The Gilmer Mirror (Gilmer, Tex.), Vol. 139, No. 19, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 12, 2016 Page: 4 of 18
This newspaper is part of the collection entitled: The Gilmer Mirror and was provided to The Portal to Texas History by the Upshur County Library.
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Page 4A — THE GILMER MIRROR, Gilmer, Texas May 12, 2016
Heard About Town
By Vic Parker
Have we lost our collective mind in this country? A couple
of recent events make me think so. The first... A lunch lady
at a middle school in the Houston area panicked after a stu-
dents tried to pay for her meal with a $2 bill. The lunch lady
notified school officials who called the girl’s mother and told
her the child was under investigation for counterfeiting, a
third degree felony. The intrepid school cop (salary $45,000
a year who probably should not have gotten out of middle
school) then launched a full-scale investigation, locating
the store where the girl’s mother got the bill, and from
there to the issuing bank where it was discovered the bill
was real. The second ... An American Airlines flight from
Philadelphia to Syracuse was delayed more than two hours
recently when a paranoid passenger suspected a professor
sitting next to her writing out math equations was a terror-
ist. She thought the differential equation he was working
on was terroristic scribbling. Sigh
**** ****
A few words about commercials on the idiot box... I don’t
know about you, but I don’t want a car that can brake by
itself, or back itself up, or parallel park, or stop by itself.
There’s even a Mercedes model out that will assist in steer-
ing. I don’t want that either. I see unintended consequences
here. It was bad enough to see a commercial where a
woman’s bladder had facial features and hands it could hold
onto her with as they raced off to a restroom. Now comes a
commercial that features a colon with arms and legs that
can do the same thing. Who thinks up these things?
********
A few more of those imponderables... Why are the benches
where people sit called stands? How do vampires have
such well-kept hair if they can’t see themselves in the mir-
ror? What does a bald person put for hair color on a
driver’s license? If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia,
do you read normally? Why is it called a TV set of you
only get one? Why doesn’t the glue stick to the inside
of the bottle?
********
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was
about time the boy gave some thought to choosing a profes-
sion. Like many young men his age, he didn’t know what
he wanted to do and didn’t seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away, his father decided to try
an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on
his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle
of whiskey and a Playboy magazine. “I’ll just hide behind
the door,” the old man said, “and see which object he picks
up. If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and
what a blessing that would be. If he picks up the dollar, he’s
going to be a businessman, and if he picks up the bottle he’s
going to be a drunken bum. Worst of all, if he picks up that
magazine, he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.” As
the old man waited, the boy entered the room, tossed his
books on the bed, and as he started to leave the room, he
saw the objects on the table. He walked over to the table to
look and picked up the Bible and put it under his arm. He
picked up the silver dollar and dropped it in his pocket. He
then uncorked the bottle and took a big swig while admir-
ing the magazine centerfold. “Lord have mercy,” the old
preacher said. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”
********
Supposedly, these jokes about Barack Obama, got Jay
(See Heard, Page 5)
I Always Travel
with my Best Friend
By MaLu Bradford Beyonce
I miss maps. When I was younger, I always had a map in
my glove compartment. I guess it was common in my family
- my dad’s pick up had one and my mom’s Lincoln was always
equipped with one.
I recently went on a road trip and didn’t bother looking at
the map because like most people, I use GPS.
I have a love hate relationship with GPS. I
wonder if I am the only one that doesn’t truly
trust that robotic voice telling when and where
to turn.
When I was a young’in I was very adven-
turous. Hitting the open road by myself was
common. My parents didn’t like it but knew
they couldn’t stop me. My dad resolved that if I was going to
be zipping around the country, he would at least make sure
I was prepared.
First thing he did was buy me a map. I remember him
unfolding it and telling how important it was that I knew
how to read a map. I will not bore you with all the details but
I passed the final exam by finding the best possible route to
Nebraska. Mind you I have never been to Nebraska nor ever
had intentions of going there.
My map lesson also included road safety tips that I still use
to this day. I just miss actually using the map. Does anyone
else remember that gas stations used to have a map on the
wall for people to look at?
On my recent trip I had to stop in Lubbock then go to El
Paso. I have never taken that route. I had no clue what highway
I would be on from Lubbock to El Paso. I was shocked when
I ended up in Hobbs, New Mexico. Had I looked at the map, I
would have known this.
I was happy my family in Hobbs made time for me with
literally only 10 minutes notice. They were shocked to know
I was there. I will admit GPS hardly ever lets me down but
because it is so savvy, I almost missed seeing my family.
I love how GPS tells me exactly what time to the minute I
will arrive at my destination. However, what would I have done
had my GPS stopped working? I would have been stranded
and not known where to go.
Before my next road trip, I will have a good old fashion map.
I can’t wait to teach my children how to use one. I also can’t
wait to share some of my dad’s tried and true safety trips as
well. Some of them are pretty basic like always stop at a large
gas station where there are a lot of people.
I think one of the best pieces of advice he gave me when
it came to being on the road alone was not to be afraid. He
explained if someone talks to you, speak back. If they ask
you if you are alone you always say no I have my best friend,
colt 45, with me.
So if you see me on the road alone, know I am never alone
and from here on out, I will have a map with me.
© 2016, MaLu Bradford Beyonce, All Rights Reserved.
You may reach MaLu Bradford Beyonce at malubeyonce@
gmail.com.
DAVID GRIFFITH
shows two
.50-caliber rifles
he was using in
competitions five
years ago. In
July, 2011, the
Gilmer attorney
took over as
president of the
Fifty Caliber
Shooters Asso-
ciation. This
photo was on
the front page of
The Mirror on
May 7, 2011.
(Mirror photo by
Mac Overton)
Fun Times in the Courtroom
By Jim “Pappy” Moore
While trying cases and oth-
erwise appearing in court is
serious business, one should
seldom pass up an opportu-
nity to have a humorous mo-
ment. Years
ago, an attor-
ney from our
office asked
me to cover
a hearing for
him in the dis-
trict court. I
appeared as
counsel for the plaintiff when
the case was called and the
court reporter asked me, “Mr.
Moore, are you acting as attor-
ney for the plaintiff?” I replied
“Yes, but I’m not acting; I re-
ally am an attorney.”
Once I was involved in a
case in which there were a
half-dozen parties and more
than a half-dozen attorneys
representing said parties. The
hearings on every little matter
would drone on and on. The
judge would allow attorneys to
prattle endlessly, and most of
it was repetitive of the plead-
ings each attorney had already
filed. Bored to tears, I came up
with a notion which made the
time more palatable. I started
imagining each attorney in
the proceeding and the judge
as dressed in 16th century
English garb suitable for King
Henry VIII’s court.
Nothing is quite as amus-
ing as seeing a witness get
the best of an attorney cross
examining him. In a real es-
tate trial, a cross examining
attorney was trying to get an
opposing witness to commit
to a narrow time frame of an
event. The attorney wished
to tie the witness down as
tightly as possible, and per-
haps pressure the witness into
saying something erroneous.
He asked the witness when
a particular event occurred.
The witness replied that the
event “happened in spring of
1981.” The cross examining
attorney dug further: “Can
you be more specific?” “Yes,”
the witness replied. “It was
between March 20 and June
21.” The attorney continued
“What’s that?” The witness
replied “That’s spring.”
In one particularly gnarly
case in which the judge was
a little too cozy with the law
firm representing the other
side, I had a judge rule against
my client on the opposing
party’s motion for summary
judgment. I knew a ruling for
the other party on the motion
would be erroneous. When
the judge indicated he would
grant the motion, I stated to
the court “Your honor, if you
grant the summary judgment
it will be error.” “Well,” the
judge replied, “to err is hu-
man.” I responded “and to
reverse is divine.” We did get
the case reversed on appeal, as
I had predicted, for the error
the court had committed.
An irascible old attorney
who taught me a few things
when I was much younger
took me with him to a court
hearing before a federal judge
who did not care for my bom-
bastic senior partner’s ten-
dency toward excess. Once in
a hearing about a governmen-
tal matter, the old attorney
started into his pitch about
why our client should prevail.
“Just a minute, Mr. Ross, ” said
the judge. “Please start at the
beginning.” Without pausing,
Mr. Ross replied “In the begin-
ning, God created the heavens
and the earth.” That got him
a further rebuke.
Not every attorney knows
how to ask a question, and
sharp witnesses can take ad-
vantage of that circumstance.
“Do you know when the
meetinghappened?” asked an
attorney of a hostile witness.
“Yes,” replied the witness.
“Will you tell us when it hap-
pened?” the attorney asked
further. “Yes,” replied the
witness, without volunteering
further information. Losing
patience, the attorney bel-
lowed “When did it happen?! ”
“Last spring,” the smiling
witness answered.
Unfortunately, some of the
funniest things that happen
in a courtroom setting can-
not be repeated in a family
newspaper for a G rated audi-
ence. I’ll have to leave those
for another venue.
©2016, Jim “Pappy”Moore,
All Rights Reserved.
Jim “Pappy” Moore is a
native son of East Texas who
still makes thepiney woods his
home, jim@cabin2015.com
The View from Writers Roost
By Willis Webb
Folks at small town news-
papers for any length of time
have been subjected to “mi-
crophone thrusters” at Friday
night football games.
Over the
years, I have
found that
small-town
radio stations
are faced with
some of the
same prob-
lems as coun-
try newspapers, principally a
shortage of help that leads to a
lot of double duty. And, despite
some natural enmity, bred by
the competitiveness to be the
best news medium in your
town, there comes a natural
tendency to latch onto a little
help from “the enemy” in cer-
tain situations. That enmity
never seemed to spill over into
real war. Some even conceded
that helping each other out
never seemed to be impeded
by the competitiveness.
Having never been eaten up
with hearing my own voice, I
was taken aback when, early
on in my country newspaper
career, broadcasters in little
towns had no compunction
about thrusting a microphone
under my nose whenever
the “need” struck them. At
first, the idea of “aiding the
‘enemy’” was just a tad both-
ersome, but then when you
view it as a little free publicity
and exposure on a competing
medium, that somehow makes
it palatable, particularly when
they let me say, “And, you can
re-live the game via a detailed
description in The 01’ Home-
town News.”
We didn’t have a radio
station in my hometown.
After two years of college, I
returned to OF Hometown
to be the news editor of the
weekly paper. Prior to my sit-
ting in the editor’ s chair there,
I became acquainted with a
guy who was in the furniture
business but was signed up to
record a play-by-play of the
game and broadcast it via
a neighboring town’s radio
station on Saturday morning.
We sat next to each other in
the “press box” at the Friday
night game and every so often
J. Ernest would suddenly
thrust the microphone un-
der my nose with a “Tell us
what happened on that play,
Willis.”
He and I got to be pals,
and at each game, he seemed
to rely more and more on
commentary from me to help
flesh out his broadcast. And I
learned to be ready with some
descriptive and explanatory
comments that began to seem
quite natural, that is, after I
learned to expect the mike at
measured intervals, because
J. Ernest’s voice would get
tired.
In another town in my no-
madic newspaper meander-
ings, a station owner who’d
mouthed derogatorily about
my newspaper, found himself
asking me to explain some play
or another because, frankly,
he didn’t know enough about
football to be broadcasting
play-by-play much less sen-
sibly commenting on any
aspect of the game. And, I
had begun my career writing
sports because I wanted to be
the World’s Greatest Sports-
writer, the next Grantland
Rice, acknowledged as The
Greatest in the first half of
the 20th Century.
Early on in my small town
publishing career, I found
that small town radio station
owners had little detailed
knowledge about the game...
usually just enough to get by
calling the contest in a small
market. And, many didn’t
hesitate to call on almost
anyone in the “press box”
(a loose description in many
little towns) to issue state-
ments about the football
game. Ultimately, I did publish
in a couple of towns where
the station owner/manager
hired someone knowledgeable
enough to do play-by-play and
also someone who could do
analysis and commentary on
the grid contest.
Part of that was “moving
on up” to markets that had a
radio station that could do a
game broadcast much more
professionally and micro-
phones were no longer thrust
under my nose for quick com-
mentary.
And, just when I thought I’d
become professional enough
behind the mike to sound like a
professional game analyst.
Plus, no one ever paid me
one thin dime for my “broad-
cast contributions.”
Willis Webb is a retired
community newspaper editor-
publisher of more than 50years
experience. Hecanbereachedby
email at wwebbl937@att.net.
Rear Vision Mirror
TEN YEARS AGO
First Baptist Church called
Todd Kaunitz to be its pastor
... Tammy Lee Keel’s photos
of some great horned owls
spotted in the Pritchett area
were on the front page . . .
Gilmer routed Pleasant Grove,
13-3, in Tyler to win bi-district
baseball playoff series . . .
Bill Starnes was elected first
commander of new “Upshur
Patriots” Sons of Confeder-
ate Veterans Camp ... Peggy
Venable of Americans for
Prosperity spoke to Upshur
County Taxpayer Assn. . . .
Stan Stokes emailed a photo
of himself on a sand dune in
Saudi Arabia, where he had
been working on a project to
add more offshore oil plat-
forms . . . Regular unleaded
was selling for $2.69 a gallon.
.. Deaths included Mrs. Grace
Finch, 93; Mrs. Lila Bryant, 92;
Mrs. Ethel Castle, 76; James
“Heffo” Heffernan, 64;... Mrs.
Jean Oliver hosted meeting of
Dahlia Garden Club... Twen-
tieth Century Club held spring
luncheon at Carson House in
T WENTY YEARS AGO
Robroy dedicated new of-
fices in Gilmer . . . County
Treasurer Myra Harris was
pictured with[ some of the
$30,000 worth of computer
equipment destroyed by light-
ning ... James Paul Thompson
was inducted into Phi Theta
Kappa at Jacksonville College
. . . George Easley, 45, died .
. . Dean Haws was reelected
GISD board president... New
Diana won state in One Act
Play; Mrs. Gloria McLuckie
directed the school’s cast and
crew in “Breaking the Prairie
Wolf Code” . . . Lake Fork
Reservoir was being drawn
down for safety inspection ..
. County Agent Randy Reeves
explained low oxygen levels
were causing fish kills in farm
ponds . . . Josh Garrett’s two
2-run homers led Gilmer over
Mount Vernon, 12-2, and into
playoffs against Atlanta.
THIRTY YEARS AGO
Bodies of Bryan Boone and
Gena Lee Turner, both20, were
found alongside FM1649 a mile
west of Ore City, five days
after the body of their friend,
Suzanne Harrison, had been
found on Barnwell Mountain;
the three Hawkins youth were
abducted from Lake Hawkins
. . . City Mgr. Lloyd Wood
resigned . . . Bogie Hill, area
peach producer, said his crop
was going to be “about a year
late” ... Deaths included Don
Shafer, 52; Barbara Osburn,
38; Charles Weatherby, 78 ...
Tarail Walker, Ronald Beasley
and Damon Hollis came away
with top honors at GHS ath-
letic banquet... St. Theresa’s
Catholic Church dedicated its
new building.
FORTY YEARS AGO
A balloon carrying scien-
tific instruments for research
landed in Loy Skinner’s pas-
ture northeast of Gilmer . . .
GHS won the 880-yard relay
at the girls’ state track meet;
their coach was Connie Powell
... Tommy Barker was named
Upshur County Extension
agent . . . Open house was
scheduled for new VFW head-
quarters here . .. Donna Lee
received $300 Beta Sigma Phi
scholarship . . . Gilmer FFA
Grass Judging team won first
place at the Upshur-Gregg
judging contest; members
were David McQueen, Randall
Spencer, Mark Stephenson
and Johnnie Williams... Janie
Gavin, GHS valedictorian of
1972, received her B.A. degree
from Palm Beach Atlantic Col-
lege in Florida.
FIFTY YEARS AGO
District Clerk Edwin Poole,
justreelected, died and his wife
was named to fill out his term
... Leo Williams, opponent of
Poole in the primary election,
was nominated on the general
election ballot by Democratic
Party committee . . . Pine
Acres won first in the district
in Extension Service Com-
munity Improvement contest
... Mary Wade of Gilmer won
first in a Dental Assn, science
fair in Dallas ... Gilmer City
Council signed contract with
consulting firm for “master
plan” of development... Peter
Herrmann was named to an
honorary engineering society
at the University of Houston..
. Larry Henson earned degree
in business from SFA ... On
Mother’s Day, all children
(See Rear Vision, Page 5)
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Parker, Vic. The Gilmer Mirror (Gilmer, Tex.), Vol. 139, No. 19, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 12, 2016, newspaper, May 12, 2016; Gilmer, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth879318/m1/4/?q=Homecoming+queen+1966+North+Texas+State+University: accessed June 19, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Upshur County Library.