The Tulia Herald (Tulia, Tex.), Vol. 87, No. 5, Ed. 1 Thursday, February 2, 1995 Page: 3 of 16
This newspaper is part of the collection entitled: Tocker Foundation Grant and was provided to The Portal to Texas History by the Swisher County Library.
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THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 2,1995
THE TULIA (Swisher County) HERALD
PAGE THREE
I drive a 19.67 Ford pickup truck. It’s
a tan, long bed hunk with a few pipes
stuck together to look like a roll bar and
Jolly Roger stickers stuck all over it.
The “rollbars” were there when I got
the truck and I have often thought about
taking them off and trashing them be-
cause they make me look like a cheap-
skate.
I put the Jolly Roger stickers on the
truck for two reasons. One, I had a
friend who raced cars in Lubbock and
the name of his racing team was “Pirate
Racing.” The second reason is to warn
people that the truck is poisonous.
Well, chances are, if you see me
driving down the street, especially on a
rural road, I’ll wave at you.
Sure, I’m being friendly, but I’m also
in training.
Somebody told me that’s what they
do in Australia to let oncoming traffic
know they are OK and someday I’m
going to live in Australia.
I was talking to part-time Herald
worker Betty Bryant one day about
Australia and she said she heard New
Zealand is more beautiful than Austra-
lia.
I set her straight. I told her that Aus-
tralia has the Great Barrier Reef, Ayers
Rock, the Sydney Opera House, Tas-
mania and Crocodile Dundee.
And I ended by telling her Australia
was much more prestigious than New
Zealand, Mate. While saying that, I
used my best Australian accent, which
isn’t really very good.
I’m so intrigued by Australia— I just
can’t help myself. My long time friend,
Jeff Jcgclewicz, and I made plans to go
to Australia, get jobs on a ranch work-
ing for room and board and never come
back to the U.S.
Jeff and I have been friends since the
eighth grade. I think we’ve gotten along
so well because both of our last names
arc hard to say and spell.
We had plans to move to Australia
and nothing was going to stop us.
We never did it, though.
OK, only women could stop us.
Hey, I’m still young.
Regarding Australia, I found a book
in the Swisher County Library that I
read as a child.
Of course I looked for it without
knowing the title and ended up calling
the librarian at S win bum Elementary
for the title. I think she thought I was a
nut.
I called and said, “I’m looking for a
book about this kid who wakes up in the
morning and has gum in his hair and...”
(I don’t want to ruin it for you).
She waited for me to finish my expla-
nation and immediately told me the
name of the book. If she wasn’t an
elementary school librarian, I’d think
she was a nut for knowing the name of
the book.
But I was thankful.
The book is called “Alexander and
the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very
Bad Day.”
The kid in this book has a bad day and
continuously mentions about how he is
going to move to Australia.
What a smart kid, I thought.
***
Something else I have a strange inter-
est in is Vietnam.
Not now, but during the Vietnam
War.
I have always wondered what it was
like to be in that war. I have a lot of
respect for the soldiers that fought over
there and I would love to write a book
about some soldier’s experience while
in the combat zone.
The only problem is that a lot of these
soldiers don’t like to talk about Viet-
nam. My dad is like that. He was a pilot
over there and all he has ever told me
was that he saw plenty of action —
that’s it.
1 don’t know why I’m so interested in
Vietnam. I was bom about three years
before it was finally over so it’s not like
I was really involved.
My uncle was killed there, but I never
knew anything about him than he was a
boxer who won a bronze medal in the
1968 Olympic Games.
I wish a Vietnam Vet would be will-
ing to sit down with me and tell me his
story. Maybe that could help me under-
stand why I’m so interested in such an
ugly war.
***
I was putting on a pair of white socks
the other day and as I pulled my right
sock up, it ripped in half.
I was so mad.
That sock gave me no indication it
was about to rip—no holes, no tears, no
runs — it just ripped in half.
I was so mad.
And how do you retaliate against
white tube socks? You can’t go berserk
and start pounding socks. You can’t
scold socks. You can’trcason with socks.
I finally came up with a solution — I
would boycott wearing socks all to-
gether.
Day one of the sock strike went well.
I wore a pair of black penny loafers and
I reminded myself of Lewis Grizzard,
who always wore penny loafers without
socks.
Day two of the sock ban wasn’t as
good, but was still successful. I wore a
pair of brown, soft leather shoes.
I was making my point to those disre-
spectful socks.
Day three ate my lunch.
I wore a pair of gray boots I’ve had
since I was in the eighth grade. All was
well until I walked from the Herald
office to the post office.
The boots rubbed three blisters.
I fought a war against socks and was
defected.
I’m wearing socks again, under pro-
test mind you.
***
A couple weeks ago, I was called a
series of different names within aperiod
of three days.
I was called “Bert” (From Sesame
Street), “Kid ’n Play” and “Kramer”
(from Seinfeld). But when Heraldspons
writer Marsha Dickens called mc“Buck-
wheat,” I knew it was haircut time.
I needed a haircut and decided since
I had been to a real soda fountain, I
needed to go all the way and see a real
barber.
I went to Ideal Barber shop, not really
knowing what to expect.
I told my barber what I wanted, sat in
his chair and let him have at it.
Keep in mind I’m a city boy and
haven’t even seen a real-live barber
since I was six years old.
I was a little nervous when he pulled
out the clippers. A stylist rarely uses
clippers on me. She starts out with
scissors and trims up with clippers.
My barber didn’t even use scissors at
all.
He clipped me up and I thought he
was done.
1 was wrong.
He told me to look down so I did. I
heard a squishing sound and felt warm
shaving cream being rubbed above my
cars.
Then my barber used a straight razor
to trim me up.
Yes, all you other city boys out there
who have never had a real barber cut
your hair, he used a straight razor to trim
my head.
Anyone can use a set of clippers.
Even I have cut my own hair with a set
of dog clippers. (I was desperate).
Wow, that was a great cut—but wail!
He wasn’t done.
I heard a giant clicking sound and
then I head something rumbling.
The next thing I knew, my barber was
massaging my head with an electric
mas sager.
After that, I was so relaxed, I didn’t
want to go back to work.
Continued on Page Eight
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Ptl'jflb 5 rj 5
The Julia Herald
P. O. Drawer 87
Tulia, TX 79088
Chris Russett - Publisher
Casey Westenricdcr -Asst. Editor
Cliftecn White, Ad Composition
Marsha Dickens, Sports writer
Lou Ann Miller, Office Manager
Diana Walsh - Typesetter
ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTION RATE
Swisher and adjoining counties, $16.00.
All other Texas and U. S. addresses,
S19.00. The publisher is not responsible
for copy omission or typographical er-
rors which occur other than to correct
them in the next issue after it is brought to
his attention, and in no case does the
publisher hold himself liable for dam-
ages further than the amount received by
him for actual space covering the error.
The right is reserved to reject or edit all
advertising. Advertising oTders are ac-
cepted on this basis only. All published
letters to the editor must be signed and not
over 200 words in length.
TCr~*Alaska
Alaska
Cruise Night
Princess Cruises fst
TO
VIDEOS ♦ DOOR PRIZES*FREE BROCHURES ♦ REFRESHMENTS
VsT
Cruise
PlaintXrea
group to
Alaska-
DATE: Tuesday Feb. 7, 1995
TIME: 7:00 p.m.
PLACE: Premier Travel
3109 Olton Rd. Plainview
(behind Long John Silvers)
Don t miss this special event! All hookings
made during this promotion will receive a
discount, upgrades and shipboard credit!
800-891-9002 PrOmier^Tib 291-9000
Community Gin
and
Barry & SuDe Street
for their support of
The Tulia Buyers Club
The Kress Buyers Club
And A Special Thanks
For Buying My Lamb
Brittany Womack
tetmag lighting
Contest
LLOYD AND ANN RALPHS were
first place winners of the Happy
Christmas lighting contest.
Ralphs Is shown here with
granddaughter Maggie.
—Courtesy photo
SHIRLEY AND BERTIE LaRoe
were second place winners of the
Happy Christmas lighting contest.
—Courtesy photo
MARY WOMACK was the third
place winner of the Happy
Christmas lighting contest.
—Courtesy photo
The City of Tulia is accepting ap-
plications for lifeguards for the 1995
season until April 1, 1995. Applica-
tions for lifeguard arc accepted at the
Texas Employment Commission, 310
W. Broadway.
Lifeguards must be at least 16 and
show successful completion of
courses in lifeguarding, first aid and
CPR prior to application. A
lifeguarding course is available dur-
ing spring break at the YMCA in
Plainview.
The City of Tulia is an Equal Op-
portunity Employer.
Box Office Opens Show Starts
7:oo p.m. Royal Theatre At 7:3op.m.
Fri., Sat. , Sun. — Feb. 3. 4 & 5
Dumb and Dumber
Rated: PG13
Starring: Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels
Ailsup'S
PRICES EFFECTIVE FEB. 2-8, 1995
365 NW6TK
517 SW 2ND
SAVE ON
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6 pack
12 oz. can
$-| 99
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The Tulia Herald (Tulia, Tex.), Vol. 87, No. 5, Ed. 1 Thursday, February 2, 1995, newspaper, February 2, 1995; Tulia, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth507527/m1/3/?q=Lamar+University: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Swisher County Library.