The Mineola Monitor (Mineola, Tex.), Vol. 12, No. 9, Ed. 1 Saturday, November 24, 1888 Page: 3 of 8
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AN ESSAY ON "JIM JAMS."
I'aiittW' a Til lit Threaten tile Home
Article Irom rorelun llruln-Itat-
tlera.
Tlio reprehensible effrontery with
which Messrs. Tarke & Pilford have
..^inserted in a conspicuous window of
their uptown atore a placard brazenly
announcing that a case of "New Dun-
dee Jams" tuny be obtained within
^ommends itself to the Soc ety for the
Suppression of V ce. The American
variety of jams has hitherto been cou-
considered satisfactory, and the intro-
duction of a foreign species may justly
be esteemed not only superfluous but
direotly injurious to the home product.
The uproarious and op idiau malady
following too liberal an application of
American red paint to the excited
human interior is too well known to
need description. The attack is us-
ually ushered in by a large troop of
powerful blue monkeys with a dark,
spinal blush, who may be observed by
the patient sitting at the font of the
bed and watching for the pea-green
mice and moire antique spiders which
are sure to appear a few ui nutes later.
Sometimes, in light attacks, a corn
colored alligator and one or more light
red cuttlelish assist in soothing tlio
patient by lying ou his abdomen and
defending him against the magenta
• baboons and solftrino liiards which
may be expected to enter the room at
any moment. Ruts and tarantulas are
not seen in great numbers except
during the more severe paroxysms,
and beyond yelling at intervals not
exceeding three minutes, and be ng
disposed to throw his uurse out of the
window every half hour, the sufferer
is as tranquil and peaceable as could
v) be wished until tho crisis of the dis-
i ease comes.
One of the chief charms of American
jams to the patriot, asido from the
rapidity and ease with which it could
be acqu red, hus been the fact that it
was the direct result of patron zing
home products, and stimulated trade
simultaneous)v with the subsequent
sufferer. Besides, although a judicious
mixture of various coreal decoctions
has been known to impart a superb
brilliancy to the visions, it is onlv real-
ly necessary to adhere to anyone form
of Jersey or Albany beverage in order
to produce the w shod-for result.
• In the Broadwav windows contain-
ing the placard above referred to are
the ingredients necessary to impart to
a desirous citizen this "New Dundee
Jams," viz:
Chow-chow pickles 4 bottles.
M rasciiioo 1 bottle.
Vermouth & buttles.
Kuminel I pint.
ISllitou cheese !i pounds.
Hrundletl peaches 1 quart.
Old Tom gin a quarts.
Henuess; brandy, ltiBO 1 quint.
Sardines a duzeu boxes.
Champagne I ease.
Devilled bnui 4 bnxes.
Macaroni 1 box.
Scotch whisky .' 2 quarts.
Cuban cigars ltiO
Absiulhe a quarts.
Any old and experienced phvsic'an
can seo at a glance what n combination
of the above chemicals will do. Be-
ik ginning with the maraschino and pick-
' les, taking vormouth and cheese as a
second course, making the i inee de
resistance the braudied peaches soaked
in gin, devilled ham flavored with
Hennessy and sardiries swimming in
kummel, and finishing off with the
macaroni and campagne before tack-
ling the absinthe, Cuban cigars and
Scotch whisky, would-.make even an
anarchist's hair curl, and in view of
Ihu requirements of an intellectual
campaign that the citizens shall keep
their heads as level as possible, these
necessaries to "New Dundee Jams"
should be kepi under lock and key tit
least till after election.—H. G. D., in
Aeiv York World.
I
V
1h) Cow Enjoyed It.
Edward Guy is an artist of some
note who lives in Mt. Vernon, and ho
is highly esteemed for thoroughness of
system, his entertaining: and merry dis-
pos tion.and his capability for tolling a
good story. His specially in painting
is landscape, but if one should ask him
his opinion of pastoral studies a scowl
would steal over h s face for a mo-
ment, to bo followed by a smile and
an acknowledgment that "It was my
fault."
Mr. Gay, a few days ago, took up
his easel, a piece of canvas stretched
upon a frame, a palette, his brushes
and oils, and wenl to a large nnd
beautiful meadow not 8U0 foot from
his house, and took up a position un-
der a largo apple tree. Ho had sketch-
ed the outline of the pretty picture bo-
l'ore him, had put on the groundwork
and had brushed in a part of the grass
on his canvas when lunchoon time
came. The skv was cloudless, lioncc
there was no four of a tornado, nnd as
it was too late in tlio your for a thun-
der storm, he concluded that his appa-
ratus wuold bo snfo enough where they
were, but it was a luckless conclusion.
When lie returned from luncheon a
great Ayrshire cow stood under tho
tree with both feet planted ou tlio can-
vas. She had licked off all of the paint
representing the green meadow, lind
chewed the leather-seated stool, and
was about swallowing a long leather
strap with which Mr. Gay bundled
everything together. When tin artist
attempted to protest against this wan-
ton assumption of a strange cow sho
became belligerent A. friend asked
Mr. Gay if his painting of the mead-
ow was so naturalthat the cow mis-
took it for green grass.
"Well,I learned that the cow had be-
longed to an Irishman," he replied
laughingly, "and was brought up from
a calf on the things thrown out from
tho house. In fact, I came to the con-
clusion that she would eat almost any-
thing."—New York Tribune.
A Double Hit.
"Well, good-bye," said ono as she
finally turned to go.
"Well, if yon must go, good-bye,"
replied tho other.
"Shostnuls!" called tho Italan who
Keeps.the stand on the corner.
Both women hulled ami looked back
at him in surprise and indignation.and
t is not unlikely that ho has boon over-
hauled by one of their husbands ere
ihi*—Detroit Free Ires.
TRUE LOVE REWARDED. A Ucxicuu on a Mountain
„ . "Does he know bow picturesque he
How ■ Ivauens rariuer Wooed and
Won a i-retty Yai.uee lo"k8!' Gltrti,a wondered. She was
A correspondent of tbe New York '"elined to give a man credit for van-
Sun, writing from Sbelton, Con., says '>;• or uny oll,er llu,e ""iosyncrasy he
that among the many pretty girls who ' ,M'ght possess—Miss Waldo was. A
assist in makiug pins in the Howe pin j'on£ season of serai-invalid ism, iiad
factory in that village was Miss Carrie I everybody a sort of ood-liver oil
F. Daines. One day several years ago, j "llV0r t0 ',er slightly morbid taste.
Miss Daines, in a spirit of mischief, , J°se Mascarcl did not know that be
joined with other girls in writting their'""'S1'1 llttVe Posed successfully for a
names aud addresses on tlio papers up- j charming bit of south country life. He
on which pins are stuck. Some six ] 'snew' °' course,
months after Miss Daines received a '80lne
that he was hand-
and that the WHter be drank
letter from a farmer in Kansas. Ho
asked Miss Daines to correspond with
him. Miss Dainos flatly refused. She
was satisfied with her lot. There were
from Juan Sepulvada's olla was cool
and clear. The water jug hung in a
huge popper tree and the fern-I ke
foliage, with its feathery blossoms
plenty of young men in her oircle of drooped nearly to the ground, framing
society, and when her limo came, if Joso in a green arbor, through which
ever it did, she would marry some one ! the sun glinted. Jose s skirt was
she knew. But Mr. I'illsbury possessed stiowy white and the vivid scarlet and
the grit of most Western men. and
soon after her refusal to opeu a corre-
spondence Mr. Pllisbury appeared in
Siieltou. He brought with him creden-
tials as to his respectability and stand-
ing, sought an introduction to Miss
Daines, and, after a brief courtship, be
yellow handkerchief knotted loosely
around his throat, gave a richer color-
ing to bis swarlhy cheek. A wide
sombrero covered bis back hair but
did not hide the Hashing glances, the
dark eyes casi toward Gurciu's ham-
mock. * The hand that held the gourd
asked her to marry him. Miss Dams,*'*8 «"• shapely, and there was
liked the young man, but she was in his salute all the grace of the Spau-
not in love with him. and so refused cavalier, whose bine blood, nnich
the good offer the Kansas fanner | flowed in his veins. Miss
made her.
Disheartened, Mr. I'illsbury went
home. It a few months lie met another
Connecticut girl, and finally married
her. The marriage was a happy one.
but after a few months the bride died,
and Mr. Fillsbury was more determin-
ed than ever to get his first love, the
pretty Sbelton pin-maker. He wrote
to hor again, telling her of his loss,
and asked hor to correspond with him.
She again refused, but her refusal was
wordod in so sympathetic a manner
that he became more than ever deter-
mined.
He accordingly came to Shcllon
again and, nothing daunted, began a
most persistent wooing. At first ho
mot with no encouragement but Ins
earnestness and devotion began to
thaw out the heart of I he Yankee lass,
and after a time Mr. Fdlsbury's pluck
won her consent.
A few days ago Rev. J. G. Ditmnrs.
pastor of the Baptist church, united
the presistcnl Fillsbury to his sweet-
heart and tliov have gone to their far
Western home.
Nino Perpendicular Lines Floored the
hotel SI a n*
It is not often that Henry N. Willey,
the polite clerk at tlio Grand Pacific,
is non-plusscd by any gag or trick per-
petrated by tho would-be-funny guests
that quarter themselves at this popu-
lar hotel, but one evening be was com-
pelled to own up beaten. A serious-
looking ind vidual, one who. it would
seem, did not even know the nature of
a joke, came in with satchel and um-
brella, and taking the pen the ever-
ready Willey always hands with a bo w
aud a smile, thiit twists his blonde
mustache into acrobatic contortions,
he made nine perpendicular dashes on
the register. It may be said right
here that Mr. Willey has (be reputa-
tion of knowing everybody, but it is
only his cunning that hus earned it for
him. He always watches a man regis-
tering, and has accustomed himself to
reading letters upside down, so that
when he catchos the first few letters of
a man's name he guesses at the rest,
and when the guest has finished writ-
ing and looks up Mr. Willey at once
calls him by his natno, though he ap-
pears to bo looking at anything else
than tho book. In Lhis way it makes
no difference if a man comes there for
the first time in his life. Mr, Willey
will surprise him by putting out Irs
hand and calling the proper nsmo.
On the occasion in question, Mr. Wil-
ley was done up; lie bad never seen
the man before and lie could not make
anything out of the straight lines.
With his pet flourish lie swung the
register around and said: "What
pneo roointdo you want Mr. , Mr.
P By the way, what do those lines
mean, and say? Might I ask your
namcP" "Oh, excuse me," said the
stranger, I ncglccted to finish my
signature." and, taking up a pen,
made a horizontal dash at about the
middle and iu between the first three
pair of uprights, when the signature
read, "H. H. Hill." Mr. Willey own-
that for ouce ho was beaten. — ( hicngo
Tiibune
"Robert Elgmere."
Tho power of the book lies in its
masterful handling of tho urgent re-
ligious problems of our generation.
But we have not here that which most j she' termed tho widow's
Waldo Hushed a little under that grand-
iloquent bow. Guiltily? Perhaps. She
had spent more hours than sho liked
to remember, lounging ou the wide
gallery, or swayiug lazily in tho ham-
mock, strung up in tbe blue gums;
listening through tho drifting, sunny
days to the love tales of old Spain,
retold with many embellishments by
this young romancer, who hud never
.journeyed a hundred miles from bis
: mountain home.
Jose's bee ranch "up the canyon did
not occupy much of his tirao, and while
bis many-legged servants buzzed aud
labored, be brought out his choicest
store of sweet sayings for Gracia's de-
lectation.
Years ago, before Miss Waldo's blue
eyes had looked very far into life's
mysteries, both her parents had died
of consumption. The care of the little
girl had fallen on her father's eldest
sister, who was in a constant worry
lest Gracia should suffer the same fate.
They had come from their eastern
home in search of health to the little
foothill village, nestled in the shadow
of the Sierra Mad res. Here nature
ran riot in glorious profusion and sky
and earth were alike brilliant in bright-
est hues. Gracia hail been so tired of
her colorless life and colerless sur-
roundings; the gray sky; tho snow
covered earth; her aunts paleness of
age, nDd her own dimmed beauty, that
she refuses to return home, although
the October days w.th their wealth of
fruit had come again, nnd her health
was almost entirely restored.
Miss Waldo's aunt did not take kind-
ly to tbe gallant Jose, and his occa-
sional performances upon tho mandolin
she utterly disapproved. She came to
the door on the afternoon in question
with evident depreciation of the pretty
tableau.
'•Have you written to Stephen to-
day?'' she demaudud, and Gt-acia came
out from the ruins of Alhamlira, where
sho had been wandering iu imagina-
tion, and recognized the hostile gleam
of her aunt's spectacles.
Jose departed with alacrity, and
Gracia prepared uuwilliugly to enter
tbe house.
"When an unpleasant fact is 3.000
miles away," she grumbled, "it is very
disagreeable to be reminded of it."
She foil to wondering how SLephcu
Would look in a son^brcro and a red
mufllir. Sho shuddered at the
thought.
"Fancy him at a bull-fight or with
a guitar tied ou with rod and yellow
ribbous. O, dear! why is his hair
such a palo brown and his mustache
so feeble. What a very unpleasant
height six feet throe is for a man."
At any rate she was glad she had
ouly partly promised to marry him.
How could a girl threatened with tu-
bercles? She took a last look at the
mountains. How Garcia loved those
mountain^. When their highost peaks
caught the lirst smile of the morn ng;
when sun and shade Hashed at noon-
day over their brown sides; when the
suii said "good night," aud hid them
in it soft purple haze; when the "clouds
came down to rest" and shrouded
them in green mist; ever changing,
yet always the same, Garcia loved
them and had dreamed dreams of the
happy time when site should explore
those hidden canyons.
At a hotel down tho street, a lively
widow and her sister boarded. Garcia
considered them charming acquaint-
ances, but Iter aunt hold them mi cold
displeasure, mostly on account of what
flirty" ways;
There whs h great coiumot on among
men and beasts, smelling salts were
uncorked and Garcia opened her eyes
to Hud herself upon terra iiriuu, shelt-
ered by a big grease-wood bush. No
persuasion could induce her to re-
mount, but at her oarnest request the
rest of the party coutinued their up-
ward journey, leaving ber at her
present retreat for the few hours that
would Intervene before their return
home. Garcia gave a long sigh of relief
as a bend in tbe trail hid them from
view, and.she wus left alone. The day
was perfoct, aud she reveled in bet-
independence and the glorious view
before ber. Far down the ravine she
heard the music of a hidden stream.
Tall yuccas, with their masses of snowy
bloom, might stand for white-robed
specter wives of dead mountain giants,
with whom Tlior tried his feats of skill.
She laughed aloud at a merry mocking-
bird bubbling over with song mimick-
ing tbe sweet notes and shrill oalls of
peoplo would have cxpected in a tale
which was to picture the doubt of tho
nineteenth century, the controversy
falsely called the conflict between sci-
once and religion. Christianity, as
one among tho religious earth, is a
historical religion. It is a system
which stands or falls with tho historic
value of its records. The real chal-
lenge of Christianity is not science
which is not armed for any conflict
with an historic religion, but literary
criticism which rides boldly up to the
shield of ecclesiastieism and rings the
bell with the thrust of its spear.
Elsmere's critical studies satisfy him
that the records of original Christian-
ity are not the documents which they
have been assumed to be in the tradi-
tional theory concerning them. The
traditional church could not stand
when the traditional bible Was with*
drawn. An Infallible church cannot
rest on fallible documonts. He dis-
covers that criticism while disentegrat-
ing his traditional Christianity has not
touched the religion which lay deep
beneath it.—Rev. Heber Newton.
A Stingy Man.
The stingiest doctor in town lives in
the west end. His son, a brilliant
small boy, wont into a drug store the
other day and asked for salvo for a sore
hand and a glass of soda water.
"Why don't your father treat you?"
said ihe clerk, handing out the salve.
"Treat meP" replied the bov in scorn-
ful tones, "IIo never treated any body
,n his life.'' — Washington Post.
but sho had boen beguiled into promis-
ing, in a moment of weakness, that
somctimo Garcia might accompany the
objectionable widow on a mountain
excursion. The aunt never intended
to keep this promise; reconciling It
witli hor conscience that "sometime"
was so vaguo that it might be indefin-
itely postponed, and the journey never
accomplished. Mysterious business
took her to Los Angeles one d y.
This was the widow's opportunity.
She swooped down upon Garcia, and
before the bewildered girl realized the
situation, sho was mounted on a burro,
in company with two ready cavaliers
and tho'widow and ber sister. Their
destination was a tent on the mountain
side, occupied by the employes of an
irrigating company, who wore tumbl-
ing the mountain in search of water.
Garcia had often looked longingly up
to this eyrie abode, which she had lik-
ened to a great white bird, perched
upon the mountain side. They wottnd
slowly upward through sage brush and
cbapperal, pausing occasionally to look
back over the San Gabriel valley, away
to the distant ocean, showing through
a rift in the hills.
Bye- and-byo Garcia felt a strange
and unpleasant qualm, as hor burro
crept gingerly around an unusually
steep precipice. The distant tent look-
ed moro than ever like a bird ready to
take wing, and, O, so far away.
The widow in glancing backward
exclaimed at. hor pale facet
"Ate you going to faint, Miss Wal-
do?
"I think I-atn n; '« > din." Garcia
wb'mpercd.
h a feathered friends, and ending with
the mournful peep of a dripping chick-
en. She kuew Jose's home was in Ihe
canyon uround the other side of the
mountain, and that he sometimes
took tli is trail as a shorter cut
to the town below. What if
he should come this niornng? How
surprised be would be to see her iu
this unexpected place. Would he be
ladP Tho trip had been tiresome and
er present qnarters so comfortable
that her day dreams melted away and
she dozed into sleop. Suddenly she
awoke with the thought thnt tho da\r
had become surprisingly hot She
drew a little farther into her uu-
promptu bower and resumed her cas-
tle building. By ami bye a clumsy
jack rabbit, with his ridiculous oars
drooping forward, lumbered across
the path. A timid little cotton-tail
followed swiftly, with a strange disre-
gard of her presence. The air grew
hotter and hotter. The mocking-bird
hushed his song and flew away. Queer
little lizards, with their halting baste,
darted into the bushes. More rabbits,
with long jumps, passed by and disap-
peared over the mountain. She won-
dered idlv at this strange procession of
heast and reptile, but scrambled hast-
ily up as a horrid toad, with bristling
back and unnecessary tail, nearly rau
across her feet as she rose, the burro
with a loud snort and a mighty
wrench, snapped the ropo with which
he was staked and ran madly up the
trail. She beard a loud crackling
noise and clouds of smoke stifled her.
What could it mean? Bowildered, she
looked down the mountain side. Ah,
God! She knew then. The mountain
was on tire. Tongues of flame darted
from shrub to shrub and licked up the
grass, dried to tiudor by tbe semi-
roplo sun. ^through the rainless months
of summer. With a roar like the tem-
pest, it swept up the mountain. The
dried branches of dead trees, killed by
former fires, caught the blaze, nnd
stood like sentinels of fire in its wake.
Although she know that certain nnd
awful death was coming, terror field
Garcia helpless and sho was again be-
coming unconcious, when she wus
aroused by tho vo'ce of Jose shriekiug
wiidlv.
"Flv, senorita, fly! For the love of
theVirgin, fly!" She could not move,
with fear as "lead upon the feet ot her
most anxious will." The hot breath of
death was scorching her cheek, when
sho feit herself clutched by the arm,
und dragged unceremoniously over
rock and bushes to tlio other side of
the bend. There was no time for
choos ng paths. Jose was certainly
not to blame that his delicate physique
rendered him incapable of giving Iter
belter assistance, but when hor senses
returned, unreasonable indignation
came also. Stephen would novor have
dragged nnd tumbled her down a
mountain with nn utter disregard of
hor foelings and her wardrobe. Sfill
they slipped and stnmbled and the fire
pursued them with dangerous haste.
Another five minutes nnd they would
reacli the canyon, with its expanse of
gravel and water and safety. At this
unfortunate moment Garcia's skirts
caught the projecting limb of n fallen
tree, and brought rescuer and rescued
to n sudden standstill. Garcia digged
lit her skirts and Jose pulled at Gracia
with all his strength, which did not
tend to help mailers. The fire came
noarer and snatched the end of the
tree whose branch held Gareia prison-
er. With a wild shriek Jose 1st go his
hold nnd. plunging downward, loft the
unfortunate girl to her fate. Believed
of the strain tho loosened garments
were easily disentangled and Garcia
followed her cowardly guido, disgusted
even in her peril and thoroughly cured
of hor infatuation. As she reached the
saving gravel she saw a strangely fa-
tu liar figure dashing madly un tho
canyon. It was only a fleeting ginnoo,
A POWERFUL UNION.
OrlKla and MretiKtli of the lirother-
liood of J.ocomotlye Engineer*.
The locomotive engineera were or-
gan zed in Detroit. Mioh.. August 17,
186Sw as the "Brotherhood of the Foot
Board." At Indianapolis, Iud., Au-
gust 17, 1864, it was reorganized as
"The Graud International Brotherhood
o! Locomotive Eng neers." Its objects
are "to combine the interests of loco-
motive engineers, to elevate their char-
acter as men, and to improve • their
efficiency. To be admitted to member-
ship the person must be a "white
male, twenty-one years of age, able to
read and write, ot good moral charac-
ter, temperate habits and a locomotive
engineer in good standing and actually
employed at such occupation and hav-
ing had one year's experience at the
time prepared for membership."
Drunkenness is liable to be punished
with expulsion, and the same penalty
is attached to a member for neglect of
his duty, for injuring the property of
his employers, or who wilfully endan-
gers the lives of persons, while under
the influence of 1 quor or otherwise.
Upon death of a member in good
standing and leaving a family needing
aid, the members are bound to render
relief. There are also sick benefits at-
tached to the organization. The Broth-
erhood seeks to prevent, by ' honor-
able mean*'' tbe hiring of men for
firemen who will not make "respect-
able, competent and intelligent engin-
eers," and "to abolish the classifica-
tion of engineers in vogue upon some
roads." There are 289 local lodgos,
with a membership of 17,000. Tho in-
surance branch lias 4,261 members.
Members arc discouraged from joining
other labor organizations. The or-
gan zation has had few strikes, which
have been mostly successful. The In-
surance feature is operated on the as-
sessment plan, and upou the loss of
hand, limb, arm or eyesight a mem
ber receives $3,000, or in case of death
this sum reverts to tho family. Since
its organization it has paid $1,650,01)0
in insurance, besides distributing $500,
000 to needy members. P. M. Arthur,
as executive officer, receives $5,000
salary per annum—the same salary as
T. V. Powderly as G. M. W. of the
Knights of Labor. Four-fifths of the
engineers in the United States are
members of the Brotherhood.
Words of I ho Women.
The speakers say pat things. Miss
Frances Elizabeth Wlllard, the presi-
dent, used tho word the other day,
saving at the closo of some happy plun
that a delegate had proposed, "That
comes ill very 'pat,'" and then added:
"I suppose wo say 'pal' becausc the
Irishman so often does tbe honest-
boarted, proper thing at just the right
moment" in her talk about better
cooking and housekeeping. Mrs. Kninia
P. Ewing. professor of domestic econ-
omy in Purdue university, Indiama,
told of a dyspeptic man who lied a
wife who passed more time al needle-
work than in learning bow to cook.
One day, in siomachic anguish, be
e,xplnimod: ••Oh! my dear, wlial good
dinners I could have if they were only
crocheted." As the speaker rolled
out tho "crowsbayed," her audience
wenl into a hurrah of applause. Here
are some of Professor Ewing's other
sentences:
"Tbe broom is a splendid gymnasi-
um ui itself."
"There is a terrible aflinitv between
bad bread and sour mash whisky."
"Tlio ignorant cook paves tho path-
way to tho saloon."
• Had food is the motlior of drink."
"Tho average American cook is a
woman just over from tho other side
of the ocean." .
'"Slop coffee is a tremendous tempta-
tion to lager beer."—New York Sun.
m-fli
Old Kaiser Wllheliu Taught Km
•The Cosmopolitan's Memoir*" a
new book just out in Lontlom ooa*
eludes an interesting seriea ol anec-
dotes with the following on* of the
best he has to tell, and makes op (or
much in the book which la lacking
alike in truth, taot and taate, while It
gives a charming picture ot the oM
emperor, whose great love for hla
mother remained ever fresh to tbe end
of his long life: "Is there not some-
thing inexpressibly touching In the
following trait, almost pathetic in its
homely simplicity? The emperor, who
would allow only wax caudles in the
White Hall, because they set off the
beauty and dresses of women belter
than gas, burned oil lamps in his own
apartments. He hud been staylug on
a visit wilh his marshal of the court
Count Stolberg-Wernigerode, and on
bis return to Berlin observed to his
aid-de-csrap a la suite, Count Lehn-
dorff, tliat certainly none of bis lamps
gave half as good a light as other peo-
ple's. He was told the reason of it;
other people burned mineral oil and be
had always refused to do sa Con-
vinced at last, the emperor allowed all
bis lamps to be fitted with new burn-
ers, and when the system of kerosene
was inaugurated one winter day be-
fore dinner he expressed himself vastly
{•leased with tbe experiment But his
oy was short lived, for on returning
to his usual sitting room after the meal
he found it filled wilb a thick, pesti-
lential smoke. Summoning his faith-
ful old valet, Engle, he demanded
what this meant The aid-de-campa
knew perfectly, but they feigned igno-
rance. "Your Majesty," said tbe old
man, "always turns down the lamps
when ho leaves the room, nnd these
newfandangled things won't be turned
low without smoking." "Well, then,"
said the emperor, "let the old burners
be put back again. When we were
very poor," ho added turning to hia
generals, "and 1 was only a little boy,
my mother invariably lowered our
lamp when it was not wanted. 1 have
always done so in remombrance of
her, aud 1 never mean to do anything
else."
COOL IN DANGER.
An Old Tramp Tell* s Blnstular Story
of tlie Lite War,
"Was I in the warP" said the tramp
to one of the young ladios who was
makiug a sketch of his battered ap-
poarance. "Well, I should so remark.
Brave was I? You can bet >our
pretty pictures that sights which would
bavo killed one of >ou gals with hor-
ror only made mu laugh. Lemme tell
you a story to show how dog-go lied
cool I could bo in the face of danger.
"It was just aforo the battle ot
Soven Oaks, an' mo and my company
lav in a small farm-house near a wheat
Hold. It was a scorcher from Scorch-
v.lle. 1 mean the day, not the Ueld.
Tlio thermometer showed 128 In the
shade. The iuen were stretched out
ou the floor, a-pantin' away with their
tongues a-hangin' out of tbeir mouths.
Suddenly a gun went off outside tho
house. A look out tho winder showed
a regiment of rebels who had halted
not a rod away. The danger was ter-
tiblo, but wo would have been all right
if it hadn't beon for mv cussld cool-
ness. Tbe awfuler things got the
cooler 1 was, and finally 1 affected the
air so all hands began to hear their
teeth chntter as if ouch man was being
ducked in ice water.
• Finally, seeing how things were, 1
I tried to get scared, but only got
cooler, ll was no go, cos it wasn't iu
mo; and tho enemy, being attracted
by the noise of tlio chalterin' teeth,
came in and captured tho whole lol;
who were too cold to resist 1 was too
brave, I vim."—Life.
LEMONS AS A MEDIOINE.
A l')iy*tclnti Telln of Pnmn of tlie
(Tuns l.eiuoti Juice Muy bn l'ut To,
"Lemonade is the very best drink I
know toqucnch the thirst, aud bcsi lcs
that it euros any number of minor dis-
orders," remarked a well-known phy-
sician in the lr;at'ing c" a Mail und
Kxprem reporter, "The juice of the
lemon coiilnins a cert a n amount of
cjtr c lie d, which diminishes tlio secre-
tion of gastric juice but increases in a
largo degree the secretions of saliva.
Tlie very thought of a lemon is«ufll-
ciont to mako the mouth water.
. Lemon ju'co drank immediately before
for sho was too terr ficd for reason [ tt nie.,| vvill bo found very advantage'
and flung herself headlong into the 101ls Ilf( n preventative of heartburn
The Uirtcd States is perhaps the great-
est coiisu oer of lemons in tho world.
One hundred thousand boxes of lem-
on" are used every week. Each box
( contains from 300 to .'175 lemons. Now
York is tlio principal point of distribu-
tion. Lemons range in prico accord-
ing to tho condition of tho tempera-
ture. Very often tho prices of lemons
vary moro than the fluctuations of tlie
wheat market. Al the present time
they are commanding $5 a box. Near-
ly all tlio lemons that are sold in tlie
United States are raised on tbe island
of Scicily. Lemons are more used for
medicinal purposes than ever bofore.
believe I am dying
darling Gtir-
little stream. The water gurgled and
splashed and wot her to the skm. Her
hat was lost and her dress was in tat-
ters
• I shall dio of consumption," she
thought "after all this exposeuro.
how s ck 1 feel. I
now."
"Garcia, Garcia, my
cia!"
"Why, Stephen," sho cried, "Is It
really you? Whore did you come
fromP" she asked as he fished her
dripping out of the stream. "1 can-
not boliove it is you."
"It is surely mo,' he assured her, as
he lifted her with lender strength, and
hold her closcly iu his arms. "It
wouldn't be healthy for another follow
to be in mv place. 'Where did I come
fromP' Chicago, of courso, on the 9:40
train. I wnnderod about that wretch-
ed little village, till I was almost stag-
nated and camo up the canyon on an
exploring expedition, to find my fiance
apparently ondeavoring to commit
suicide, "that little Mexican you seem-
ed pursuing hasn't stopped running
yet' (looking after the retreating fig-
ure and noting Garcia's blushes.)
"Wnew! how smoky. That would
have a grand effect at night," ho said,
looking at tho burning mountain.
"Thank God! my darling is safe from
that liory death.',
"O, Stephen," Garcia criod, throw-
ing hor muddy arms around his nock,
with sublime disregard for lirs light
coat, "take mo homo and koop mo al-
wnyj. 1 think it is tho loveliest thing
!u iIm world t'o he so tall and strong."
—./. 7. I'unter, in Detroit Frt-.e I'res*.
The Right Man.
Two men on a railroad train. They
"fall into" a discussion on success in
life.
First Man—"I have never been sue
cessful in anything."
Second Man (exhibiting Increased
Interest)—"What, nothing at all?'
"No, can't do anything!"
"Do you know anything about ma-
chinery?"
"Nothing."
"Do you think that you could learn
anvthing about it?"
"I know I couldn't."
"My dear sir, I want yon. Your
fortune is made, and throughout tlijs
entire country I havo been looking for
you."
"What do you want with me?"
"I wpnt to'tako you to Chicago and
install vou as manager of the North
side cable car system.'' — Arku nuw
lrule i.r.
i'ullo 1 the Hell for Apples.
Said a Brunswick <& Western man:
I recollect an amusing incident A
very vurdant looking kind of fellow
got on tlie train at Albany. He was
solicited by the train boy soveral times
to buy apples, candy, eta, but was ev-
idently loo close-fisted.
He suddenly, however, got it into hie
lioad that he would like to have some
apples, and asked a drummer when
tlio boy would bo around pgaln. The
drummer told him that If he would
Cull tho boll cord it would fetch the
oy. Without a moment's hesitation
hayseed gnvo it two violent jorks. Tbe
train was running full speed, but the
enginoer, hearing the danger signal,
downed brako and came to a full
stop.
1 was at a loss,and so were tbe pae-
songers to account for tlio sudden stop-
page of the train, and rushed forward
to seo the engineer. On my way I
passed through the car in which hav-
seeed was, and he stopped me with,
"Mister, how long will it lie before tho
apple boy is around?" There was a
titter in tho car and I smelt a mouse.
'Who pulled that cord? ' I asked, "I
did," rejoined hayseed; "1 wanted to
call the applo boy."
The joko was out,and I signaled tho
engineer to go onBrunswick (On.)
lireeie. '
A Midshipman's Chest
Each chest costains all tbe worldly
possessions of one officer, which, thus
packed, are as inaccessible aa tbey well
can bo. ImfrMliatoly under the lid
are three or four shallow trays. Ono
of these is fitted as a washstand, with
basin, mug; soap-dish, and reoeptaele
for tooth-brushes. Another till Is a
sort of loose box for everything; while
a third contains a miscellaneous ool*
lection of neckties; handkerchiefs,
fiipes. money, and a limited atoek of
ewolry. Under these tray* and
ed more or less tidily, aocordn
tho tendencies of the marine servaat
who "looks after" each young gentle-
are his uniforms, suits of plain
I pack-
lig to
$1
After this explanation,
readers will not find it (fiffloillt to
clothes, boots, linen, ar.d articles of
haberdas hery,
my
understand wliv tho expression'Wen-
thing on top, and nothing at hand, like
a rniil-hlpmiin's chest." is commonly
nfipl ed to any eh/iutlc disarrangement
on hoard ship. — St. SivholiM•
. i a / j
- If
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The Mineola Monitor (Mineola, Tex.), Vol. 12, No. 9, Ed. 1 Saturday, November 24, 1888, newspaper, November 24, 1888; Mineola, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth254260/m1/3/?q=lumber+does+its+stuff: accessed June 30, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Mineola Memorial Library.