finds
himself with lime on his hands and
nothing to worry about. There are
no more long hours coaxing beg-
ging and finally pleading with
clubs who neglected to turn in
their materials. There are no pic-
tures to schedule and shoot no
more foot races across the campus
looking for a typist (or section
editor) who didn't show up for
. What does an editor do when his
work is over? Begin crying? Climb
walls? Begin to plan another book?
Who knows he may even try rais-
ing that F he received in Bible
class during the final deadline
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The Optimist (Abilene, Tex.), Ed. 1, Wednesday, April 1, 1964, newspaper, April 1, 1964; Abilene, Texas. (texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth91782/m1/8/: accessed February 22, 2018), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Abilene Christian University Library.