[Clipping: Custody battles leave none unscathed] Part: 1 of 4
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Custodybs leave none n
batI~s ,tion unn . tiscathed:'
-Continued from Pagp C. then countered by deann ing cut).
Even parentsJoiparticu-Jont custsdy, a situation where couples haven tody because his-wl b
larly vicious are forced to take ex- equal rigft to make decisions about the child's .rted. Without any other
treme positions once they enter the changing the ctiatodM si
adversary situation of a courtroom, welfare, is an option in Texas, and court counselors jury decided in4s favor,
taysKoons, " often'encourage couples to try such an a selors say. But lf
"In order, to get custody you've judged solely by equal . a
got to say that the other parent is not arrangement. But if the couple can't agree on joint primary caretaker, mothers
fit to raise these kids," he says. custody, judges cannot order it. - always win, judges and
"There's no healing after that." '-____ say, because they almost alWS ve
Besides ,the emotional cost, the the family by Dallas County Family Children who hive been coached given more care to the children .
monetary &bst is also high. Withers Court Services. The counselors rec- are a problem, put 'ihe can usually Judges are aware,.howeve' at
charges $250 ari'hour, as opposed to ommend that parents mediate a com- spot such tactics, says Linda Hahn, a sometimes mothers have performed'
his regular fee of $150 to $200. Law- promise outside of court, unless one counselor with court services. "Its that role, not because they are n es"
yer M.J. (Ike) VandenEykel charges party is accusing the other of abuse snot hard; to. tell, because their Ian- sarily better parents, but bteuose
, $10,000 up front and tells his-clients or mental illness. guage is usually just like an adult's," the. household duties have becn.di.
to be willing to spend $20,000 before If the couple refuses to mediate, she says. "They'll use the same vided so that child care has fallento
the suit has been settled.-" the counselors begin a 30- to 90day words the adult used when telling the mother.
"I tell them they've got to be study. They'll talk to the parents, them what to say instead of using To counter such an arrangement,
ready, willing and able to totally children, teachers, ministers, roea- the words a Syear-old usually does." court masters who set tempor6f Vis-
commit themselves in terms of emo- tives - anyone who might know Now that judges actually investi- station try to give fathers a dGitce
tion, time and' money. Or they're something about how the family in- gate wio has been the primary care- to demonstrate their skills. -
wasting their time and mine," Van- teracts. taker, mothers no longer have an au- "We have fathers come ij here
denEykel says. Then they simply watch the par- tomatic edge over fathers. Especially who have never changed a diaper or
As a further warning against en- ents and children together. "We wait when duties are shared equally, a given a bath, and they want cus-
tering a custody battle, legal experts to see who the toddler' goes to when mother who might have won easily tody," says court master l r'ard
and counselors can recount numer- it gets hungry or tired," says admin- 10 years ago may now lose. Rosenberg. "But that's nothin$hey
ous trials that didn't go the way any- istrator Mary Monroe. "They'll al- Judge Thomas heard such a case can't learn to do. So we try t'Qoiye
one expected. ways go to whoever usually cares for recently. The mother of the woman them as much visitation time As pos-
Mary Monroe, administrator of them." in the case "was crying in the hall sible during the temporary custody
Dallas County Family Court Ser- The counselors ask parents and afterward saying, 'They didn't prove period. They need to get a chance to
vices, remembers the case of a cou- children such questions as: "Who she was an unfit mother,'" Thomas see whether they want to tae-n _
ple who were both -such good par- tucks the children in at night?" says. "But that wasn't what had to be those kinds of responsibilities.". --
ents that she thought either could "Who takes them to the doctor?" proved." Attorney Ike Vandenckl'd, \vho
get custody and the children would "Who does the grocery shopping?" Judge Koons recalls the jury case usually represents fathers.tn cus-
be well served..Both parents were "Who leaves work when the chil- of A young couple with twin girls. tody cases, is Jess in favor pfguth
ordinarily even-tempered, amiable dren are sick?" . "Te dad was about 21 and had just, "trial runs."
- people, but months of fighting left In talking to each parent, coun- g en out of the service. He got out "A father who has been wor'dng
them so estranged that during the selors steer the interview away from on something like a Friday and by 75 hours a week but never does the
trial, they spent much of the time an adversary situation. "We're look- Monday he had a job. He went right little things deserves a meritbadge,"
glaring at each other. One set of ing for their strengths because the to work, got a little apartment, got Vandenlckle says, "but he doesn't de-
grandparents also had asked for cus- other side will always tell us their everything set up to keep the girls. serve custody."
tody, andt there weaknesses," Monroe says. He just never acted like you would Joint custody, a situation where
"Atoug wUnless it's impossible to deter- expect a 21-year-old kid to act. He couples have an equal right to make
oAlthough there was absolutely mine who is the more responsible was real stable," says Koons. decisions about the child's welfare,
fno reason to take -h 1hnre say parent, the counselors make a rec- "The mom was about 19, 20. She is an option in Texas, and court
"that'swat the ry did.nTe ay, -o endation to the court. was doing some partying at night, counselors often encourage couples
"that's what the jury did.Thepar- - changed apartments two -or three to try such an arrangement. But if
ents looked so angry that the jury Once the trial begins, judges ask times. She was sleeping around a lit- the couple can'tfgree on jol',cus-
must have thought no child could the same sorts of questions that the tle bit but not anything In front of tody, judges cann t order it. 2
possibly be happy with them. So, counselors asked. Judge Thomas has the kids. She had two or three jobs. Instead, Dallas county judges set
they gave them ' to the grand- a list of more than a dozen qualifica- She wasn't really doing anything liberal visitation schedules. Koons
parents." tions that she uses to make a deci- that made her a bad mother. says he enforces visitation rights the
. Because of changing social sion. Judge Miller has a similar but "He just demonstrated the kind of same way he enforces child-suppdrt
mores, no one knows what criteria less established pattern of inquiries, solid lifestyle that she didn't, and payments. "I've put parents .in-jail
should be used in making custody "There's always the parent who the jury went with him." for both things,"hesays.
decisions, and most state sex-neutral has lots, of excuses for why they In judging questions of sexual Court counselors say the cqurt
laws leave too much up for grabs, ac- can't be around to do certain morality, counselors and judges ap- tries to avoid setting up a situation
cording to Richard .Neely, a West things," she says. "And then there's pear to apply equal standards toward in which one parent feels like the
Virgin Supreme Court of Appeals the parent who doesn't make the ex- men and women. They tend to ig- loser. "We want to do what's best for
justice and author of The Divorce cues because that's the parent nore extramarital affairs unless they the children," Monroe says. "ome
Decision. - who's been there doing ,the the have been flaunted before the chil- parents are better in a sitiletion
"Court caspgt do justice un . things that have to be done."-.", , ;.. . drem,. . where they don't have custody, bit
it has-some clear, guidelines. abo-ff. Judgqs and counselors also look' - rteer"however, may not Nt ap- .they tIll o1gt to heve8s mt!,ch con-
what .justice. i hewites. "At the. for eimotionai bonds and p tronalty plying the same standards, say three .tact Wth the children ibs possible.
moment, that guidance is backing " - conflicts that may exist between one counselors with court services. "Children need their parents.
Dallas Domestic Court Judge parent and the children. And al- Within the last 18 months, they say, They need the good and the badof
Linda Thomas has noticed this kind though they usually take children's a number of women who they both parents."
-of confusion. While she says juries wishes 'into consideration, they thought should get custody have lost
usually make the same decision she rarely ask children who they want because of 'sexual behavior. Even CUSTODY CHAOS
would have, there has been. a time to live with. when the husbands also have had af-
when fathers scened to have an ,-"I don't think it's-wise to ask the fairs, juries appear to be judging 0 Sunday - Recent/,hangesa vs
edge. - children," says Miller. "Sometimes women more harshly, say the coun- put custody up for rabs
"For a while, Dallas juries were they will volunteer the information, selors. 0 Monday - Mothers who pa ,chiIId
really giving custody to the fathers," - but when they don't, it's because The court counselors recount the support -
says Thomas, who says she doesn't they dcr't- want to make the deci- - stoy of a mother whose little girl Tuesday - How the co e
show favoritism to either side. "That sion." didn't want to visit her father, a custody decisions
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[Clipping: Custody battles leave none unscathed], clipping, April 30, 1985; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc1404415/m1/1/: accessed July 16, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting UNT Libraries Special Collections.