The Texan (Bellaire, Tex.), Vol. 30, No. 20, Ed. 1 Wednesday, January 16, 1985 Page: 8 of 16
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8
THE TEXAN NEWSPAPER
JANUARY 16.1985
The
Tall
Texan
By Wes Seeliger
Gay Problem
Happy Solution
Texan
660-7112
Houston has a gay
problem. Simply stated:
how can heterosexuals
indentify and avoid
homosexuals who are
out of Montrose?
One proposed solution
is to ban gays from city
employment. Not bad.
But it has three draw-
backs. First, it’s harsh.
It's not nice to deprive
someone of a paycheck.
Second, it would swell
our welfare rolls and in
effect, be a STRAIGHT
TAX. Lord knows,
heterosexuals are taxed
enough as it is. Third,
it's probably unconsti-
tutional. Can’t you hear
the Donald Duck fit
they’d pitch down at
ACLU headquarters?
Besides, if it’s unconsti-
tutional it’s un-Ameri-
can and we don’t need
anymore of that.
Here's my happy
solution. Everybody will
love it...gays, Chamber
of Commerce, liberals,
good ol’ boys, intellec-
tuals, Anita Bryant.
Allied Mercantile Bank
and Uncle Sam
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Allied Mercantile Bank
4010 S. Braeswood at Stella Link / 667-9231
Member, Allied Bancshares, Inc
Member F D I C
The solution is to pass
an ordinance requiring
homosexuals to wear a
pink triangle patch when
out of Montrose, it’s
perfect.
First, it’s practical
and simple. The city can
provide patches with
Velcro backing. One
patch will do for an
entire wardrobe. And
we won’t have to stuff
our overcrowded prisons
with violators. The
penalty for those caught
out of Montrose without
a gay patch will be
simple. One hour of
listening to a Jerry
Falwell - Anita Bryant
recording. That should
do it!
Second, and most
important, my solution
will be enthusiastically
accepted by all.
Those spooked by
homosexuals will ap-
prove. It will enable
them to easily spot and
avoid close contact with
gays. And they can warn
their children to be on
guard around Pink Patch
People. I’m like Anne
Frank. I believe every-
body is basically good at
heart. Nobody wants to
give gays a bad time.
They simply want to
avoid threats to their
health, morality and way
of life. The pink patch
should do it.
And the gays will do
somersaults down
Westheimcr when my
plan is adopted. They’ll
no longer have to sweat
unemployment. Better
still, it will increase their
visibility. Why settle for
a Gay Pride Parade once
a year? Here’s a chance
to shout to the world
each day, “I’m me, I’m
proud. I’m gay!” But
there’s more. Gays need
a way of identifying each
other when un-Mont-
rosed. My pink patch
will eliminate guessing
and embarrassment, not
to mention many a black
eye.
So, there’s my happy
solution tc the gay profc
lem. “But,” you say.
“my pink patch idea
isn't original. true! It
came to me on my
vacation in Germany.
But give me a break.
Originality isn’t every-
thing.
Wes Seeliger Is an
Assistant Minister at St.
Paul’s United Methodist
Church, 5501 S. Main in
Houston. He is the
author of “Western
Theology” and “One
Inch from the Fence”.
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Herrera, Nick. The Texan (Bellaire, Tex.), Vol. 30, No. 20, Ed. 1 Wednesday, January 16, 1985, newspaper, January 16, 1985; Bellaire, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth638317/m1/8/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Bellaire Friends Library & Historical Society.