Honey Grove Signal (Honey Grove, Tex.), Vol. 33, No. 1, Ed. 1 Friday, February 2, 1923 Page: 6 of 12
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n
111
cigarettes
TURKISH
VIRGINIA
BURLEY
15
for
10
❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ *> ^ ^ ^
*
THE THINGS THAT
❖
❖
ANNOY.
❖
♦
•
❖
By Joe Sappington
*
*♦>***♦>*** +x+ * +> * ♦> ++♦ *
SllllllllllltlllMllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllinilllllllllllllllllllHIIIII^
This world is full of little
things that annoy and irritate
nervous people. I’ll confess that
I am easily irritated and have
been that way all my
Right at this moment, while
am trying to write this story ‘
can scarcely resist the temV1"
tion of bounding over the ^1(le
and killing our neighbor’s ’ost~
er for his loud and perstent
crowing.
Were I a membe1 °.
Legislature, now in ^sion j
Austin, the very fiJf ..thing I
would do after ,^e
speaker’s eye wou! in\r0“
and am ind
not observe
/ sorry this rule is
%y all movie fans.
Vst thrilling picture,
As the Government Does
Things. uuw xuiwwiir. _—
There are a few people who adequate penalty. to-wit:
would like to see the govern-
ment run everything—railroads,
express companies, telegraphs
and telephones. Most of the
government ownership senti-
ment was killed when the gov-
ernment tried its hand on the
railroads during the war, but if
you have a leaning toward gov-
ernment ownership read the fol-
lowing. It ought to cure you:
A couch in the office of a
United States district attorney
in a Middle West city was dam-,------- — - -------- —-—- —
aged, The attorney notified th^ne to toot a horn or practice on
custodian of the building, wH a piano in the residential dis-
fnll nf ^'tling situations and I
had bpr e intensely interested
in the ro an(* ^eroine when a
couni of gum-chewing girls
"fin and took seats imme-
jw^y behind me. “I hate to
™a picture after it’s started,”
one of the Wigley fiends,
life. Suppose we just sit here and
-talk until it starts again.” I
stood what they had to say
about George and Walter as long
as I could without creating a
scene, and moved across the
aisle from them. But it didn’t
help matters any, for just be-
hind me sat three females, one
of whom had seen the picture
just the day before and felt that
it was incumbent on her to in-
form her companions just how
duce the followin bearing matters were to end. I could
- "”'4’ * hardly resist the temptation of
turning in my seat and saying
to her in the most withering
First, a bill jakingr it a mis-
demeanor to r^ al°U(l the sub-
heads while * Picture is being
run. Second to make it an of-
fense with a jui* sentence for
any one 0 explain the picture
and tell /jst what was going to
happen the. next scene.
Third,x bill to protect suffering
humanity from tiresome bores
who Persist to remember dates
an(?names in their boresome ole
st<ries that could interest no
pman on earth. Fourth, to
ake it a finable offense for
building,
was a collector of internal _
enue. He notified the Treasf y,
who notified the supervsing
architect in Washington who
ordered the custodian t</adver-
tise for bids.
The advertising cost $39.50.
The bids were forwarded to
Washington, an avard made,
the contract signed and the
work was done, fhe cost of re-
pairing the couch was $3.94.
An inspector was sent to in-
spect the job. He didn’t like it.
He got in a row with the con-
tractor. The chief inspector had
to come out. He approved the
job. Nine months later the con-
tractor received Uncle Sam’s
check for $3.94.
It took the government nearly
a year and cost at least $500 to
spend $3.94 to repair the United
State’s district attorney’s chair.
Notice to Farmers.
I write farm insurance in old
reliable companies, on live stock,
feed stuff, buildings, in fact can
give a policy on nearly anything
on the farm. Office in Will-
son’s Cash Grocery store.
51-3t* T. H. Gross.
666 quickly relieves a cold,
tricts of an incorporated town
after 9 p. m. Fifth, a law mak-
ing it a felony for an oil mill or
railway locomotive to blow their
whistles for a longer period than
five seconds at a tirqe. Sixth,
making it an offense against the
peace and dignity of the com
l.iunity for any one to drive i
car down any street or thor-
oughfare with the muffler open.
No telling how many bills I
would introduce, once I got fair-
ly started. Speaking of annoy-
noyances, brings to mind a re-
cent experience I had while at-
tending the movies. I always
make it a point to be on time to
see the beginning of a picture
^To Stop a Cough Quick
take"* HAYES’ HEALING HONEY, „
cough medicine which stops the cough by
healing the inflamed and irritated tissues.
A box of GROVE’S O-PEN-TRATE
SALVE for Chest Colds, Head Colds and
Croup is enclosed with every bottle of
HAYES’ HEALING HONEY. The salve
should be rubbed on the chest and throat
of children suffering from a Cold or Croup.
. The healing effect of Hayes’ Healing Honey in-
side the throat combined with the healing effect of
Grove’s O-Pen-Trate Salve through the pores of
the skin soon stops a cough.
BoUi remedies are packed in one carton and the
cost of the combined treatment is 35c. «
Just ask your druggist for HAYES’
HEALING HONEY.
Our facilities for handling your business
are the best. We will extend accommoda-
tions to customers based on the responsibil-
ity and deposits given us. We invite your
account whether large or small.
State National Bank
Of Honey Q-rove
JONES & BRUMIT
FURNITURE AND UNDERTAKING.
Complete line of aU Furniture and Furnishings for
every home.
Jones & Brumit
South Side ef Square
Honey Grove, Texas
A STING prosperity and sate oankmg
^ grow in the same soil. The liberal
policy of The Planters National Bank for
fair dealing and home development has
raised a big crop of local prosperity. Oar
depositors and friends know and appreciate
tins. Join your friends in giying them
your business.
R. J. Thomas, President
J. C. McKinney, Cashier
F. E. Wood, Asst. Cashier
tones I could command: “Mad-
am, I have paid 35 cents in good
hard money to see this picture
with all its thrills and mysteries
and loves and hates and climaxes
and if it is not asking too much
of you would take it as a per-
sonal favor if you would keep
your mouth tightly closed and
let those who are paid to act
their parts tell it in their own
simple ways.” But I did’t have
the courage, and moved to a dis-
tant part of the house, hoping
to find surcease from the annoy-
ances that beset me. But alas,
it was like jumping out of the
frying pan into the fire, for I
had taken a seat in front of a
woman with a baby that seemed
to think I had come to let it play
with my bald head. “Don’t hit
the gentleman’s head, darling,”
said the fond mother, just as
the heroine had consented to
marry the villain to keep her
father from going to prison.
“That’s all right, lady, the baby
can’t hurt my head,” I remarked
as sweetly as I could as I was
deeply absorbed in what Was
taking place on the screen, and
the dear mother took me at my
word and let the baby “wrestle”
with my think organ till the
word END appeared upon the
canvass.
Just before the fatal words
pronouncing the villain and
heroine man and wife, the hero
rushes upon the scene and gives
said villain a wallop on the jaw
that left him a shattered wreck
upon the floor, after which the
heroine flies to the arms of her
lover and everything comes cut
all right for all concerned, and
the lady pulls her offspring
away from my head which sti1!
bears the imprint of four small
teeth, to say nothing of the
chawing” it did on my left ear.
I once lived next door to a
fellow who slept during the day
and tooted a horn at night. The
poor cuss never realized the aw-
ful things that went through my
minds on those nights as I lay
upon my tortured bed, forced to
listen to his dern tooting. I
killed him no telling how many
times—in my mind—and always
in the most atrocious way. M
favorite manner of murdering
him was to call him to the door
and shoot his carcass full of
holes and then stand over him
and batter his head in with his
own horn.
Should I ever be accepted on a
jury to try some fellow for
shooting a right of way through
a picture show on account of
ot of idiots disturbing him in
their silly gabble, I’m going to
do all I can to clear him or make
it a small fine. Also should I
ever set on a jury where the
prisoner was charged with
shooting some cock-eyed old bore
for attempting to tell something
that _ took place just after the
Spanish - American war and
thought it necessary to remem-
ber dates and names that he had
forgotten but did his dernest to
remember, I’ll stay with that
jury till I starve to death or
clear him. To the fellow who
would boldly march into the
room at the hour of midnight
and batter the horn over the
head of the fellow who was toot-
ing it and keeping the entire
neighborhood awake when the/
were supposed to be asleep, he
has my profound sympathy and
friendship.
♦ RHYMES. *
❖ - ❖
❖ By the World’s Greatest Rhyme- *
❖ ster—WaA Mason *
❖ * * ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ <♦
The Rain.
When first the rain began to
pour, refreshing dale and dell, I
stood and watched it from my
door, and blessed it as it fell;
there’d been no rain for weary
weeks, no swollen cloud devel-
oped leaks ; drouth-stricken men
had sent up shrieks for quite a
little spell. It rained all day by
starts and fits, it made the land
scape wet; it made the greatest
of all hits, it was the one best
bet; but when again the morn-
ing broke, and rain was falling
as I woke, I said, “This thing’s
beyond a joke;” it made me
fume and fret. Next day the
rain was falling still, as though
to earn its pay, and torrents
rolled adown the hill and washed
my fence away; frogs chanted in
the dripping dawn and ducks
were swimming on the lawn and
alligators and their spawn ar-
rived, as though to stay. “This
thing,” I said, “I can not bear;
it breaks this heart of mine; ...
written protest I’ll prepare, and
ask my friends to sign, we’ll let
the weather makers know they
can’t abuse their patrons so;
they’ll make the water cease its
flow, and send us something
fine.” The rain still fell, sti’
getting worse; I grumbled and
by-hecked; if only this old uni-
verse were run as I’d direct!
I’m not consulted as to rain, or
snow or drouth or hurricane; *
make my protests all in vain, so
what can we expect?
Habitual Constipation Cured
in 14 to 21 Days
“LAX-FOS WITH PEPSIN’’ is a specially-
prepared Syrup Tonic-Laxative for Habitual
Constipation. It relieves promptly but
should be taken regularly for 14 to 21 days
to induce regular action. It Stimulates and
Regulates. Very Pleasant to Take, it 60c
per bottle.
The Cautious Driver,
It is not pleasant being spilled
upon the public way; I hate the
thought of being killed by some
ill-driven dray; and so with
watchfulness and zeal, both
hands upon the steering wheel,
I drive my panting chugmobile,
and hear the pistons play. The
man who’s coming may be wise,
with caution he may ehoo; or he
may rank with reckless guys
who split the road in two; I
know him not—I take no chance,
but give him room as I advance
in princely pomp and c:rcum
stance, with “Safety First” in
view._ There are a million ;rules
to mind, and one must mind
them all, or some fine morning'
he will find his costly bier anc
pall ; and undertakers will
abound upon his little plot of
ground, and coroners will hang
around his parlor and his hall.
There are a million useful rules
by_ safety sharps bestowed, to
guide the delegate who tools his
bus along the road; and if one
lule is overlooked the goose of
some one will be cooked, and by
the heirs I will be booked to
write a graveyard ode. I always
keep the road in sight wheW
drive forth at morn: I look to
left, I look to right, I yell and
sound my horn; I signal with
my snow white hand, my curves
are wonderful and grand; if anv
says rules should be canned,
view that gent with scorn.
Industry Pays.
By industry we thrive; so let
us look alive, and work six days
a week; we should be cutting
grass, the golden moments pass
they’re going ilke a streak. ]
used to bask and dream of mu-
sic and ice cream, of islands far
away; I dreamed of idle things,
of cabbages and kings, while
neighbors put up hay. No
wolves were at their doors, and
at the village stores their credit
stacked up high, while I must
dig the price of prunes or shred-
ded rice or anything I’d buy.
Collectors ' eagle-eyed were ever
at my side, with bills that long
were due; the merchants whom
I owed pursued me up the road,
a fierce, excited crew. And then
saw at last the errors of my
past; I girded up my loins and
said “I’ll dream no more, but do
the useful chore, and earn
twelve brands of coins.” From
dreams that wasted time, from
sloth that was a crime, I rose, a
figure grand; I shooed old
;hings away, and now, through-
out the day, you see me pound-
ing sand. I have a tranquil
mind, and when I look behind I
have no craven fear that con-
stables with writs and bailiffs
Growing fits are swiftly draw-
ing near. I work and pay my
bills, and when I climb the hills
no creditors pursue; but every
merchant prince looks sweetly
on me since I took up methods
new.
Horse collars sold under a
guarantee not to hurt at W. T.
Clark's Harness Shop.
They say you will get the best
radiator work in North Texas at
Hudson’s Shop. Sixth Street.
For Real Economy
ill the Kitchen Use
CALUMET
The Economy BAKING POWISER
A Big Time and Money Saver
When you bake
with Calumet you
know there will be
no loss or failures.
That's why it is far
less expensive than
some other brands
selling for less.
The sale of Calumet is
over 150% greater
than that of any other
brand.
Don’t be led into taking Quantity tor Quality
Calumet has proven to be best by test in millions of
homes every bake-day. Largest selling brand in the
world. Contains only such ingredients as have been
officially approved by U. S. Pure Food Authorities..
■ ii . ■ ... m .1,.. i , i . i,
fflE WORLD’S GREATEST BAKING POWDER
mst
I CONTENTS tlfc \
BEST BY TEST
Dr. O. P. Neilson
DENTIST
Office—Second Floor First
National Bank Building
France’s Heavy Artillery.
The French have developed a
cannon with a range of sixty
miles, so far as is known the
longest range possessed by any
gun that was ever built. Had
this gun been in the possession
of the Frence during the maren
on Paris by the Germans, the
capital would have felt much
safer.
France can not be blamed for ____ ________,0_ ______ __ ___
working to extend the range of signed by Dr. Smith, and it is
Runaway Girls Caught at
Bonham.
Two girls giving their names
as Oriole Powers and Tricole
Jones, about 14 years old, were
found by Assistant Chief of Po-
lice Elam at Mrs. Dunn’s hotel
today after a message had been
received from the matron of the
Gainesville Girls’ Reformatory
School advising officers here to
look out for them. They said
they had walked from Gaines-
ville to Sherman, taking an auto-
mobile from Sherman here. It
seems they were hunrgy and
had gone into Mrs. Dunn’s place
for something to eat. They
were also tired.
The message sent here was
her guns and being reasonably said the doctor is a woman and
prepared to defend herself. Bur
the friends of France through-
out the world are growing more
and more fearful that French
leadership is putting too much
dependence upon the range of
the guns, and too little upon the
moral sentiment of the world.
Germany had the biggest
guns, the most troops and the
greatest military preparation ol
any of the world powers in 1914.
But in 1918 the military ma-
chine was a wreck, the empire a
memory and the people at the
mercy of conquerors, primarily
3ecause they neglected to con-
sult the moral opinion of the
civilized world on a method of
expansion of Germany.—Ex.
To Cure a Cold In One Day
Take LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE (Tablets.) It
stops the Cough and Headache and works off the
Gold. E. W. GROVE’S signature on each box. 30c.
is matron of the institution.
The instructions were to hold
the girls in jail until authorities
there came for them. The twe
girls are now in jail and some
one will arrive from Gainesville
today or tomorrow and return
with them.—Bonham Favorite.
LITTLE GIRL’S PRAYER.
I wish there was a wireless to heaven
And I could speak to mama every day.
I would let her know by the radio
I’m so lonesome since she went away.
I wish that I could only send a mes-
sage,
And hear my mama answer me and
say,
“Hush-a-bye, darling. Dry your
tears; don’t cry.
Mama dear is watching baby from the
_ sky.”
I wish there was a wireless to heaven
Then mama would not seem so far
away. —Ex.
666 cures Malarial Fever.
The guaranteed kind of radi-
ator rebuilding and recoring at
Hudson’s Shop. South Sixth
Street.
Dallas Hunchbacks Tired Being
Taken for Bootleggers.
Four Dallas hunchbacks ap-
pealed to the federal authorities:
for protection against “hootch
sleuths,” as a result of a new
innovation booze hustlers have
inaugurated at Dallas.
The hunchbacks declare they
are being jabbed in the bump
with hatpins b y prohibition
agents and that they are afraid
to go upon the streets. Booze
sleuths discovered a “hunen-
back” who _ was peddling liquor
by the drink on the streets.
They noticed the “bump” on hfs.
back varied in size from time to
time. One of them sneaked up
behind the “hunchback” and
jabbed a hatpin into the bump
and corn liquor began to pour
out. Since then “hootch hus-
tlers” are said to be jabbing the
humps on the backs of every
hunchback they find on tue
streets.
GRAND, PARIS C
MONDAY, FEB.... 0
JOS._ M, GAITES’ ORIGINAL PRODUCTION
DP IN THE CLOUDS
THE BIGGEST EXTRAVAGANZA EVER ON
TOUR IN THE UNITED STATES
THE THEATRE MANAGEMENT GUARANTEES
THIS ATTRACTION to be not only one of the most
1 meritorious but by far THE MOST PRETENTIOUS
that has ever been booked in this section. It prom-
ises to be a treat that comes only once in a decade.
THIS IS POSITIVELY the New York, Chicago,
Number One and ONLY company presenting this
successful musical spectacle.
MAIL ORDERS WHEN ACCOMPANIED BY RE-
MITTANCE IN FULL AND INCLUDING TAX
AND SELF ADDRESSED ENVELOPE WILL BE
FILLED IN ROTATION.
PRICES: 75c TO $2.50—PLUS TAX
re:
19:
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Lowry, J. H. Honey Grove Signal (Honey Grove, Tex.), Vol. 33, No. 1, Ed. 1 Friday, February 2, 1923, newspaper, February 2, 1923; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth621262/m1/6/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Honey Grove Preservation League.