The Fort Worth Record and Register (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 10, No. 352, Ed. 1 Tuesday, October 2, 1906 Page: 8 of 12
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THE FIRST QUARREL
A MATTER OF LEGS
A COMPARISON.
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Say, mister, have you got a old suit for salet It would just fit me.".
USED TO EXPOSURE.
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HER LIMIT.
good cooky asked
"Is your wire
somebody of the young
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ACCOMMODATING.
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SAFE AND BRAVE.
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Gentleman on Stumpl “You touch mo, you bruto, and I’ll kill youl"
MEAN OF HER.
A CONGESTED DISTRICT.
WITH A PROVISO.
A RABBIT MOVEMENT.
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Rabbit: “j gum this is what you might call a ha re' breadth escape, eh?"
OUGHT TO BE PERFECT. •
AN INSINUATION.
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IN DOUBT.
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CANT TAKE THE MEDICINE.
•Laughter is a cure for indigestion."
“But a man can't laugh when he has
yspepsia."
recently married a Vassar graduate.
“WelL" replied the proud young hus-
band thoughtfully, “she can boil water
without burning IL"
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Cholly: “Allow me, Miso—aw—Smith, to introduce you to my fiancee."
Miss Smith: “Pleased to meet you, indeed, and does ths sams ring that he
gav. me fit you too" ______________
Visitor; “Well, Herold, what are you going to be when you grow up?"
Harold: “Oh, I'm going to be a sailor, but baby's only going to be just an
ordinary father." .
He: “Well, if you’re never going to speak to mo again, whet sr, you waitins
here fort" "
She (tearfully) t “I didn't know but what you might want to speak to ma1
25
THE BILLING LASTS.
When it comes to love affairs.
After the round of successful wooing.
Aside from ordinary cares,
The billing lasts much longer than
the cooing.
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"Fine carriage that.* -
“Which, the woman’s or the baby's F*
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POSSIBLE MOTIVE.
Maperson—Just look at Ahat ocean
greyhound go!.
Merman—Yes; I wonder if some sea
urchin hasn't tied a tin can to its tall!
man who bad
HER METHOD.
When Cheeks and chin are hid from
sight
"Neath hat and boa, still Prue's wise.,
ghe works great damage left and right
.With pretty witchery of her eyes.
Little Jones—My boy's Just leaving
school, and I'm-wondering what to do
with him. Do you think you could find
room for him in your office?
“--
BOSTON SOCIETY “MAN."
Elderly Lady—Was that your sister 1
saw you with yesterday, Johnny?
Johnny (aged six)—Do I look like a
fellow who'd waste his time on sisters?
CLEANLINESS.
“Walter, shis water is very dirty."
“I am valre sorry, but ve cannot be
expect to wash se water, zare."
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HIT HIM HARD.
ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT.
“I haven't any use for loafers.”
“Oh, they are all right in their way.”
“There’s where you are wrong. They
are always right in somebody else’s
way."
JUST LIKE DICK.
Easyman—Your brother Dick did me
out of $10 last night.
Miss Werie—That’s just like Dick.
He is always doing some ridiculous
thing.
17*
AS TO HIS FEET.
“See that man? Well, sir, he land
in thiscountry with bare feet, and now
he's got millions."
“Gee whis! He‘s worse than a cen
tiped, isn't he?”
Grace—She may be lowborn, but she
appears to be perfectly at ease in
evening dress.
George—Doubtless she is. You know,
she used to be an artist’s model.
“If practice makes perfect"- » --
-W.'ir.l. peseta mak. porfeet, he ouoh; t be • perfeet ~ i sighteonthyongagoment."
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THE WEEKLY GHIST
PROM the HVMOK MILL
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He—Pardon me, dear. I know I'm
late; but, as you see, I was detained a
couple of hours by an old friend who
had just got back to town, and I had
to tell him all I knew.
She (bitingiy)— But why should that
have kept you so long?
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The Captain: “I wish I were a fish, Miss Mungumly: I’d bite at a bait like that” . :
MissMungumly: “Oh, that's all right, captain. Do please help yourself. Th. worm. ar. In that tin box be-
hind you." . ____________________________________ - . _
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MIGHT BE CHEAPER.
Helen—So he iuted her, eh? That
must have made her feel cheap.
Grace—Not as cheap as he might
wish. She computes th. damage to
her heart at 125,000.
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Bl.wt “I killed a bear during my hunting trip
Maok . -SoY Hew far did he chase you before he dropped?"
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A NEW DISEASE—GOLF TWIST.
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He—When we are married we must
both think alike.
She—Yes, but I'll think first!
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SOCIAL GEOMETRY.
Miss Freeman— Why, I thought you
knew her! She lives in the same
square with you.
Miss Hutton—Perhaps. But she does
not move in the same circle.
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Confidence. -
Tom—Very nice
Indeed. and, be-
tween you and
me, I think she'
marry the first
man who asks her.
Dick —You don't
mean itt
Tom — Yes, and
the reason I think
so is that I'm go-
ing to be th. Arst
man.
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WHY HE RETURNED.
“Back again!” exclaimed the house-
wife. “Why, I gave you some soup
yesterday!”
• Dat s all right, lady," said the hobo.
“One good tureen deserves anoder."
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At th. Department
Store.
“What a fine
carriage your
floorwalker has!”
"Yes, he keep.
In constant prac-
llc. He and his
wife have a baby
that is cutting
teeth."
Really Serious.
“I’m blue.”
"Tha’s nothing.
Brace up and be
gay. ' Something
worse than that
ails me, and see
hew bright I am.”
‘What ails you?
"My wife la
blue.”
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The Water Cure.
Johnnie!” called
his mother, ap-
pearing at the
window with a
cake of soap and
a scrub brush.
"Goodby," said
Johnnie sorrow-
fully to his play-
mate. "I got ter
go an* take the
water cure.”
4—.
23 1
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The Fort Worth Record and Register (Fort Worth, Tex.), Vol. 10, No. 352, Ed. 1 Tuesday, October 2, 1906, newspaper, October 2, 1906; Fort Worth, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1494819/m1/8/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; .