Hondo Anvil Herald (Hondo, Tex.), Vol. 113, No. 36, Ed. 1 Thursday, September 9, 1999 Page: 16 of 42
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Will Indonesia be
the next Kosovo?
CparCa
Bfrom the
^%nvil
|By Bill Berger
Now that we
have solved the
problems in Soma-
lia. Haiti, Bosnia
and Kosovo, peace
is coming apart in
the Indonesian part
of the world known
as East Timor.
They had an elec-
tion recently, and voted for indepen-
dence instead of remaining under
Indonesian rule. It is not clear ex-
actly how much religion has to do
with it, but from what I can tell, the
folks who wanted independence are
mainly Christian, and those who
object are mainly Moslem. It seems
that the Moslems have all the guns,
and have been decapitating folks
and putting their heads on stakes.
We seem to have solved the prob-
lems in Kosovo. The Serbs, who
claim to be Christians, were killing
Kosovars who generally claim to be
Moslem. We bombed the Serbs
(Christians) until they promised to
quit, moved a few thousand of the
Kosovars (Moslems) over to the
United States and put them on wel-
fare, and encouraged others to go
to wherever they could find a home.
Some went back to Kosovo after the
bombing stopped, and then it was
the Serbs who were being killed by
the Kosovars.
But our nation has quit talking
about it, no longer can you find any
mention on the nightly television,
and we have declared victory.
Let’s hope we aren’t about to start
solving problems for the Timorians
Those people fight ugly.
Some politicians have been put-
ting out feelers about starting up
the draft again. It seems that young
people are reluctant to join the Army
and don’t care much about the slo-
gan, “Be All That You Can Be.”
Others say they need to change
the slogan. I doubt if that will help
much, so long as we keep on pay-
ing soldiers so little that their fami-
lies qualify for food stamps, and
send them all over the world on a
moment’s notice when our politi-
cians decide there is a problem for
us to solve.
It might even help the enlistment
rate if we decided to get involved
only in wars that affect the United
States of America.
###
Not vci y often do you get to write
a date the way this publication is
headed
If you use all numbers, it is 9/9/
99 it reminds me that there isn’t a
whole lot of time left for this millen-
nium
Recycled news
from 50 years ago
Miss Wanda Van Reel and Joe
Dubray were married in Holy Cross
Church on Sept. 2.
Jaycee President Pete Knowles
reported that 46 books had been do-
nated for the proposed Hondo library.
Mrs. Edna McDade of San Antonio
sent 22 books, and Mrs. Olin Will-
iams of Hondo gave 16.
The Hondo Owls were to open the
football season against Sabina).
Hondo public schools opened with
494 students registered, and
Castroville’s St. Louis school had
over 200. largest in history. Yancey-
Moore consolidated school opened
with a large crowd present for the
newly consolidated districts.
Help Wanted: Girl wanted to do
housework in San Antonio, and occa-
sionally at the ranch near Hondo. Girl
can visit family in Hondo after help-
ing clean up ranch house. Wage to be
$ 12 week, plus room and board. (Won-
der how many applications they had?)
Raising awareness of breast cancer
Last a The National In-
woman was diag- \AIpp1c1^J st',ute °f Health
nosed with breast rVCC/Uy H has reported that
cancer every three TZpYlOYt m* rfSP iB women at high
minutes. One out p risk for develop-
of every nine ing breast cancer
women in Texas can drastically
will be diagnosed ^reduce their
with breast cancer HBByCongnssnian Henry Bonilh chances of get-
in her lifetime. ting the disease
More than 180,000 women are diag- by taking the relatively new drug
nosed with breast cancer each year
and more than 44,000 will die from
the disease. With those kinds of sta-
tistics it’s very possible this horrible
disease will strike someone you love
or care about.
Finding cures for deadly diseases
is such a national priority that Con-
gress increased this year’s funding
level for biomedical research by
more than 15 percent Investing in
biomedical research is wise. It saves
American lives and tax dollars.
That's why the Appropriations Com-
mittee, on which I tit, continues to
support strong funding for key re-
search activities at the National In-
stitutes of Health and the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention.
And we’ve been making
progress. Scientists are making ex-
citing strides in breast cancer re-
search. Genes responsible for inher-
itable breast cancer have been iden-
tified and isolated. Scientists are de-
veloping a better understanding of
the cancer cell itself.
The number of women dying
each year from breast cancer is ac-
tually declining. According to ex-
perts, this is a direct result of an in-
crease in early detection and treat-
ment.
And there’s even more good news.
tamoxifen.
High risk women who took
tamoxifen were 45 percent less likely
to develop breast cancer. The drug
does have some drawbacks, but re-
searchers say that the rewards out-
weigh the risks in many cases.
We are building an arsenal of the
weapons and armor we need to fight
this deadly disease. There is still a
lot we don't know about breast can-
cer. But what we do know is that
early detection and treatment is es-
sential to winning the war against
this terrible disease.
Breast cancer is not just a war to
be fought by the families directly af-
fected by it. It is every American's
war to win. Each year breast cancer
costs this country $6 billion in medi-
cal costs and lost productivity. When
it comes to this disease, no one can
afford to take a “that won’t happen
to me” attitude.
While medical researchers are
making incredible strides every day
in the war against breast cancer and
other diseases, the fight is far from
over. Through education, early de-
tection and treatment, research and
sheer tenacity, we can work together
to help the millions of women and
their families whose lives are threat-
ened by breast cancer.
He’s short, but he’ll stand on his platform
The U.S. presidential election is a
scant 14 months away, and you can
feel the excitement building across
the nation, all the way from Wash-
ington, D.C., to the immediate sub-
urbs of Washington, D.C.
For the benefit of those of you
normal civilian humans who live
outside of Wingtip World and do not
plan to start caring about this elec-
tion for at least another year, here’s
a rundown of recent developments:
On the Republican side, the big
summer news event was the Iowa
“Straw Poll,” which gets its name
from the fact that anybody who takes
it seriously has the IQ of a hay bale.
Nevertheless, the news media made
a big deal about it, and the leading
GOP contenders spent much of the
summer tromping around Iowa
feigning interest in pigs.
This effort paid off big for George
W. “W.” Bush, who won the Iowa
Straw Poll with three votes, which
cost him $14.3 million apiece. He
was followed by Steve Forbes,
Elizabeth Dole, Ricky Martin and
Ulysses S. Grant, all of whom re-
ceived votes, which were cast by
Mrs. Earline A. Plankton, an older
Iowan whose memory is not what it
once was. Dan Quayle did not re-
ceive any votes but he did develop
a strong rapport with a prominent
Iowa Labrador retriever named Rex.
After the Straw Poll, Lamar
Alexander dropped out of the race,
in response to polls showing that
nobody, including his immediate
family, was aware that he was run-
ning. And speaking of people who
have the same mathematical chance
of getting elected president as
Shamu the Whale: Sen. Orrin Hatch
has entered the GOP race, appar-
ently unaware of the constitutional
requirement that the president must
legally have originated on the planet
Earth.
But for now, George “W.” Bush is
the Republican front runner, which
makes sense, because he combines
the two essential qualities that the
American political system demands
of any candidate who hopes to be
elected to the most important job in
the world:
1. Height.
2. Money.
You need height to prove that you
have Leadership; you need money
to communicate your views to the
voters by means of TV commercials
that have the subtlety of a
“Teletubbies” episode, but less in-
tellectual content. These commer-
cials are very expensive to produce,
so candidates with limited budgets
sometimes buy used ones from ear-
lier campaigns (“Liddy Dole: She
has a plan to get us out of Viet-
nam.”).
Meanwhile, on the Democratic
side, it’s a close two-man race, with
Vice President Al Gore leading on
money, and Bill Bradley currently
ahead on height. So far, both of
these savvy political veterans have
managed to avoid committing any
strategic blunders, such as making
any statement that anybody would
remember 30 seconds later.
In case you were wondering, I, too,
am still running for president. My
current platform is that if I am
elected, I will invest the entire fed-
eral budget surplus — currently es-
timated at $3 trillion — in my inau-
guration party. You may argue that
this is not a good way to provide for
the nation’s future, but trust me, if
you attend my party, you won’t
CARE about the nation’s future.
Also, as president, I will make it
my highest priority to track down
and punish whoever is responsible
for putting Mr. Whipple back on the
air — I have seen him TWICE now
— in commercials for Charmin
brand bathroom tissue. Like most
Americans, I had thought that Mr.
Whipple had been locked away for-
ever, like Charles Manson, and sud-
denly he’s BACK. If we let the ad-
vertising people get away with this,
it’s only a matter of time before they
bring back “Ring around the collar.”
I pledge to you that, as your presi-
dent, I will use whatever means are
necessary to prevent this, including
a nuclear strike against Procter &
Gamble headquarters.
For the record, I am also still run-
ning for the U.S. Senate seat from
New York State. I am even willing
to buy a house in New York if
wealthy contributors pay for it and
I don’t actually have to live in it. I
care so much about New York that,
right now, I am going to conduct a
“listening tour.” I want you New
York readers to hold this column up
in front of your mouth and express
your concerns to the area in paren-
theses below in a loud and clear
voice, while I listen in a sincere
manner. OK? Go ahead!
(EXPRESS YOUR CON-
CERNS HERE)
OK! Thank you! Really!
Thanks! OK! SHUT UP NOW.
Whew! You New Yorkers really
have a lot of concerns! Some of you
should be more concerned about oral
hygiene, if you catch my drift! But I
definitely agree with you about ev-
erything.
So anyway, I hope that everybody
votes for me for every available of-
fice. I may not be the tallest candi-
date, and 1 may not have the most
money, and I may have done some
bad things in my life, but I can tell
you, in all honesty and frankness,
that these things were not my fault.
As a child, I was traumatized by the
conflict between Bill Clinton’s
mother and grandmother. In clos-
ing, I want to make the following
appeal to you undecided voters out
there: Here boy! C’mon, Rex!
Dave Barry is a humor columnist for
the Miami Herald. Write to him do
Tropic Magazine, The Miami Herald,
One Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33131
O 1999 7%« Miami Herald, Dtstrib-
nted by Mut Media Services
Are you inviting burglars
into your home?
Now that school has really started
and the holiday is over, it is a good
time to consider working on your
home’s security. This is prime time
for burglars to return to our residen-
tial areas. When the kids and the
schoolteachers start back, we have
a lot of homes that are empty part
of the day. The good news is that
we have a fair share of retired
people living in our neighborhoods
who can help keep an eye out for
burglars. We need to do more. How
long has it been since you walked
out to the street and looked at your
home as a burglar would? Does he
(or she) see bushes grown up around
windows? Does the burglar see a
garage door left partially open for
the cat’s convenience? Does the
window have a great view of your
new stereo and big screen TV? Or
worse yet, do you have your guns
displayed in a flimsy cabinet in sight
of a window? Think about how
your home would appear tq a bur-
glar. Burglars drive around decid-
ing where to break into and you may
be leaving them an open invittlioo.
Check Rat night
While you are deciding how to
burglar-proof your home you need
tn check the <wt«i4e after dark and
see how it looks. Are streetlights
blocked from your porch by trees?
Do you have security lights that
come on automatically as someone
walks up? Do the shrubs throw shad-
ows across low windows that are
likely to be a favorite target? Do you
have bulbs missing or burned out
from existing fixtures? Use common
sense when you are trying to secure
your home. You can’t turn your
home into a fort, but you can make
it harder to break into and that tar-
get hardening can save your family
a lot of problems. The first step is
to work on the locks. They need to
be of good quality with at least a 1/4
inch deadbolt. Double cylinder
deadbolts ate better, but with small
kids or easily confused elderly
people, it may be safer to use those
locks keyed on only one side. Locks
need to be kept in good working or-
der and they need to be used. Many
of you think it will never happen
here, thus you don’t even use the
existing locks and that can have
tragic results.
Windows are Important
Windows are made to let light and
air in a house, not burglars and
thieves. But they have the same ef-
fect when they aren’t secured prop-
erly. Most windows have poorly de-
signed locks that can easily be de-
feated. Auxiliary locks are cheap
and effective. If you don’t want to
buy added security, at least cut old
broom handles or such and wedge
them in those windows most likely
to be targeted. The same fix works
for sliding glass doors, which should
be mounted so the inside track can
be secured in some manner. Both
sliding doors and windows can be
pinned with auxiliary devices that
run from an extra key to just a pin
on a chain. You can make your own
by cutting off double headed con-
crete form nails, to a length which
allows tbem.(o be inserted in small
holes drilled partially through the
existing frames. If you use these,
be sure that you leach every one in
the house how they work so that ia
an emergency, windows can be qsed
as an exit. A secure home does not
need to be a firetrap.
“Burglar Rooms”?
No discussion of home security
would be complete without talking
about garages. Most of you have a
lightweight hollow core interior
door between the garage and the liv-
ing area of the house. Many of these
doors don’t have deadbolt locks.
And many of you don’t even lock
these doors because you mistakenly
think of this area as being protected.
It is protected: it’s protected from the
prying eyes of your neighbors and
the police. So the most likely door
to be worked on and defeated by a
burglar is the same door with the
most tools lying around and the most
privacy for a burglar to work with.
Relying on the outside garage doors
for security only works if you are
diligent about closing these doors as
soon as you can and keeping them
closed most of the time. Otherwise
we should rename garages and call
them “burglar” rooms. Many of our
favorite toys are located in garages.
Weed eaters and lawn mowers are
always easy to fence" to buyers of
stolen property who don't ask ques-
tions and thm help m fond crimes.
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Hondo Anvil Herald (Hondo, Tex.), Vol. 113, No. 36, Ed. 1 Thursday, September 9, 1999, newspaper, September 9, 1999; Hondo, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth818780/m1/16/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Hondo Public Library.