The Polk County Enterprise (Livingston, Tex.), Vol. 8, No. 34, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 9, 1912 Page: 3 of 8
This newspaper is part of the collection entitled: Texas Digital Newspaper Program and was provided to The Portal to Texas History by the Livingston Municipal Library.
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We
IF YOB ARE NOT SATISFIED
with your present position, write us today. You owe this much to yourself.
DRAUGHON’S
PRACTICAL
BUSINESS
COLLEGE
HOUSTON, TEXAS
T. M. PARISH, Manager.
COR. PRAIRIE & SAN JACINTO
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MADE SOME GRAVE BLUNDERS
Embezzling Banker Admits He' Over-
looked Missionary Fund and Prop-
erty of Orphan Child.
The embezzling banker’s friends
were congratulating him.
‘‘How in the world did you keep it up
so long without being discovered?”
they asked, breathlessly,
■*“My friends,” came an anguished
voice from the other side of the bars,
“I am unworthy of this laudation. I
lhave been guilty of grave tactical
[blunders. I failed to have myself
elected Sunday school superintendent,
and I did not show myself at prayer
meeting more than once a month. I
could have landed a $700 missionary
fund, but heedlessly I allowed It to
slip through my fingers and go to an-
other.
“Besides, I might have become the
guardian of some poor, dead million-
aire’s child. I am lll-<Jeservlng of your
well-meant, hut misdirected, praise.
My work has been coarse and ama-
teurish, indeed, or *1 could be <ree this
evening to join you in our trl-weekly
poker fest. Woe, woe Is me!”
And they left him weeping bitterly.
—H. M. Silvers, In The Sunday Maga-
zine.
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WARM REBUKE FOR SARCASM
Western Senator Who Made Many En-
emies Was Given Good Advice by
a Friend.
For many years there served In the
.United States senate, from the west,
a man of brilliant mind and fine quali-
ties, but who was forever estranging
many with whom he desired to be
friendly by reason of his incurably sar-
castic manner both of speech and ac-
tion.
Once an Intimate friend wrote the
senator urging the appointment of an-
other friend to a minor position in the
government. The senator returned a
most sarcastic reply, declining to rec-
ommend the appointment. It is said
that he never forgot the merited re-
buke he received from the friend who
had suggested the appointment.
“My Dear Senator: I think it would
be well for you to reserve your sar-
casm for.the rapidly Increasing num-
ber of your enemies, Instead of offer-
ing it to the decreasing number of
your friends, of whom I am one.”
I
Brother Dickey Explains.
"I got no garment ter preach to-
day,” said Brother Dickey. "3>he last
time I pirt ifty pxesence in tfis yer
yer pulpit I preached a garment what
wuz so pdwerfhl hit sent six Sisters
off in a trance, an’ <tey ain’t come to
not yit, causin’ 6e law ter git after me,
kaze dey ain’t conscious enough ter
rise up an’ make a livin’ fer dey hus-
bands. Toftgufes er fire come down
on me at dat time f’um do gjory-ian’,
an’ now some er you Is oncharitable
enough ter sa,y dat de fire orter
scorched me thr a frazzle! Dis is no
time fer a powerful preacher lak’ me!”
—Atlanta Constitution.
Barred From House of Commons.
An Irish peer was expelled for di-
recting a lottery, while for organizing
a “Charitable Association’’ of shady
habits Sir Robert Sutton and two
others were shut out In 1730. Steele
of the Tatler was prohibited the bouse
for “maliciously insinuating that the
Protestant succession in the house of
Hanover is in danger under her maj-
esty’s administration.” But perhaps
the oddest reason for closing the doors
of the house of Commons upon a man
is to he found in the case of Mr. As-
gill, whose sin was that of writing a
treatise "On the Possibility of- Avoid-
ing Death."—London Chronicle.
Primogeniture.
The law of primogeniture sends
back its roots to the most ancient
times. Away back in the patriarchal
ages the flrst-bom son had^t superi-
ority over all his brethren, and in the
absence of his father was in every
Important sense the head of the house.
Upon the death of >the father h* be-
came, by ■ the unwritten law, which
could not be questioned, the priest
and lord of the family, and naturally
to him fell the property as well as the
honors of the household. Primogeni-
ture, wherever It is found today, Is
the lingering remnant of the ancient
custom—a custom which common
sense and justice pronounce to be as
unfair as it is superstitious.
Interestwig Point.
At a spiritualistic meeting in Wichl.
ta the spirit of Elijah Grosser was
called for. Elijah Crosser had died
there many years before,’but was re-
membered few hie immense stature,
six feet five inches. A voice in the
darkness said be ’ was Elijah. “Are
you in heaven?” asked an old-timer.
“Yes,” cam^ the answer. “Are you
an angel, LigeT’ “Yes.” The ques-
tioner pa-used, evidently having ex-
hausted his fund of questions, and
then suddenly inspired: “What do you
measure fronf’tip to tip, Lige?”
Professional Chaperons.
.In a glTls’ fiOtehShg school in New
York they have professional chaperons
who do ndtlrtng but take young wom-
en out, walk them around and fetch
them back a%Wn. They take their
charges to trains and meet them at
trains. They are paid, not by the
week or month, hat by the Job, so
much an asgign&ent. And the curious
thing about it is that they are bonded.
They are actuallV bohded. The girls
themselves have never been able to
find out why they should be bonded.
Mere Details.
A writer was describing a forth-
coming work of his. He spoke most
enthusiastically of the progress he
had made on It.
The idea, he said, was clear in his
mind—clear as crystal. Ali the situa-
tions were sketched out„ everything
that was to happen in each chapter
deckled upon. Why, eveq the titles
of the chapters were written!
Just as he was riding astride the
high-wntor mark of his enthusiasm one
Of those clammy, literal friends that
all men have suddenly remarked:
“I see. You have everything ahout
that novel completed except the writ-
ing and the selling of it.”
Irreverence.
You know how it is when a man
grows fat and the rolls of fat at the
back of his neck are sort of piled one
above the other, until stopped by the
ba3e of his skull. Well, a man with
tho rear of his neck disposed that way
was sitting at the theater one evening
in a seat just in front of one who
isn’t reverent.
Tho latter contemplated the exuber-
ant ..layers of flesh surmounting the
fat man’s collar. Then, pointing to
them, he remarked, sotto voce, to the
companion beside him:
“Look at the plate of buckwheat
cakes!”
We Offer Every Inducement
s» consistent with safe banking
IIif you contemplate opening
If a new bank account or making
| any change at present.
The Absolute Safety
7 v
of our institution, the expe-
! rience of our officers and our
' progressive methods are a
sufficient guarantee that in
placing your account here you
will be assured of the best
service and perfect protection.
THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK
Livingston, Texas.
CAPITAL
$50,000
SURPLUS
$16,000
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The New StandardiMower
The Only
Machine that
the cutter bar on the
drive wheels Instead
/ of dragging
y 11 on the
ground.
GET OUR SPECIAL
MOWER BOOK
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Circuitous Retribution.
“Did you help elect t-fcat man be-
cause of his personal popularity?”
“No,” replied Farmer Corntossel.
"I had my suspicions of him for a
long time and wanted to shove him
along to where the muckrakers could
get a good go at him.”—Washington
Star.
Buy the Mower that’s Easy on
Your Horses
1
Vi eve solved the draft and the handling problems. You can mow all day with
a 4 >4, 5 ft or a 6 ft. New Standard, and It will bo as easy for your horses as
though you were plowing corn and a lot easier for you. It Is absolutely all right. It
is light draft because the weight is carried on the wheels—no neck weight, no side
draft, no sledding of the cutter bar.
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WE WANT TO SEND YOU SOME PROOFS
of New Standard superiority. You ought to know how the New Standard dis-
tributes the strain, about the roller bearings, about the continuous knife-bar
bearing, about how the mower is thrown out of gear when the cutter bar is folded
up, etc. Our hook explains everything. Write for It today, and ask also for
book in which to keep your farm accounts.
Emerson Brantingham Plow Co.
DALLAS, TEXAS.
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Feagin, A. T. The Polk County Enterprise (Livingston, Tex.), Vol. 8, No. 34, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 9, 1912, newspaper, May 9, 1912; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth660122/m1/3/?q=%22%22~1: accessed July 16, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Livingston Municipal Library.