The Collegian (Brownwood, Tex.), Vol. 33, No. 23, Ed. 1, Saturday, April 1, 1939 Page: 2 of 4
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X
DANIEL BAKER COLLEGIAN
Bftterttf at Pott Office of Brownwood Texas m second oUum matter.
PUBLISHED THIS WEEK BY SNOW WHITE AND HER
SEVEN DWARFS
ukoerlptlon Price $1.00 Per Ytar
He Snoops To
Conquer
Iffa MPMMNTIB ran national abvmticim bt
rmiii fcif1 fhllilinii riJU Natkntl AdvertMnc Scrvkc Inc.
DMriaatar of 4to maoimm avi. niw yonk n. y.
m m . ttt t cnkmo ' Soma Ui AaaiiM pmrcik
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EDITORIAL STAFF
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF "Snow White" FowleH
Associate Editor "Happy" Fitzgerald
Club Editor "Sleepy" Holley
Movie Editor "Grumpy" Conway
Columnist "Dopey" Shaw
BUSINESS STAFF
BUSINESS MANAGER "Doc" Brookover
Circulation Manager "Sneezy" Yett
Assistant "Bashful" Kunitz
Faculty Advisor Step-mother who became the Witch
WHO'S WHO ON THE STAFF
Day after day the edi-
tor pounds at the typewrit-
er pecking out stories to
fill un the weekly rag. Her
BSBBv"BbY
Dopey s Dopey Dope
LHIWxHHBBBlBBBnHHHBlBBBBBfl
hands become soiled from
working with dirty ribbons aiding hands with Glenn schuitz
After listening to our dear editor tell us that we were
dopey for the past semester she has now started calling
us Dopey. It is a terrible thing to know that we are a "lettle
tetched in the head" without being-constantly reminded of
it. But it's the truth that hurts. Anyway if we don't find
something new to write about we are going to be a candi-
date for a padded cell.
We have to pat ourselves on the back for the splendid
campaign which we just conducted. At last we have had
a piece of lemon pie from the fair hands of one of our college
cooks Maebelle Fitzgerald. "Fitzie" brought two pies made
by the recipe we published last week to the staff picnic.
The pie was enjoyed by all especially Bill Brookover. (He
et half of one).
Hats off to the S. 0. S. girls for sticking to their ideas
and having the Easter ecrsr hunt in spite of the weather. It
After snooping about for the vvas a SWell outing with plenty of songs popcorn popped over
a wood fire and last but not least the eggs. And there
wasn't a bad egg in the lot we mean the girls.
Spring fever has taken this columnist and there'll be
no more work done for many a day.
Voice from the sidelines: "More Work? ha! ha!") ....
Our chief ambition at the present time is to eat lemon
pie and make love to the girl of our dreams. It seems that
we can expect little cooperation from the ladies on either
count.
It has been swell fun writing this issue we just hope
that people don't take anything seriously.
We close this boresome piece of printed matter with the
past few days trying to uncover
some dirt we find that it doesn't
need uncovering. It can be plainly
seen all over the campus. My
my such scandals!
Ah love at last! Jessie Beryl
has those long talks with Jim
Gray several times dally. From
the look in her eyes she must
have fallen for his fatal
charm.
And goodness! Bettye Jo is seen
and beat-up machines. In
the end it is decided that
her job "sno white" col-
lar job. This week then
she takes on the correct
title of "Snow White."
It iust wouldn't be true
to call Fitzie anything be-
sides "Happy" today on
April Foo's day. It's the
"Foo" day for her in more
ways than one for her
"Foo" Denman is coming
home tonight. So she is
truly "Happy."
the
at every possible chance. Perhaps warning that during the "picnecking" season it is all right
she fears that her rival Cora Fow
les will win him away with her
constant flirtations.
Gosh even the faculty! Didn't
we see Miss Craig making eyes
' at Prof. Holloway? And we
hear that Miss Wilson has
been carrying on an affair
with "Talpa" Thompson.
Of course there's the dorm girls.
Poor things. None of the men
ver notice them anymore much.
Virginia Boyd has a nightly seren-
ader who stands beneath her win-
dow nnrt lilts Spanish love songs
for her lily-white ears. Then
there's Sarah who's crazv about
for a girl to hold on to her man but not while he's driving.
P. S. We re not mad at anyone except ourselves.
Grumpy s Grumpy Grumblings
TL. PJJ... a X7-1.
WUH ""- H W Wl .
. w. Alter sleeping on
job the way she does all of the time it would be incorrect to all tne men and always nsIjJtg on
name rw nuuey iiuymiug uwci man oiccHy. telling them so. But poor Janic.
No explanation is necessary for naming Philip Shaw The unfortunate girl hasn't been
"Dopey". The reason is obvious enough and the name if spoken to by a boy for the past
one knows Philip is self-explanatory. month. She is rumored to spend
Like Shaw the reason for giving Brookover his name is half the night sobbing in her bed.
easily understood. Of course "Doc" wore glasses which
might help to explain but that it only the beginning. The
truth of the matter is that Do'c belt was longer than the belts
of the other dwarfs for he was not underfed just like the
business manager.
At 12:01 last night an earth-
t uake of a terrible violence shook
tne foundations of Los Angeles.
A jagged crack lipped down the
California coast line engulfing all
( f Hollywood and much of the
city of Los Angeles. At the pres-
ent time I'he exact location of
Hollywood is not known but its
arrival is eagerly awaited on the
other side of the globe.
An airplane has been sent out
over the huge crack to pick up
Gracie Allen who was too light-
headed to stay on the dropping
Hollywood and floated up into
space.
Anna Wong is looking forward
to seeing her relatives who will be
there to meet her with a large
bowl of Chop Suey.
"Chig" King says he has to
wear a bucket over his head
nowadays. The girls are capti-
vated by that new haircut of
his
Wflvno CSllthfin fho truJfof
After Yett's courting the grass widow there is no other strummin' Romeo 'has the s. a.
on Gene Kennedy. However she
is too busy playing up to Bob
Farras to notice poor Wayne.
What's this we hear about.
Arnold Jeske and his latest
Fraulein Dorothy Palmer?
Flash! Flash! Those two cele-
brated ivory-punches Jack ftmith
and "Horn-tooter" Goosby have
paired off and have one on a
concert tour to the Fiji Islands.
Tbev weio accompanied by the
internationally famous Hulu-danc-
name for him besides "Sneezy.".
Kunitz is "Bashful" . . . well maybe.
Mrs. Wright is the queen because the queen peddled ap-
ples ; and Mrs. Wright might also go into the apple business
if students keep bringing them to her hoping thereby to get
an English grade.
Then there's nothing left to call Janie. She's really not
grumpy but something is supposed to be wrong in the April
Fool edition ; so we're calling her "Grumpy" for lack of some-
thing better.
William Boyd is the hero of the
night. Just as the crack split and
began consuming houses in a very
piggish manner William Boyd
who was at the edge of the crack-
ing region heard the frantic scream
of his wife. On his beautiful white
horrr lie gJA ped up to the very
rdgc of precipice and throwing
out his tiusty rope lassoed his
wife around her pretty white ears.
"Gone With The Rest" will have
to wait production because the
players left in such a hurry that
all Southern accents were left
behind.
Production on the gigantic pic-
ture "And Here We Are" will con-
tinue in spite of a few minor dif-
ficulties brought on by the change
of location. The picture will be
completed upon the end of Holly-
wood's journey when it reaches
day light again.
Poor Hollywood is however
without cooks as all cooks had
gone to San Francisco to a cook's
convention. We hope there are a
few of the actresses who .can
throw together a meal.
Ray
mond Fessler have a rivalry
over the hand of Llllybud
Denman. Which one Lilly-
bud? Daniel Baker is .fast becoming
Humor is sunoosed to be something funny. But when
I think of a humorist away back in a dark attic trying to ' Ra.vma Dillingham.
4-U:l -P cnmtUlnr f.inmr a Via clrturlir afaxima 4-n flaati T NeWtOn Whitehead and
LIIUIJI Ui ouiiicuiiiiiK xuiiiijr ao tic oiuny ami vco tv utHvu
am moved to tears. Most humor is pathos. Humor from
humorists arises from one of two sources genius or talent.
To one of genius jokes come as
UfMMAMMAM freely as my money goes but it is
"" n !H iaal -a a M a A rm m J?A. Jl n. ifilAMAW ...
a puimui piuueaa iwi uie inieiitcu Known as tne nome of renowned
Of L6M one who must create his own humor classical dancers. Instructors
Most humor moves me to the Preston Watson and Leo English
asinine degree where I spontaneously burst out laughing at are in charge of the classes which
the irregularieies of life. ' Closer study reveals the following are bei? held on the front lawn
rnl 'a nnnptxrnintr humor o tne Wnte House. English re-
poi.i.3 conterainK iiuHiui . cently divorced the former Miss
1. Man is funniest when he is sad. Take for 'example Darcnelle Wllllam who i8 now
a fat od man sitting on a park bench his frame shaking a mlsslonary to Afrlca This 8t
convulsively with sobs for his shoelace is untied and he is was taken in the lntereat of the
too fat to tie it and there is no one else in the park and he dancing partnership and the car-
is afraid to walk last he stumble over it and to make matters eer of both of these experts.
worse nisrht is coming on. This is surely pathetic yet does George Aiicorn has decided
it not titillate your "os ludicrous" (tickle your funny-bone) ?
2. Man is judged by the kind of humor he uses. There
are more kinds of humor than degrees on a clinical thermom-
eter. A man may laugh :
At another's misfortune at his boss's jokes at foolish
antics at his own jokes at dirty stories at his professor's
iokes. at funny stories at his wife's jokes and yet his
mother-in-law may tell a sample of each of these and he will ports that there has been no reply
not crack a smile. A motner-in-iaw IS no jOKe to mm wnicn received from any of the last
fact takes Care Of the mother-in-law joke. 9728 letters mailed to members
NOW let US go to the twin.bed joke which has been of the fairer sex of the surround-
worked on since 1913. Humorists now agree that there is Vnsie"1UOI'y'
nothing in it (the second bed I mean) .
There's the one about the Irishman. It seems there
were two Irishmen Fat and Mike and there is no need of
anyone else in all Ireland as far as humor is concerned.
If we should tell a funny story about the Jew Abie would
charge us a big commission so that's out.
I'm convinced you can't find much on a fan dancer.
We'll have to leave that off.
Merlin F. Achor.
We are awaiting anxiously news
from our own Daniel Baker Rhy-
thm Wranglers who recently set
out for Hollywood. It is not
known whether or not they have
as yet reachei the fatal city.
All letters addressed to Holly-
wood will be promptly forwarded
by attaching the letter to a large
rock and dropping the rock down.
Parade gold trimming on an
officer's sleeve. .
Flanks "You're Welcome."
Howitzer "She's fine."
Magazine First balcony in
theatre.
a
We thought
punny.
all this was very
Gene Kennedy: "I understood
every word that was said in edu-
cation class this morning."
Red Davis: "Me too but it got
harder after the roll was called."
to become a hermit. Maebelle
Fitzgerald has turned him
down for the 57th time. Evi-
dently he doesn't believe in
that old adage "If at first
you don't succeed try try
again .
First vice-president of We and
Company Inc. Lee Kunitz re-
Early one morning a rancher
was sitting on his fence looking
for rain when a neighbor rode
up and greeted him.
"MorninV
"Mornin'."
"Did y'ever 'ave an 'orse bad
with colics?"
"Yup."
"What didyer give him?"
"Ke'rosene."
"Just kerosene?"
"Yup."
That same evening the
neighbor rode by again.
"I gave my 'orse kerosene.'
said.
"Yup."
"My 'orse died."
"Mine too."
"EveninV
"EveninV'
same
he
Flash I ditto. . . . Two new
fraternities have just made
their appearance on our cam-
pus. They will be known to
students as Eta Bita Pie and
Tappa Kega leer.
Band Director Yett may be
goad at playing on his cornet but
he doesn't have perfect harmony
with his girl friend Alice Rawlings.
&t Tdog H OUSEll ififcs
I I I The month of April for fooling i II
If us so much on this fatal day. I all
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The Collegian (Brownwood, Tex.), Vol. 33, No. 23, Ed. 1, Saturday, April 1, 1939, newspaper, April 1, 1939; Brownwood, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth100206/m1/2/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Howard Payne University Library.