Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 14, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, September 5, 1997 Page: 4 of 64
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Vi
Gays see parallels with Princess Di’s struggles
By Christopher Wynn
Special Contributor
The first time I saw Princess Diana in
person, she was only two feet tall and
still in her wedding dress. My grand-
mother had just unwrapped the exquis-
ite doll from the gift wrapping and tis-
sue paper, and upon digesting who it
was, immediately burst into tears. My
mother joined in the open weeping. I, of
course, in an unconscious act of perpet-
uating gay stereotypes, soon joined
them both in the wet, gushy celebra-
tion.
My grandmother loved that doll. It
was incredibly realistic, from the
smooth, ivory complexion to the tiny
diamond-encrusted earrings that were
visible only if you tucked the genuine
human hair behind her ears.
Everything was represented in scale.
You remember seeing the wedding
gown's glorious train? (Admit it,
of course you were watching.) We
joked that if you fully unfolded it
in Texas, you would have to
smooth out the end in Oklahoma.
My family early on had been
converted to hard-core Lady Di
watchers.,I remember my mother
setting her alarm to get up at
something like 3 a.m. to see the
wedding. The rest of us were sub-
jected to hours of it on replay on
the VCR the next day. No matter
how many times my mother
watched it, I would see her sitting
there misty-eyed, completely
engulfed, clutching her pink
Kleenex so tightly not even a crane
could tear it loose.
Diana and her escapades soon
became a regular subject in our
household. The topics ranged
from I just don't think she's happy,
could you live with somebody like
Charles? to Only Diana could man-
age to look good in green taffeta and a
tiara. Over the years, it got to me. I
found myself becoming more and
more interested in Diana's strug-
gles — as well as wondering just what
did she decide on to wear to that presi-
dential gala?
I actually managed to lose track of
Diana somewhat during my college
years. I know that letting schoolbooks
and studies get in the way of every-
one's favorite princess may seem like
sacrilege to some, but I was attempting
a life of my own. It was not until later,
as an adult who was joining the work-
force and struggling with the task of
coming out, that I had a renewed inter-
est in Diana. I found Lady Di to be
somehow familiar, as if calling up a
friend I hadn't seen in a while. She was,
for all practical purposes, an old friend
of the family.
I began to see Di's struggles for hap-
piness, love and the freedom to be her-
self as parallel to my own. It's a true
parallel, I believe, for the entire gay
community. We begin our lives much
like Diana, with the idea that we will
strive for something beautiful that we
can celebrate and the world will accept.
We want to follow the rules, get mar-
ried, have children. Then one day we
wake up and realize that the rules don't
work for us.
The rules never worked for Diana,
either. Di's marriage to Charles became
a lie. She was not totally sure yet of who
she was as an individual, but she knew
that what she had become was a shell
—- a fabrication of happiness that met
everyone's expectation of the ideal
except her own. Her life echoed the gay
experience in terms of the pressure she
felt to please and conform. Two great
things did come out of Di's marriage to
Charles, however — her children. How
many times have we heard the same
sentiment from gay people who come
out of a 20-year marriage that was a lie,
to announce that the really blessed
things they received from it were their
children?
We applauded Diana's courage
when she found the strength to break
the glass house and go out on her own.
What a feeling of liberation! And what
a feeling of liberation for gay people
who finally give up their own lie and
begin a new life. We all watched, seeing
ourselves in her every awkward step.
Diana had to start at the beginning.
Who was she? What was her role in the
world? What would truly make her
happy? The parallels, for us, are rich.
Diana, seemingly lost and out of control
on the inside, began to focus on control-
ling what she could — the outside. She
began to work out obsessively. Her new
body was shapely and tanned to a gold-
en brown. What did her inside look like?
Gone was the dowdy clothing of the
monarchy, and in its place was the fit-
ted and revealing couture of high fash-
ion. She was reinventing herself, but
sadly, to what gain?
Like Diana, many gay men will
spend hours in the gym perfecting a
physique guaranteed for results and
still wonder why happiness and fulfill-
ment are so elusive. Our community
identified with Di even more because
she was human. She was an over-
achiever who never quite1 measured up
to standards set deep inside from the
world around her. A struggle with
bulimia and depression, combined with
materialism expressed through outra-
geous shopping sprees, soon followed.
Sound familiar? The symptoms
run deep within our community.
With Princess Diana's every
step we saw ourselves, and we
looked at her as inspiration as we
faced similar failures and victories
in our own lives. The fact that
every step of her journey was a
perfect snapshot of grace, style
and high couture gave Diana
instant icon status among the gay
community. A sense of kindred
spirits and fantasy became one to
create a gripping hold over us.
We are angry as much as sad-
dened by Diana's unexpected and
unnecessary death. She had in
recent years settled into a skin that
was mature, confident and
focused. She was optimistic about
her humanitarian work and the
future. She was beginning to feel
the pangs of love, love that is reci-
procated. Life, for her, made sense
for the first time. She was finally
getting it right.
Why now? we are asking our-
selves. We feel as if we have been
cheering in a stadium where the
players have suddenly vanished during
the winning play. The glamorous mir-
ror of our internal journeys has been
shattered and there seems to be no
replacement coming soon.
My, grandmother died several years
ago and gave my mother the cherished
doll of Princess Diana. Mother eventu-
ally bought a display case and it now
resides in the front sitting room. My sis-
ter and I were discussing that doll with
our mother on a three-way line
Saturday night. We were all connected
as we watched the grim coverage of the
car wreck in Paris. In the background I
could hear my typically American
father commenting that the doll will
probably triple in value now.
But you can't put a price on what our
memories of Diana are worth. T
Princess Diana, 1961-1997 ... Her life echoed the
gay experience in terms of the pressure she felt
to please and conform.
4
SEPTEMBER 5, 1997 DALLAS VOICE
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Vercher, Dennis. Dallas Voice (Dallas, Tex.), Vol. 14, No. 19, Ed. 1 Friday, September 5, 1997, newspaper, September 5, 1997; Dallas, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth616419/m1/4/: accessed August 15, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting UNT Libraries Special Collections.