Daily Bulletin. (Brownwood, Tex.), Vol. 4, No. 164, Ed. 1 Wednesday, April 27, 1904 Page: 3 of 8
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The One Man. .
Weary Willie Yeh de fust time I
was even in Noo York a friend o'.
mineitook ine in toV an' made me ac-
quainted wid Russell Sage.
Hungry Hawkes Aw g'on!
.Weary Willie Sure. He pointed
'im out 'ter me so's I'd know 'im again
'if I ever met 'im an wouldn't waste
do time tryin' ter touch 'im fur a
nickel.
BASHFUL
HE XOSES HIS HAT AND HIS
Overdid the Thing.
. "He wouldn't lie even about the fish
he' caught. He just let the photo-
graph speak for itself."
VHe photographed it then?"
. "Yes. He stuck a small branch of-
a .small tree up In the sand hung the
fish to it and then photographed it
at short range. But he overdid the
thing."
"How was that?"
" "Why the branch looked like a big-
oak .in the picture and the fish was
more than half as big as the tree.
Somehow people suspected him of
lying even if he didn't say a word."
His Only Knowledge.
"Where is the board of health?" in-
quired the stranger who had been
wandering aimlessly about the city
hall.. -
"I can tell you where it isn't." re-
plied the dyspeptic-looking man.
. "Eh?" -
"It isn't at Mrs. Starvem's. I know
that much.; because that's where I
.board." Philadelphia Ledger.
Another Outrage.
Swipsey Here dis paper gives six
columns to -de Russian-Jap war an'
only one. inch to de fightlast night
between Bulldog Smith an' Kid Bone.
Jimmy Yer don't say. I tell yer
de .press has reached a bum stage
-when it lets a little think like dat
interfere wld a real scrap.
When They Flowed.
Thomson Did you ever run away
when you were a boy?
AioDDS unce.
And I suppose tne tears nowea
. freely when -you returned.
- "Yes. I made the mistake of re-
turning when father was at home."
-Stray Stories.
Sage Advice.
Womanlike. she kept him puzzled
and worried.
. . "I don't know how to take her" he
complained.
"Oh as' to that" returned the wise
old gentleman "perhaps it would be
just as well to take her in your arms."
Welcome Repetition.
Guest Sam. I suppose 3'ou like the
men- who always remember the
waiter?
Sam No sah! Ah laks dem dat
"don't remembah de waiter. Den dey's
liable to tip de same one two or three
times en not know nuffin erbout it. -
As to Lies.
" "A lie is a statement intended to
.deceive."
- "Not necossarily."
-?'Why not?"
"A statement intended to deceive
may be merely international diplo-
macy or financial strategy."
" About the Limit.
La Monti Stalewood Is coming to
-tell one of his Jokes. Let Us run."
La Moyne Are his jokes really' so
Jbad?
La Montt Bad? Why they are
jokes you wouldn't listen to if he was
going to buy the next round- of
drinks.
Pa's Idea of IL
Little Willie; Say pa what does
"this paper mean by saying the -patient
is convalescing? '
Pa Oh it means that he has- man-
aged to outwit the doctor my 'son.
St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
"The Last Shall Be First."
Tess 'I've juptbecun to read that
novel yon loaned mo.
Jess Oh! have you? .It's queer the
way. the .first chapter opens isn't .it? -
Tea I haven't come to that yet.
Honor Satisfied Once More.
"Yes it was the latest thing in
French duels. Alphone and Henri
quarreled. Alphonse sent Henri his
photograph and Henri'seized his rapier
and run it through. Then "Heri- sent
his photograph to Alphonse and Al-
phonse ran it through."
"What then?" .
"Then they embraced and dined to-
gether." ' -
MR. JONES
REFUTATION TOR EOBEIETT.
Cautious. .
"We would like.' to name a cigar
after you" said the. manufacturer to
the prominent citizen. "Have you any
objection?" ' '. .
"Weil I would like to smoke one .of
the cigars first"-was the reply. "I
wouldn't care to. be identified with
any confidence game." .
' Exposing a Fallacy.
"I believe the. time is approaching
when every question will be submit-
ted "to. arbitration and all the people
will agree."
' "Well if you wish to be undeceived
just make ah attempt to settle a dis-
pute between the owner of the house
and a tenant."
A Kick Coming. --
He .(after- a quarrel) You know
when I proposed to 'you- I expected
your father would kick me when I
went to him.
She (tartly) I wish he had. ' -"Well.
I'm going right over to his
house and ask-him to kick me now!"
Arousing the Public "Wrath j
Editor of the Weekly Howl What
on earth is the trouble . out there?
Office Boy Why. there's a lot of mar-
"ried fellows wot's goin ter. kill you
fer printin' an article about "HOW to
Strengthen w a Woman's Voice. "
Comic Cuts.
Proof Positive
Johnny "Tommy . Smith's " mother
makes him go to. Sunday school every
Snnda3" . ;
Johnny's Mamma "Why do you say
she makes him go?"- V -
Johnny "'Cause lie goes." Rani's
Horn.
Hitting the Mark."
"The hardest work I know" began
Borroughs.
"Is to -find somebody that's easy to
work eh?" interrupted Wiseman. .
THE RETORT
. -Major Topknot M. H. (to butcherVboy) Hi! Hulloah! Have you seen
my hare? -'-..
Butcher's Boy Ga-a-rn! "Ave you seen my whiskers? London Punch.
Enterprise.
La Montt I notice e very one on this
street looks but When an automobile"
passes. -
La Moyne Yes and the. fish "ped-
dler got onto it. Now he toots an
amomobile horn instead of a fin one.
imposition. -
Ernie Gussle Sapp says if I refuse
him he will go away and- join either
the Japanese or "Russian army." '
.Belle Then accept him. Those na-
tions have-enough tumbles already!'
Doing His Best.
"Have' you ever made any effort to
do your fellow man anygood?"
"Certainly'-' answered "Senator Sor-
ghum. "It is a well known fact that
money -widely circulated can accom-
plish but little. In order to exert its
full force and. achieve great works it
.must be concentrated."
"Well?"
"I have been doing my best to con-
centrate as much df it as possible."
Washington Star.
Real Estate Liar Wanted.
Hewitt Gruet has been converted.
Jewett Is that -so?
Hewitt Yes; and having had a
few real estate deals in mind before
he experienced religion he has put
this" "ad" in the paper: "Wanted
Bj; a man who has just joined the
church a first-class liarto . disppse of
a number of lots which he had on
hand at the time he was converted."
Town Topics.
Beating the Beggars.
- "Mr. Scribble." said the retired phil-
anthropist to. his secretary "I see wo
received 150 begging letters yester-
day and every one has a stamp en-
closed for a reply."
"Yes. sir."
"Well answer them evasively on
post cards and encourage" them to
"write again.-"?- .
Knew His Business.
"That's a fine lot of pigs you have"
there" said the old farmer. "What
do you feed 'em?"
"Why corn of course" replied. ama-
teur - agriculturist who had recently
moved from the. city..
"In the ear?" queried the o. t.
"No" answered the a. a.; "in. the
mouth."
- s - Handicapped.
The toy building blocks were hav-
ing" a quiet chat among themselves in
the nursery of an old English castle.
"I. wish I were an American heir
ess" sighed the letter H. . .
"Because why?" asked the J.
"Then his infantile dukelets would
hot drop me" explained the disgust
ed H. . .
Design. '
"By what accident did. such a stuphl
man get into office?" .
" 'Twan t any accident." answered
Farmer Corntossel. "We put him
there a-purpos'e. We thopght that if
he took a notion to be dishonest
stupid man would be a heap easier to
lllU .IA1U.U 11 III HI i uiic;.
Dangerous Gift.
Mrs. CrawFoot Our son Sam writes
like" a copyplate. .Ain't -you glad to
hear it?
Mr. Crawfoot No. by hen! If he
writes too .good he s liable to never
got any higher than those chaps that
write vlsitin' caYds'on the sidewalk.
More Valuable)
"l suppose" a good memory is "very
valuable to a man in your position."
"I dpn't know" answered Senator
Sorghum. "A good memory helps
some. But it's knowing just when to
forget things that counts." Wash
ington Star.
Heavy.
"What did you do with that article
liat Bittler sent you on the 'Longevity
of the Patriarchs'?".
"I'm using Itor a paper weight."
uieveiana Jfiain Dealer.
COURTEOUS.
Strong Proof. .
Gunner Do you. think1 he loves hei
enough to eat her cooking after they
are married?"
Guyer Does he? Why man ho ate
what she cooked. In a chafing dish
when ehe was u college girl.
From" Bad to Worse.
- VWell Jano.-" said Mrs. DeStyle. im".
patiently "haven't you found the orna-
ment for my hair yet?"
"Yes ma'am" answered Jano "hut
how I can't find your bale ma'am." "
FORMER QUEEN OF SPAIN
DIES AT PARIS FRANCE
Ex-Queen Isabella of Spain grand-
mother of King Alfonso died at Paris
France" April 3. .
Death was . due to influenza with
.complications. The American em-
bassy which is opposite the Palatte
Castile the late queen's residence
was early informed of the queen's
death and Ambassador Porter was
among the first to call and sign the
palace "register.
The Infantas Isabella Eulalia and"
Marie daughters of the late queen
were at the bedside whe nshe died.
Queen Isabella II. was the daughter
of Ferdinand VII.. king of Spain- and
Marie 'Christina of Naples and was
born in 1S30. When she was only. 3
years old her father Ferdinand died
and Isabella was declared queen
while her mother undertook the office
df regent.
Isabella was reared in a turmoil of
BRITISH INVADING FORCE IN
CiMP AT GAUTHANG TIBET
r : . w 11 3.1
I I I II Ml I I m Til 4 VI
I f L'achsntLachoongfi Jffi
Kanchenjungaf VVT
. "t & I KfT lVI l&umb
NEPAL iarb F'GthSgZW?
o 'AS &o ' "A fAamsafiu't'
Z rjd; ' S 1 Tr
Gauthang (in the Tibetan tongue
"beautiful pasture") a place 12000
feet above sea level is the site of the
British camp on the advance into
Tibet twelvo miles from ChumbI and
Pliari and lies In a small caldronlike
valley carpeted with moss and with
no apparent egress.
Some days ago Gauthang was a
desolate unnamed spot not boasting
a single shepherd's hut. At present.
it is occupied by four companies of
the Twenty-third and Thlrtysecqnd
Pioneers and becomes temporarily
They . Suffer In Silence.
"The question is now being agitat
ed" began Mr. Victimlzer fouling his
paper "as to which is the more fatal
to mankind gunpowder or face pow-
der.". "I never heard of a man being
killed by face powder Horatio" In-
terpolated his wife. ' "No men don't
mentIonsuch things" ho.jepliod "but
nevertheless many a one Is undergo-
-lng what might bo termed a living
death by having faced a volley of it
and weakly-Burr.enderins. There are
deaths and deaths MaraVr
CSV
revolutions in which- the efforts of
Don Carlos to seize the throne were
the prevailing causes'. ' In 1843 she
was declared' of age- and shortly after
Isabella through the efforts of Louis
Philippe of France was married to
her cousin Francis of Assisl a most
unhappy marriage.
The history of Spain during the
reign of Isabella presents a dismal
picture of faction and intrigue. The
country was rent by political jealousy
and. in 18CS Sarrano and Prim the
liberal leaders who had been exiled
some years returned and headed a
successful revolution compelling Isa
bella to flee to 'France. A provincial
government was established but the
people of Spain long accustomed to
view royalty with superstitious rever
ence .pmnhded the revival of the
monarchy. - -
The crown was offered to. and ac
cepted by Alfonso XII.' .the young son
of Isabella in 1S74.
IB. E
Kerr.baOjjnj Wort)
tlio headquarters of the column of
Gen. Younghusband.
Gauthang. though at a higher ele-
vation than ChumbI is more sheltered
and less cold. It is preferable to
Pliari being well within the wood
limit. Transport difficulties make it
unlikely that the force will move out
of the valley for two mbnths.
Reports have reached India that
three or four thousand' Tibetans have
assembled some forty miles from
Phari and that hostilities .are quite
possible.-
Has Autographs of Great Men.
1 Andrew Carnegie has the best col
lection or autograplis of crowned
heads- and famous persons in contem-
porary history. These are frequently
not only signatures but also letters
4. . iiu a gicai
mcjr ivim one OI I
his most valued possessions. Nothine
has ever been le&ihed of what be
came of the collection of the late Dr.
Evans of Paris which was""one. jst
uio most extensive in Europe.
Sully and Harrlman.
he angriest man fn New York the
other day was .Edward H. Harrlman
capitalist and railroad man. One of the
Wall street rumors in conection with
the Sully failure has been that the
famous pool started in a game of.
"sweetheart poker" at the Hoffman
house. Sweetheart poker Is a game
in which the winnings go to the play-
er's sweetheart. The story was that
Sully sat In such a game withairall-
road president the head of a big trust
an.i another financier. These gentle-
men were so much impressed with'SuI-
ly's talents that tljey offered to chip if
$50000 apiece to a blind pool to butt
the cotton market. As it was the pool
won. At a subsequent game the capi-
talists put up for a still heavier play.
When these facts were published the
finger of rumor was pointed to Mr.
Harriman as the. as the railroad man
in question and it is said that Sully's
creditors were taking steps to estab-
lish the financier's liability for at least
a part of the $3000000 which Sully is
said to owe. This report had a very
striking effect on Mr. Harriman. He"
was to be seen at almost any hour that
day protesting violently that he hatf
never set eyes on the dethroned cottoi
king.
Always remember that seeing oth-
ers iaii aoes not renaer you any more
sure-footed.
A Grateful Young Lady. . '
Sullivan Ark. April 11. Miss-FaY-
Clover one of our brightest young
ladies is receiving -the congratula-
tions of her many friends on her res-
toration to good health. For a long
time she has - been ailing and her
gratitude for ner complete recovery
nas prompted her to explain how It
was accomplished.
"Some months ago I found myself
In a very serious condition'' say3
Miss- Clover. "I had. neglected myself
till I was forced to give my condition
Immediate attention. I could not
Bleen at nftrht. mv nnnptlto fneA nVirt
my kidneys were affected causing a
severe backache and a dull psjn in
my head.
A friend advised me to give Dodd's
Kidney Pills a trial and I bought a
bbxto please her not thinking that
they would do me any good. I used
thevn and was surprised at the im-
provement they made in my case. ra
short time I was permanently cured..
They are a splendid remedy."
Still Obscure.
'Joslah' asked Mrs. Chugwater-
holding her finger on the place in the
if -
paper wcere sne nau Deen reaaing.
'what does eke mean?"
"It means 'also 'in addition' 'like-.
wise' " responded Mr. Chugwater.
"Can't you tell from the other words
In the sentence?"
"No an'd that doesn't seem to make
it any plainer either" she said pro-
ceeding to read: "The lower classes
of Chinese also in addition likewise
DUt a miserable existence. What's the
sense of that I'd like tb know?' Chi-
-i
Cheaper to Have Paid Him.
an. himself. He says: "While professor
In a law school in Washington I had
my class before me one night and in
the course of my remarks had occasion
to illustrate the smailness of the world.
Why gentlemen' I said 'I can give
ou no better example of the smailness
of the world than to state my own ex-
perience. Now all of you know that .
I come from a little town in Maryland
where the people are given rather to
staying at home and yet when I was
In Europe not long ago I was in Paris
and there I saw a man from my town
John X ; then again when I was
in Venice I met John X ; then
again in London on the Strand I ran
across him. I came home and while
visiting at Yellowstone park I met him
again and then again "
" T say professor broke In one ot
the class with a-slv look in his eves.
Vouldn't it have- been cheaper in' the
and to pay John X and let Mm
go?"
ARMY TRIALS.-
An- Infantryman's Long Siege.
i ais soioier s laie oi iooa is interest
ing.
During his term of service in 17th
Infantry in Cuba and Philippines qd
Ohio soldier boy contracted a diseases
of' the stomach and bowels which all
rmv r nntnra tt Vi r tfaof Afl film
nounced Incurable but which Grape-
Nuts food' alone cured:
"In October 1899 when my enlist
ment expired I was discharged from
the army at Calulute Philippines and
returned. to tho States on the first
availablo steamer that' left Manila.
When I got home I was a total wreck
physically and my doctor put mo to
bed saying he considered me the worst
broken-down man of my age he ever.
saw and after treating me 6 months
ho considered my case 'beyond medical
aid.
"During the fall and winter of 1900
and '01 I was admitted to the Barnes
Hospital in Washington D C for
treatment for chronic Inflammation of.
. t. n V. 1 . .
iuo siumuuu uuu uuwuis out alter o
months returned home as bad as ever.
"I continued taking ihediclno until
February 1902 when reading a news-
paper one day I read about Grape-Nuts
and was so impressed I sent out for a 1
package right away.
"The result is quickly told for 1
have used Grape-Nuts continually ever
since with tho best results my health
Is so I cando a fair day's hard work
stomach and .bowels are in good con
ditlon have" gained. 40 pounds 1b
weight and I feel like a new mas alto-
gether. .
"I owo my present good health ta
cal -science was exhausted." Nam
Mfrh
-tr'nf
Had ho consumed any ono of
oral thousand physicians we kno.nr
thev would have' nrescrlhp.d Cln
Nuts Immediately.
Look "In 'each-pkcr. for the
I
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Mayes, Will H. Daily Bulletin. (Brownwood, Tex.), Vol. 4, No. 164, Ed. 1 Wednesday, April 27, 1904, newspaper, April 27, 1904; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth346363/m1/3/?q=music: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Howard Payne University Library.