The Boerne Star (Boerne, Tex.), Vol. 105, No. 29, Ed. 1 Tuesday, April 12, 2011 Page: 5 of 14
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TUESDAY, April 12, 2011
The BOERNE Star
PAGE 5
VIEWPOINTS
In times of great fortune
or so the cookie crumbles
Anderson Cooper and I are in
love. Or at least we were for a few
beautiful moments this morning
before I awoke from my dream and
found myself still in bed with the
Breadwinner.
This is most definitely not a harsh
reflection on the relationship that
my husband and I share. I mean,
he knows that if Demi Moore ever
happens to give him that much-
anticipated come-hither, he’s to
scamper her way as quickly as his
aging bones can carry him. And
I figure I’ve got the same leeway
with Anderson Cooper.
I’m not actually expecting any big
changes like that to come into my
life, but you wouldn’t know it from
the stack of fortunes that’ve been
accumulating on my desk. I found
some wonderful fortune cookies
OFF THE MAIN
A Elena Tucker
and for the most part they’ve pro-
vided me with real fortunes instead
of limp, insipid proverbs.
Since such fortunes are hard
to come by, I’ve been amassing
something of a kismet collection.
“Someone’s kindness will sur-
prise and delight you,” prophesies
one. “YOUR LIFE WILL BE
PROSPEROUS,” declares another
in convincing, all-caps type.
OK, I’ll confess, some of these
“fortunes” are, in fact, frothy,
vacuous expressions of meaning- off to a new start. Come out of your
lessness. “Great thoughts come shell.” “Do not let your instincts run
from your heart” would be a good right over your reason.” “Beware
example of that, as are “Counting of an offer that sounds too good
time is not as important as making to be true.” “Be assertive and you
your time count” and “To reach will win.” “Express yourself. Do
distant places, you have to take the something creative.”
first step.” But in the end, most of my for-
Not that I disagree with these tunes really are honest-to-gosh,
trite phrases - they’re true insofar true-enough-to-be-scary divina-
as I’m able to tell. But that’s just tions. By pulling the fortune out
the problem: they don’t in any way of each barely-sweet, half-moon
go out on a limb. cookie I’ve actually received
Some of these fortunes - while some specific foretellings, explicit
tending more toward the predic- inklings of things to come.
five than the ones I’ve already “A financial investment will
mentioned - are really more the yield returns beyond your hopes,”
sort of cautionary advice that Mr. prophesies one. “Fame is in your
Miyagi might have given Young future,” claims another, along
Grasshopper. with “Luck will visit you on the
“Control appetite. Over-indul-
gence clogs mind and body.” “Get i--
next full moon” and “Your talents
will be recognized and suitably
rewarded.”
All of which sounds as though
my life is headed nowhere but
toward a fast, flying upswing. And
my reaction to that is, “Hand it
over. I’m ready.” Money, fame,
luck and rewards I can definitely
handle.
Some of the fortunes, though,
point directly to my future with
Anderson Cooper. “Accept the next
proposition you receive,” says one
fortune that clearly refers to Andy.
“You will be happily surprised by a
long time friend” - well Anderson
Cooper and I would certainly be
long time friends if we could just
meet up.
But the fortune that clinches it
is this one: “A short stranger will
soon enter your life.” This was
the real convincer. Anderson Coo-
per’s just five foot, ten, which isn’t
exactly tall, is it?
Nevermind that the man’s often
reported to be gay. I mean, who
can trust the media anyway? Not
when I’ve got a precious little
pink-inked strip of white paper to
tell me otherwise.
I'm not exactly expecting any big
changes to transform my life, but
you never know.
Given my dream, given my for-
tune, it’s pretty clear that a future
with Anderson Cooper may be
in the cards. Or at least in the
cookies.
The King’s Birthday
STICKS & STONES
Did you know we have a king?
No? Well listen. A king can have
you put to death without a trial.
A king can send his nation into
war with the stroke of a pen.
A king can spend huge amounts
of money, create bureaucracies,
authorize regulations that in a true
republic would first have to be van with a midwife in attendance
passed into law. and nobody bothered to notify the
These are just a few things a authorities.
king can and has done. Our king I think this would be the most
has done. It does not take much likely explanation except for the
research, possibly none, for you fact that a reporter was apparently
toprove this. standing by and called it in to the
Last week Donald Trump was on newspaper.
national television trumpeting his Actually, I have another
doubts that our king is an Ameri- unproved, and heretofore unpub-
can citizen. He may be serious fished, theory to explain the king’s
or he may only be using this as a hazy background that will do away
means of getting some quick atten- with all the bizarre explanations,
lion, but it does not really matter. But first a little background to put
Our king believes in a new world it into context.
order and so, as such, does it mat- if you are old enough to have
ter whether he is a citizen or not? been taught history in school
I have no knowlege on the sub- you will remember that in 1488
ject, but I could point out that the English Navy defeated the
the Coach, who is older than the Spanish Armada. Many of the
king, was born in Hawaii and surviving Spanish ships fled
has a perfectly good birth certifi- northward through the English
cate, proving that way back then Channel and attempted to return
Hawaii had a functioning health safely home by rounding Scotland
department which recorded and and Ireland and thus avoid the
Ed Davis
but quite a few lived, took up resi-
dence and married Irish women.
As you know, the Spanish com-
plection is dark, and many of
the sailors were descendants of
Moors, who occupied the Ibe-
rian peninsula for several hundred
years, all of which led to a sub-
group known as black Irish.
You have probably heard the
expression.
So, here I depart from recorded
history and speculate on a theory
which may explain the paucity of
the king’s certificate. It may well
be that he came from the family
O’Bama and was named Brack
in honor /of that Saint Bratrick
you hear so much about when the
subject of snakes comes up.
Later, when the O’Bamas emi-
grated, Irishmen were somewhat
in disfavor. Many businesses had
signs in the window saying NINA
(No Irish Need Apply), so it seems
reasonable they would anglicize
the name to Barack Obama.
The baby in Hawaii probably
died and it is even possible the
O’Bamas read the newspaper from
Honolulu that day, somewhere
on a street corner in Chicago.
Stranger things have happened.
issued birth certificates. English. So, if this passes the censor and
Now it is true that she was born Many, however, sank off the you want to co-author a book with
in the Kapoliani Lying-in Hospital Irish coast or were forced to land me called the Search for the Real
where records were certainly kept, because of storms. Most of the , O’Bama, let me know, particu-
1 and it is possible he was born in a survivors were killed by the Irish," larly if there is money involved.
It happens every spring ... batter up!
“Never let the fear of striking out
get in your way.”
- Babe Ruth
BREATH OF FRESH AIR
WATER WATCH
Cow Creek Groundwater Conservation District
COMFORT TEST WELL
feet
STAGE 3 DROUGHT RESTRICTIONS IN EFFECT
FOR MORE INFORMATION,
VISIT WWW.CCGCD.ORG
This is the greatest time of the
year - for me, anyway. Oh, let me
explain. You see, I’m a ball - a
baseball, to be exact.
“So what’s so great about being a
baseball?” you ask.
Let me explain. Put down your
bat, snuggle me up in your glove,
grab a chew (preferably gum),
hitch up your pants, scratch your
butt and listen up.
Let me explain to you the joys of
being a baseball. We’re generally
a big hit! (Get it?) Well, actually,
most of the time we aren’t (a hit,
that is). You see, it’s every base-
ball’s dream to become a homerun
baseball, but only a few of us ever
achieved that dream.
To be sure, many of us have
become base hits, grounders and
high-flying foul balls. Others of
us have been popped up, bunted or
sliced into the backstop. Those are
the lucky ones, because for every
baseball that gets hit, most batters
miss up completely!
There are some pitchers who
handle us better than others by
making our movements appear
deceptive. However, it’s really up
to the batter to determine our ulti-
mate status.
I’m one of the lucky balls because
I’ve been around for quite a while
and have never lost my cover - or
my stitches, for that matter.
Ken
Nietenhoefer
During my long tenure, I’ve con-
cluded that there are basically three
types of batters.
The first type of batter is the Pro-
crastinator. I love to whiz by this
dude. From the second I leave the
pitcher’s hand, I can begin to read
the indecision in this batter’s eyes.
He’s not sure how to handle me
and by the time he’s decided what
to do, I’m already snuggled up in
the catcher’s mitt.
Just like the human procrastinators
whom you might know personally,
this batter either attempts to be per-
fect before he ever takes any action
or he simply allows inertia to rule
him and prevent any change from
the status quo.
You can spot him a mile away.
He’s the one who thinks he knows
everything better than anyone else
and doesn’t mind telling you about
it all of the time! Unfortunately, he
never takes any meaningful action,
but simply makes a lot of meaning-
less noise.
The second type of batter is the
Mad Swinger. He’s a sucker for
anything that’s thrown at him. He
strikes out, not only in baseball,
but in everyday life as well.
He has failed to study, practice,
listen or learn. You can spot him
immediately, and it’s fun to observe
him desperately fan the air.
He’s the dude who doesn’t stand
for anything so he’ll fall for any-
thing. He’s the kind of guy who
probably even believes everything
that politicians promise him.
The third type of batter is the
Focused batter. He brings excite-
ment to the game of baseball and
to the game of life. He’s the dude
you read about, admire and kids
adore.
On my way from the mound to
the plate, I can immediately see
the steady, determined, meaningful
look in his eyes.
He has set his goals, practiced
hard and is focused on the results.
He has learned to depend on him-
self and loathes those who have
their hands out waiting for some-
one else to take care of them.
He employs “self-visualization”
and can already see himself as
a success. This kind of person
is fun to play with, work with
and be with. He is confident and
self-sufficient - not some whiney,
obnoxious reprobate.
The Focused player, in baseball,
as well as in fife, knows who he is,
what he wants and how to go about
getting it. Obstacles are only minor
distractions. Problems exist so that
he can solve them. Setbacks serve
merely as learning opportunities.
I’m on the way. I see the look in
his eyes. Wow! What a hit! I’ve
just become a homerun ball!
The Benedictine Sisters wish to thank ALL of the
wonderful volunteers and the following event
sponsors. Together you helped make the
2011 Feast of St. Benedict
Spaghetti Dinner & Silent Auction a Great Success!
ROMA
The John G. and Marie Stella Kenedy
Memorial Foundation
VENEZIA
C. H. Guenther & Son, Inc.
Dr. and Mrs. Edward Benson -
Rittimann Plumbing, Inc.
St. Matthew Catholic Church
St. Peter’s Knights of Columbus Council No. 10940
NAPOLI
Bob and Anna Elizondo Read All About It Bookstore
Casias Construction, LLC Ronald Wilburn
Fred and Mary Lou Valentino Service Uniform Rental
FRIENDS OF THE BENEDICTINES
Aloys & Gertrude Mika
Anita Branch
Barbara Ballard
Bear Moon Bakery
Benedictine Oblates
Boerne Dental Center
Bonnie Priest
The Boerne Star
The Cart Barn of Texas
Cavender Chevrolet
Cow Creek Taxidermy
Doug & Mary Earle
Flagstop Cafe
The Flower Shop
Frances Sandera
Marilyn McLean
Mark Lambert
Gerald & Lady Ellen Clark Mayfield Paper Company
Hallelujah Jewels
HEB Boerne
James Chittim
Jerry & Pam Schmidt
Joan Goble
Katherine O’Hanlon
Kiolbassa Provision, Inc.
Kona Grill
Lea Kochanek
The Learning Zone
McRae Medical Laser Spa
Mike & Donna Brady
Plaza Package Store
The Sisters’ Attic
Solange Designs
Starbucks Boerne
Stewart & Phyllis Allen
SYSCO San Antonio
Walmart Boerne
Special thanks to Musicians, Robert Atwood and John McDonald
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Cartwright, Brian & Velvin, Candace E. The Boerne Star (Boerne, Tex.), Vol. 105, No. 29, Ed. 1 Tuesday, April 12, 2011, newspaper, April 12, 2011; Boerne, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1667548/m1/5/?q=Lamar+University: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Patrick Heath Public Library.