Bob Shuler's Free Lance, Volume 2, Number 3, February 1918 Page: 70
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0BOB SHULER'S FREE LANCE
and through the courtesy of this pastor, it is true, and
yet he made some very serious discoveries concern-
ing that same pastor He discovered that this pastor
was a man of but medium ability when compared
with his own; that he was entirely too slow to attract
the attention of those to whom he himself had become
so attractive, that he was old-fashioned enough to
believe that Christians should live up to their pro-
fessions even in this day of frolic. Such faults were
beyond repair In his cultivated soul he could not
forgive this pastor for stooping to the low depths
of being only a clean, straight, honest, true man of
God. It seemed to him a shame that such ladies as
he had met should be forced to waste their sweetness
on such a pitiful and human lump of desert air.
Therefore the Rt. Rev. Dr Buckeye proceeded to
dig a German trench under the unsuspecting pastor,
the while he was accepting his hospitable entertain-
ment. He thereupon floated up a submarine into his
trench, put the poor, trusting pastor on the skids
and blew him up. The revival accomplished that
much. It forced the pastor to resign, which shows
that I am not writing this pathetic story concerning
a Methodist preacher
It was then that the Rt. Rev Dr. Buckeye decided
that he himself would make an ideal pastor of the
poor scattered sheep of Gogallico. Therefore he
proffered his services after much prayer, meditation
and pasting on of talcum powder He assured the
men (unfortunately the women did not hold the
latch string at this point) that he was coming to
them at untold sacrifice. In fact, the pitiful five
thousand dollars that he asked of them as a salary
was as a drop in the bucket beside his real worth
and beside the fabulous sums urged upon him by
concerns of various and sundry character all over
the country. Many companies with millions in the
hopper were shaking their purses in his face with
every passing day, and all that was lacking on
certain contracts that carried salaries in five figures
was his own glorious John Hancock. But all this
wealth he was willing to forego for the sake of lift-
ing the people of Gogallico to his own level and
shedding the blazing light of intellectuality about
through the darkened places of the community
Many ladies were enthusiastic. "Ah, the dear,
dear man," they said, "how we do hope we will get
him." However, some women were found who had
been reared in the days of gingham dresses and a
dash of calico occasionally. To such, the darling
dimples of this ecclesiastical dandy looked like small
holes in his face. Disastrous as were the conse-
quences, these women joined the men. Men are ever
slow to see the fruit of eternal perfection in their
fellows, and so the men, to the tune of about twoto one, felt rather sure that this divine was too
divine for their poor human eyes to look upon. Not
being possessed of the ladies' artistic appreciation
of the beautiful, they did not especially care to look
upon him anyway Having an idea that a fellow,
however angelic of countenance, who will dig under
his fellow minister and put a spider in his dumpling
while he isn't watching, would be best fighting the
Germans, they decided to permit him to do that very
thing, for be it known that almost everything in
the army had been offered this man of God (not
intending to be blasphemous) and he was longing
and thirsting to show forth the high grade of his
patriotism, his only trouble being his sense of duty
in his relations to the pastorate he was about to
accept.
So he came to town, met with the men (poor man!
the ladies had neither voice nor vote), gave them
for three hours a glowing account of his sacrifices,
about to be made, and the great pastorate he meant
to have among them. Then a silence ensued. It
was like the silence of the Republican party after
the last election. But why tell the sad story? It
but shows forth in glaring colors the lack of appre-
ciation of real glitter on the part of men. The next
morning Dr Buckeye took the train. Indeed, it was
a sad finish. We understand the ladies of Gogallico
have taken to knitting shawls for the soldiers.
GERMANIA HALL AND DEMOCRACY.
Germlania Hall is located in Travis County. The
community is a second Germany, so far as one can
exist in America. In a recent local option election in
that county, Germania Hall cast 57 votes. Two of
the number were for prohibition, there being two
Swedes living in that community In fact there are
three pro votes in that box under normal conditions,
but one Swede had gone to the war at the time of the
election.
In the presidential election this same box gave
Hughes 26 votes and Wilson 3. At that time the
third Swede had not gone to the war There are only
61 qualified voters at Germania Hall and yet, despite
the vote in the presidential election, that bunch of
Dutch went almost unanimously into the Democratic
primary and voted for Jim Ferguson.
And this is the kind of cattle that J L. Peeler, Lit-
tlefield, Wilmot and a hand full of Austin bankers
are willing to join in keeping booze in the capitol city
of the state. This is the type of democrat that Peeler
claims has stood by our President in retaining the
open saloon in Travis County.
- Since the election above referred to, another elec-
tion has been called in Austin and is in full swing asi 9tty
1P-- - r
70
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Shuler, Robert P. (Robert Pierce), 1880-. Bob Shuler's Free Lance, Volume 2, Number 3, February 1918, periodical, February 1918; Paris, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1146842/m1/22/?q=waco+tornado: accessed July 16, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Lena Armstrong Public Library.