The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 64, No. 37, Ed. 1 Monday, March 14, 1977 Page: 4 of 8
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Soc. 204 Revisited
This paper attempts to show
the connection between
shoddy living habits and
mental illness, which often
manifests itself in strange
behavior, social disturbance,
and an inability to cope with
everyday feelings of hysteria
and intense hatred. While it
does not claim to present all
the answers in any logical
fashion, this paper does base
itself upon rather substantial
and ingrained knowledge and
The World Book Encyclo-
pedia.
The most common causes of
mental illness are overindul-
gence and a fainatical devotion
to moderation. Most fre-
quently overindulgence takes
the form or addiction to
artificial stimulants, like
amphetamines and wooden
legs. However, recent studies
indicate a startling correlation
between peanut butter
consumption and schizophre-
nia. When test rats were force-
fed six jars of peanut butter a
day in a recent government
experiment, the rodents
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developed marked tendencies
to social withdrawal in the
form of complete immobility.
Some even resorted to dying.
As if this were not proof
positive, surveys show that
over-consumption of this
gooey mind-wrecker leads to
unfounded "belief' in peanut
butter manifesting itself in the
most advanced stages as a
hallucinatory vision of a little
fairy in pointed green
slippers.*
A study by Drs. T. Madman
and C. Loonie, each an expert
in the respective fields of
social lechery and mushroom
farming, lends credence to the
position that mental illness is
developed rather like the taste
for beer is developed. To take
genetic factors into account,
seventy pairs of identical
twins, of which one was raised
by foster parents and the other
by a family of orangutans,
were asked what they would
like to be when they grow up.
Significantly, "mentally ill"
placed third right behind
"airplane pilot" and "nurse."
Many academic colleagues
contend that social reaction
rather than personal short-
comings is the decisive factor
causing mental illness.**
They compile the character-
istics of your average
psychotic and ask housewives
questions like (1) Would you
allow your children to play
with this person? (2) Would
you buy the Brooklyn Bridge
from this person? (3) Did you
know you are married to this
person? And on the results of
these questions they surmise
that mental illness is forced on
select unfortunates who just
happen to be into Napoleon
impersonations and chewing
on rocks. Pshaw. A quick
glance at the Semi-Lunatic
Underachievement Tests
(SLUT) convinces even the
most guilt-ridden bleeding
heart that lack of motivation
and uncontrolled behavior on
an individual's part are the
forerunners of neurosis and
drooling.
As for the organic school,
syphilis and senility may lead
to mental illness, but what is
the cause of syphilis and
senility in the first place?
That's right, overindulgence
in the first case and excessive
moderation in the second.
Those who overindulge in
moderacy live to ripe old ages
and become senile. Ergo,
' mental illness.
The person who would like
to be sane once more often
finds himself in a situation
where he would like to be sane
once more. Either that or free
of a nagging feeling of deja vu,
or deja vu as the French would
say. Yet treatment of mental
illness is often hampered by
feelings of inadequacy and
inability to break out of the
psychotic rut one has gotten
into. Even the patient senses
this feeling and so loses
confidence in his analyst.
The point that needs to be
remembered is that people
who suffer from mental illness
are just like everybody else
except for their little problem
which sets them apart from
everybody else. Just like
everybody else they have two
eyes, two ears, a nose, a giant
crab following them, and all
the problems the average Joe
has. But the future of mental
illness depends upon the
perception and foresight of
today's sociologists and
psychologists. Without them
mental illness has no
future.***
And without papers like
this, the public may not
perceive the causative chain
behind and so the cure for
mental illness. Peanut butter
and other excessive living
habits must go. The answer is
moderation in moderation in
everything. And don't pet
strav doers.
* Indicates point of no
return.
** Indicates professional
stupidity.
*** Indicates obsession with
footnotes.
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the rice thresher, march 14, 1977—page 4
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McFarland, Carla. The Rice Thresher (Houston, Tex.), Vol. 64, No. 37, Ed. 1 Monday, March 14, 1977, newspaper, March 14, 1977; Houston, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth245328/m1/4/: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Rice University Woodson Research Center.