St. Edward's University Hilltopper (Austin, Tex.), Vol. 12, No. 3, Ed. 1 Friday, September 16, 1983 Page: 2 of 4
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Forum
Friday, September 16, 1983
HILLTOPPER
Page 2
Editorial
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STAFF
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BUDGET
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‘85
Making good conversation
Editorial Policies
Information
0400
‘...everybody has
something interesting
they can talk about.’
Room 300P
Main Building
Learn how to make small talk.
Some talk may be superficial, but it
serves the purpose of making con-
tact with someone you’re interested
Finally, it is important to learn to
end a set of small talk and move on
to another group. It is difficult to
leave a person alone, so it’s helpful
to have some basic sentences ready
like, “Let’s go over and join that
group,” or “I’m really interested in
what they are saying, let’s get in on
it.” If that is not possible, it is okay
to say something like, “Excuse me,
however, a skill, not an art, and not
something that some people are
born with and others are not. Even
the most shy person can become
more skilled in social situations.
That does not mean that all his or
her shyness will vanish, but rather
embarrassment in social situations
will become lessened and pleasure
increased. The truth is everybody
has something interesting they can
talk about; it is by not talking that
people appear uninteresting. So,
here are a few tips to help you im-
prove your conversation skills.
there’s someone I need to speak
to.” Though the latter is the least
desirable, it is certainly better for
each of you than to run out of small
talk and be stuck with each other,
both feeling uncomfortable.
famous writer, Truman Capote,
how he learned to be such a brilliant
conversationalist. His reply was, “I
don’t like to be bored!”. He felt
free to change topics, or groups, or
both, to keep himself interested,
and therefore, interesting.
Practice will never make you
perfect, but it certainly will make
you better and eventually you will
become more of who you want to
become.
talk is already in progress. Your
goal is to make a statement that
calls attention to you and at the
same time makes you part of the
group. It is better to make a remark
than to ask a question, as it may
seem reptitious. One way to do this
is by adding to a remark that has
been made, giving some kind of
personal experience. For example, a
student tells a story about biology
lab, and you want to make an entry,
but want to switch it a little, you
might say, “I had a similar ex-
perience when...”, and then tell
your story. Don’t make it too long
and detailed, just make it long
enough to get into the group, and
then let the group conversation flow
freely.
Learn how to direct a conversa-
tion. Directing a conversation is
neither dominating it or passively
following it. It is being an interested
part of it; you’re feeling you have a
hand in what is being discussed, and
are contributing in ways to keep it
moving. One general rule for this is
to show something of yourself and
then ask a question. For example,
instead of asking, “Did you like
your internship?”, try “I haven’t
done an internship yet, do you
think I’d like it?”. This is a way of
expanding a conversation in hopes
of going beyond small talk.
Another idea is to have things
prepared to talk about. If you know
what kind of situation you’ll be in,
you can think of some relevant
stories and opening lines. A well
thought out story is often much
more interesting than a poorly
formed spontaneous one. Finally,
feel free to change the subject if it
gets worn out. Someone asked the
HILLTOPPER
Campus Mail Box 714
about having gone to a movie last
weekend, but it is not okay to go in-
to the details of your parent’s
divorce. It is equally important to
invite the other person to show
something of himself or herself. For
example, you tell a short story
about something that happened
over the summer. Usually the other
person will be ready to tell you
his/her own story. However, if they
are a little shy, all it will take is a
simple question like, “What did
you do this summer?”
By ELEANOR N. FUNK
Contributor
‘Meeting new people
and making good con-
versation is difficult’
All letters to the editor must be signed and/or
authorship known to the Editor-in-Chief.
Letters should pertain to current news topics or
campus concerns.
The Editors reserve the right not to print any let-
ter which they deem as libelous or defamatory.
The Hilltopper Newspaper reserves the right to
correct letters for punctuation, grammar, and
spelling, while retaining the original intent of the
writer.
Editor-in-Chief: Al Puente
Managing Editor: Rob L. Wood
Assistant to the Editors: Phil Rocha III
Layout Editor: Richard Ginn
Copy Editors: Marivel Avila, George Nichols
Features Editor: Colleen Cole
Sports Editor: Rose Shuler
Sports Staff: Richard Nira, Pati Juarez
Staff Writers: Cindy Olsen, Brian Pankau,
Contributor: Eleanor N. Funk
Photographers: Surachi Kambhu, Howard Osborne, Michelle Huff, Monica Miller
Photography Supervisor: Damian Morgan
Advertising Salesperson: Dennis Kane
Business Manager: Kathy Lind
The Hilltopper is an award-winning weekly newspaper published
by the students of St. Edward’s University. The opinions ex-
pressed are either those of the staff or of the individual writer
and do not necessarily reflect those of the University.
444-2621, Ext. 389
St. Edward's University*3001 S. Congress, Box 7l4»Auslin, Texas 78704
Priority will be given to those letters which are
deemed newsworthy and current to the concerns of
the university.
Letters should be typed or neatly printed and
double spaced. Deadline for letters is Thursday,
one week before publication.
Learn how to start a conversa-
tion. The first thing to remember is
that in most social situations several
people are uncomfortable, so
you’re not alone. Further, more
people respond readily, and are
often grateful for your invitation of
a conversation. There are several
pat phrases that will fit anywhere.
The easiest is to compliment the
person on something he/she is
wearing, and to follow it with a
question. For example, “I love your
boots. Where did you get them?”
or, “That’s a great ring. Is it tur-
quoise?”. If you are at a specific
meeting, or you have more infor-
mation on a person, you might try a
variation on them, like, “I under-
stand from class that you have
children. So do I. How old are
yours?”. The system is simply for
you to make a declarative sentence
that discloses some of yourself, and
then ask a related question. Be sure,
of course, to make eye contact
while doing this, as it helps im-
mensely in making any conversa-
tion successful.
As classes begin and social life ac-
celerates, there will be many oppor-
tunities to meet new people. For
some students that will be easy, for
others it will be considerably more
difficult. Part of making new ac-
quaintances is making good conver-
sation - a skill that many people
have not yet acquired. It is,
"RAN8ows END
Stop brainwashing yourself with
negative thoughts. Negative
thoughts only get in the way of
listening well and talking freely. Ex-
amples of such thoughts are ver-
sions of: “I’m stupid,” “I’m bor-
ing,” “I’ve got to be perfect,”
“I’m a failure.” If you suffer from
these types of self putdowns, use a
little technique to stop them called
“thought stoppage.” The way it
works is that when you hear
yourself putting yourself down in
your head, you say loudly to
yourself “STOP” then say “Calm”
and deliberately relax your muscles
for 5-10 seconds. To learn this
technique, form up a negative
thought in your mind, and then say
“STOP” outloud several times.
When it works you will notice a
momentary break in the thought
you are trying to control. If you
don’t get that break, do the exercise
again and say “STOP” longer and
louder until it works. After you’ve
learned to do it outloud, then just
start saying it inside yourself instead
of outside; it will have the same ef-
fect.
Hey, you’re in college! A brand new world is coming
alive for you. So what? Did you ever read an article
about how to combat apathy? Sure you have. Well here
is one that will tell you how to make apathy an art!
First, there are those all-important phrases which tell
everyone that you could care less: “Hey man, tell it to
someone who cares!”. “Do I look like I give a damn?”.
“It’s all a matter of interpretation anyway. I mean it’s
just not that important, you know?” Use them fre-
quently.
Second, convince yourself and others around you that
nothing you or they can do is going to make the slightest
difference. After all you’re only one person. Stroke
your conscience at every opportunity. Don’t let yourself
be challenged by anything. Rationalize, justify, and ex-
plain away any deep movings in your spirit as mere
weakness. Don’t worry, you’ll grow out of it.
Third, let nothing or no one get to you. Control and
maintain a hard exterior and a stony heart. Above all
don’t let your guard down with anyone. You might get
used or even abused. Somebody might not give you
anything in return and if that’s not a good reason to be
hardhearted what is? If you can’t find yourself an angle,
forget it man!
Finally, go all the way. Don’t just do a halfhearted
job. Is that a contradiction in terms? Nothing except
you and your interests matters. Looking after number
one is all the caring you need to do. Use people as much
as you can, but don’t get used yourself; that’s weak.
Apply yourself diligently to this. In every situation,
relationship, and opinion. You are playing with the big
kids now. Oh, by the way, just in case you decide to give
something or somone your time or thoughts, remember
this: you can’t forget about being popular. Nobody likes
a fanatic, whatever the cause is.
Walk in shallow water so you can see the bottom.
Nothing you do can have any depth. Just don’t care and
you’ll be fine because you can’t change a thing. Give up.
< > St. Edward’s University
$ iHILLTOPPER
in knowing, and who you want to Learn how to join ongoing con-
know. Good small talk needs to versations. Instead of starting a
have some personal disclosure in it, conversation, on many occasions,
but not too much. It’s okay to talk you will want to join a group where
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St. Edward's University Hilltopper (Austin, Tex.), Vol. 12, No. 3, Ed. 1 Friday, September 16, 1983, newspaper, September 16, 1983; Austin, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1519072/m1/2/: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting St. Edward’s University.