El Paso International Daily Times (El Paso, Tex.), Vol. 13, No. 186, Ed. 1 Tuesday, August 8, 1893 Page: 3 of 8
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£1 Paso Daily Time?; Tuesday, August 8,1893.
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A Mortuary Joke.
“I have recently had a strange experi-
ence,” said a gentleman yesterday,
“What was it? Well, the other day I
met a lady acquaintance on the Btroot,
and after the exchange of the usual
greetings she proceeded to condole with
me over the death of my wife. I was
dumfounded over her pathetic and pro-
fuse sympathy. When I recovered my
senses, I ventured to enlighten the lady
by assuring her that my wife was in the
land of the living, well and hearty. The
lady was astonished to learn that Mrs.
-, an intimate friend of my wife, who
had told her, could have been so mis-
taken. In less then an hour after cor-
recting this error I met another mutual
friend, and she hud also been told by
Mrs.-that my wife had gone to that
undiscovered country. \
•‘During that afternoon and the day
following a dozen people expressed their
sympathy over my loss, and sfchmge to
say all of them had learned the story
from Mrs. ——. I of oonrse told my
better half, and we determined to call on
Mrs. - for an explanation. It was
early in the evening when in answer to
the ringing of the doorbell Mrs. -—
opened the door. She pretended to be
startled by my wile’s presence and
screamed: ‘Why, Mary, can this be you?
I thought you were dead.’
“ ‘So I have heard from a dozen sources.’
responded Mary, ‘and I want you to ex-
plain.’
“ •Explain? Why, that ip easy. Yon
told me a week ago that if you were alive
you would come out on Wednesday and
spend the day with me. You didn’t come;
hence I concluded that you were dead
and said so to those acquaintances I
met.’ ■ v
. “The women kissed, and Mary called
Mrs.-■" a mean rogue and so termi-
nated the mortuary joke, in which I
* failed to discover the humor1.”—Louis-
ville Courier-Journal.
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The Beat Kind of Exercise.
There is no single exercise which com-
bines bo many health giving qualities as
riding. It is peculiarly valuable to
children, for it is the most certain and
gentle developer of the back and stom-
ach muscles and imparts a tone to the
entire system that cannot gpossibly be
attained in any other way. Even foot-
ball, the hardiest of all games, falls
short of having the same invigorating
effect on the boy. If this be true for
the boy—and such it is now general!
admitted to be—how much more neces-
sary is riding to the young girl who has
no game but lawn tennis, which fails to
exercise the most important parts of her
body?
Few boys and girls, and almost as few
men and women, think twice of the val-
ue of different kinds of exercise to them,
or wouTd know much about it if they
did think. Any exercise of course, mod-
erately taken, is better than none, but
the exercise which acts upon arms and
legs only is of not one-half the value of
that which acts on the body, the chest,
stomach and back. When, then, an ex-
ercise is found that acts on all, its value
is apparent without further argument
•—Harper’s Young People.
* ' - r ' 1 1 ...... " 1.....1
Detecting a Culprit.
The Rev. Joseph Haven, who preached
in Rochester, N. H., during the last
quarter of the last century, has been al-
ways remembered for his genial spirit
and his inexhaustible humor. One story
told of him has many parallels, but it is
quite as likely to be true in his case as
in any.
The boy had been guilty of some grave
offense, and yet would not confess it.
“I can tell who did it.” said the parson,
and accordingly he called together all
the boys snsoected and explained to them
that he had confined a rooster under a
kettle in a darkened room. One after
another they must pass in and touch the
kettle. When the guilty boy touched it,he
might expect to hear the rooster crow.
The lads filed in and out again and
were made to display their fingers. All
but those of one lad were sooty. He, the
guilty one, had not ventured to touch
the telltale kettle.—Youth’s Companion.
HU Plaintive Plea.
He had loved her very tenderly and
for a long time, but she had scorned
Sensible Treatment of Corns.
Light shoes, short shoes and clumsy
shoes produce corns by compressing,
cramping and rubbing against the joints.
A great many of these pedal blemishes
are hereditary. In any case it is a good
plan to suppress them. Every medicine
merchant has a variety of “cures,” and
nearly all give temporary relief. A
poultice made of yiuegar soaked bread
crumbs will cure a little corn in one
night. It is not advisable to let a corn
grqw. Either rub down the formation
witn pumic» stone or remove it with a
knife. A little opposition will discour-
age it, provided sensible shoes are worn.
In pedicuring, as in manicuring, the feet
should be soaked in iiot water and as
much of the waste material brushed and
rubbed off as possible.—New York
Rather Forward.
Clara—That Gussie Gush ought to be
ashamed of herself, the bold thing!
Dora—Wliat did she do?
Clara—She's accepted Jack Jewel, and
he hadn’t proposed to her but three
times.—New York Weekly.
An Explained Delay.
“They amputated his leg after all, eh?
What made the doctors wait bo long?’
“Judgin from their bills it must have
been to give ’em a chance to pull it be-
fore they took it off.”—Buffalo Courier.
would have turned when trod upon, but
she recked not this. It was enough for
her that she did not care for him. This
is usually enough for any woman; also
for any man when the boot is on the
other foot, for of such is the kingdom
of Cupid.
His condition had at last become un-
bearable to him, and he resolved to win
all or lose all. It was late one evening
when the fateful moment came.
“Will you marry me?” lie asked her
in pain, untrimmed English, for he could
trust himself to nothing in the orna-
mental line.
She spurned him scornfully.
“No!” she replied, with sarcastic, hate-
ful, cruel emphasis, “No£’
The word pierced the heart in his bos-
om. His lips quivered, and at first he
could not speak.
“Have yon no more to say?” he asked
at last plaintively.
■" “No, sir,” she replied. “What more
could I say?’
Again he shrank at the crnel thrust.
“I didn’t know,” he murmured tremu-
lously, “but I think you might have said
‘No, I thank you.’”
Then he fled away so weary with dis-
asters, trigged with fortune, that he
would set his life ou any chance to mend
it or bo rid of it.—Detroit Free Press.
A Custom That I» Very Old Indeed.
A bride made the confession to a group
of young women who gathered around
her after the wedding ceremony and the
congratulations had been said and
owned up to having worn a yellow gar-
ter for two years, tnat she had counted
the stars and carried out the various
bits of lore that are prophetic of a speedy
marriage and happiness ever after.
She wore something old and something new.
Something borrowed and something blue,
on her wedding night, and, moreover,
wore a silver coin—a Columbian half
dollar—in her shoe. She was showered
with the usual amount of rice when it
came time to get into the carriage and
drive away for the honeymoon trip; and
had old shoes and good wishes enough
sent after her to make the after years
joyous bnes if they all hold good, and,
moreover, when she opens her trank and
traveling bag and the bridegroom opens
his umbrella enough rice will come to
light to make their first rice pudding, and
the shoe strapped on the outside of the
trunk will tell its own tale.
It is strange how much enjoyment one
gets out of such harmless things, but the
custom lasts, and the older it grows the
more rigidly it is adhered to.—Buffalo
News. _
Wliat She Would Do.
Every one has noticed the growing
height of each successive year’s bevy of
debutantes, and the younger generations
promise to be quite as tall if not taller
than their predecessors. “Is it possible
you are only 12?" said a small woman to
a little girl who was more than an inch
taller than herself. "How big you are!”
“Oh, do you think so?" answered the
child, “Why. my friends consider me
quite short. They are nearly all of them
taller than I am.” “Good gracious!” ex-
claimed the little woman in dismay.
"What Brobdingnagians you will all be,
and how will you get partners? If yon
were my child, I would put a brick on
your head!"—Chicago Tribune.
The Great Mistake Columbus Made.
Schoolmaster—Why was it that his
greRt discovery was not properly appre-
ciated until long after Columbus was
dead?
Nineteenth Century Schoolboy—Be-
cause he didn’t advertise, sir.—London
Tit-Bits. _
Natural.
Castleton—I hear you are engaged to
Miss Biggerolle, the girl you went horse-
back with so much last summer. How
on earth did you manage it?
Summit—I couldn't help it. old man.
We were thrown together so much.—
Truth. ___
The highest waves ever met with in
the ocean are said to be those off the
Cape of Good Hope. Under the influ-
ence of a northwesterly gale they have
been known to exceed 40 feet in height.
............ ■■*,.........................—...........—-.....-
Ta Chicago and Bat urn $45.40.
The Southern Pacific company will
sell tlokets to Chicago and return at
r T O’Q Not the man that wrote
JTL XL/ Te-rara-bom-deaye,
■- *■
Mm. He » ni worm either, for he ‘nhl
and the tlokets will be good for return
on the fourth or eleventh day after
date of sale, with ohofoe of routes. For
further information and sleeping car
reservations, call on or address
H. D. Platt, Commercial Agent.
Ask for LA INTERNACIONAL Mex
loan Cigar made by Kohlbeig Bros.
El Paso, Texas.
Low quarter shoes.
All grades,
At two thirds vilue.
W. M. James.
Timber of the tamarisk or shittim
wood, has been found perfectly sound in
the ancient temples of Egypt in connec-
tion with stonework which is known to
be at least 4,000 years old.
The last words of Marie Antoinette
were: “Lord, enlighten and soften the
.Hearts of my executioners, Adieu for-
ever. my dear children: I go to join
your father.”
I wonder why it is we are not all kind-
er than we are. How easily it is done.
How instantaneously it acts. How in-
fallibly it is remembered.—Drummond
PHILOPENA.
We had both of tis said we would rathor
It bo “give or take" philopcno—
Whatever one gave to the other
In any way during that e’en
The other should surely repay,
A gift and a keepsake to be.
She tnuam in good faith I will say.
But I—well, who could have blamed me?
For soon as our compact was sealed
I gave her a kiss on t he cheek—
“Philopena!" I cried, "you must )leld
And pay me another next week."
She had promised: she knew she was
caught.
And the bright color mantled her brow.
And she said, "1 will pay if I ought.
But—let if, be over with—now!”
—Abhle F. Brown in Yankee Blade.
T) T T >nr\ He’s the man that sells more goods, and batter goods,
I > CJ JL than »ny other firm in Ciudad Juarez.
WHO? J- GOODMAN, Proprietor of
THE PORT of LIVERPOOL
Stetson and Knox stiff bats at
R. O. Lightbody’s.
A Rare Opportunity.
Is offered by the “Santa Fe route” to
visit Las Vegas Hot Springs through
their having arranged to run a special
Pullman oar on train leaving El Paso
Sunday at 10:20 a. m, which runs
through to the Hot Springs, reaching
there at 9:35 a. m. Monday, where it re-
mains until 12:15 p. m. and is then
picked up and run through to Kansas
City on the Chicago limited. ,
This arrangement allows passengers
for Kansas City or Chicago to stop at
the Hot Springs three hours, and reach
either of these pointB only one hoar
behind the regular train on which they
leave El Paso.
For further particulars and informa-
tion call upon or address
W. R..Browne, O. H. Morehouse,
-'^fjfty Ticket Agt D. F. & P. A.
Kctclscri & Degetau
j El Paso, Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua, Cusihuiriaohio.
j f
Wholesale Dealers in
Dry Goods, Hardware, Groceries, Agricultural Impli-
ments, Mining Supplies, Etc.
Agents for—California Powder Company.
“ Peter Sohuttler Wagons,
“ New Home Sewing Machines.
Commission and Forwarding Merchants.
Agents for Banco Nacional do Mexico. Exchange of Monel
and Drafts on all Principal Cities of Mexico._
A.re Yon In Need Of
Engineers leather coats and caps at
R. C. Lightbudy’s,
The “El Paao Route” Again to the Front.
Commencing August 1st, the Texas
and Paoifio will sell thirty day tickets
from El Paso to Chicago and return at
the low rate of $47.40. For further In-
formation call on or address,
B.,F. Darbyshire,
General agent in Sheldon Block, El
Paso Texas.
Rubber coats
“ shoes
Slickers and umbrelas at
_R. C. Lightbody’s.
“A Cutting Affray,”
Commencing August 1st the South-
ern Paoifio company will sell tickets to
Chicago and return for $47.40 with
limit of thirty days. For further in-
formation and Pullman reservation
oall on or address,
H. D. Platt)
Commercial Agent.
TP
Printing
Blarjk Books
V
Lithographing;
i
%
Firje Stationery.
Printers’ supplies ?
ffil Paso Rente. Is it Best
She cheapest Price is quoted to you? When you
ire sick and need a doctor do yon send out to secure
prices of different physicians and employ the
cheapest ?
Che Great Popular Route Between
ft East aid Vest
SHORT LINE TO
New Orleans, Kansas City, St.
Louis* New York and
Washington.
Favorite Line to the North* East
end Southeast.
Pullman Buffet Sleeping Cars
and solid trains from El Paso
to Dallas* Ft. Worth, New
Orleans* Memphis and
St. Louis.
FAST TIME
Of Course Not.
m important matter. When you require a good
lawyer do you get bids and accept the cheapest. ?
Naturally No,*
For this is also
? important. Then
why not order your pi inting on the same princi-
ple. Good Stationery is essential in your business.
Our customers interests are ours. The next time
you need printing send ns vonr order and note the
result, You will find this method
THE CHEAPEST.
SOKE CONNECTION.
f Bn that your tlokets rwd via
Texas and Pacific Railway.
tot maps, time tables, tickets, rates
and all required Information, oall on
or address any of the tioket agents, or
B. F. D ABBYSHIBE,
Owl. Art., El Pho, T.X,
GASTON MESL1EB,
Omi. F. tod T. Art, Drtlu, Tm .
Times Pub. Co.
IN OUR NEW BUILDING,
Corner Oregon and Overland streets
EL PASO TEXAS.
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El Paso International Daily Times (El Paso, Tex.), Vol. 13, No. 186, Ed. 1 Tuesday, August 8, 1893, newspaper, August 8, 1893; El Paso, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth540676/m1/3/: accessed July 8, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Abilene Library Consortium.