Howard Payne University Yellow Jacket (Brownwood, Tex.), Vol. 83, No. 17, Ed. 1, Thursday, February 16, 1995 Page: 7 of 8
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7 February 16 1995
ENTERTAINMENT
Valentine's Day too sweet mushy silly sickening and distastf ul for me
Since I'm pretty much known
as "holiday boy" when it comes
to this column. Heck I've talked
about every major holiday I could
so hey! This should be no surprise.
Let's discuss Valentine's Day.
I remember this holiday as a
kid. We'd make little Valentine's
Day sacks in school and every kid
in the class would bring those little
paper valentines with Garfield
Strawberry Shortcake Care Bears
and all that other cutc-sy wootsy
things and put them in the other
sacks. They'd also put extra ones
in the sacks or the kids they liked
the best. This is where every boy
wanted that extra one or two from
Susie (or whatever her name was).
You'd even go so far as to count
the same one twice just to make
you feel better.
Thcrc'd also be that kid who
didn't like to shower as often as
Stone shoots herself in the foot with latest flick The Quick
I love westerns. I always have
and therefore it seemed fitting
that I should review "The Quick
and the Dead" this week. I was
hesitant at first because I thought
that because Sharon Stone was the
big star in this one the movie
would turn into a male-bashing
party (although some men deserve
it) set in a western theme. I had
already seen "Bad Girls" which
was a waste of money and I didn't
want a repeat. However this was
not the case.
Stone stars as Ellen a
gunslingin' lady who rides into
the Ariona town of Redemption
(quite a fitting name) looking for
revenge against the evil mayor of
the town Herod played by Gene
Hackman. She finds hcrscll enter-
ing in the quick draw competition
along with a motley group of char-
acters including Herod his son
everyone calls the Kid (Leonard
Decaprio) and a gunslinger-turncd-prcacher
named Cort. Con
is made to enter the contest by
Herod because he personally has
a vendetta against him since he
and Cort used to ride together.
This movie was so interesting
to me because I found myself en-
joying so much of it and disliking
so much of it as well. Director
Sam Raimi copies the styles of
some of the great westerns of the
past including "The Wild Bunch."
"The Good The Bad and the
Ugly" and most recently
"Unforgivcn." It had the "look" of
John 4t
Rabon f " 1
- wr?
Virtual v4A'
Patriarch $
the other kids. He (or she) would
get the minimum number of val-
entines and sulk in the corner. I
think this is when I started dislik-
ing the holiday.
The worst part of Valentine's
Day is if it comes around and your
single. This is a huge slap in the
face for single people. I know
because I've been single ever V-
day until this one. Not only do you
not get or give anything this day
you arc forced to sec gushy over-
affectionate couples expressing
their feelings RIGHT IN FRONT
CRITIC'S
O
a western that I would enjoy.
There were rough characters a
deserted-looking town and a huge
clock right in the middle of the
town by which the quick draw
competition was run by.
I loved the plot. I had always
wanted to see a movie like this
one. Unfortunately. Raimi could
have directed the film to keep the
excitement up. Sure he used dif-
ferent styles from the masters of
the westerns like Sergio Leone
but he built up every quick draw
in the picture. Tins is a problem
because alter so many climaxes in
the movie you become almost
bored with it by the lime it comes
down to the last confrontation. If
he only would have played down
some of the insignificant conflicts
the movie would have been bet-
ter off.
Hackman gives a repeat perfor-
mance of his sheriff from
"Unforgivcn." only a little bit
more cruel. My favorite charac-
ter in the film was Cort because
ol the conflict between his past
by dR
John 2 Q
Rabon ij Q
OF YOU!!
"Oh honey you arc so sweet."
"Soareou Sugar lumps."
"Oh darling."
"Marsha." "John." "Marsha."
"John!" "Marsha!"
COME ON! Have a little cour-
tesy for those who have just eaten
until you arc in privacy.
If you arc dating it's a day
where you have to be extra spe-
cial to your loved one which is a
crock because you should act that
way as much as possible anyway.
You shouldn't do it just once a
year.
Yes Valentine's Day is the time
of year where personal items of
former boyiriends (or girlfriends)
and burned mangled and de-
stroyed in bittci revenge by their
new owners.
Have you ever thought how
dumb son o of the aspects of V-
and his present which arc light-
ing lor his future.
Stone unlortunately just does
not cut it in this role I can think
of quite a lew more women that
could have done this film more
justice. Stone probably couldn't
help it. The writer of the film
could have helped her by devel-
oping her charactera little more.
The worst part olthc film is that
there aren't thai many great lines
by the heroine. For example:
Bad guy: "You're pretty" or "I
need a woman."
Ellen: "You're not." Or "You
need a bath."
I'm sorr.hul that's not good
enough. This picture needs a little
bit more verbal wit Something
like this Irom Sergio Leone's
"Fistful of Dollars" starring Clint
Eastwood (Bad guys have just
shot at the feet ol Eastwood's
mule causing him to go Hying
oil'.):
Bad Guys (4 ol em) "Hey
why don't you go get your mule.
Did he gel away from you?"
The man with no name: "Thai's
what I want to talk to you about.
He got all riled up when you men
shot at his leel I understand you
were just playin' a joke bul the
mule doesn't gel u. Of course if
you were to apologic."
Bad Guys laugh. Eastwood
gets that look in his eye.
"I don't think it's right you
laughin' You see. my mule don't
like people laughing. He gels the
day arc. Sure there arc some good
tilings to this holiday but it's no
fun to write about them. It's more
fun to discuss why we have a na-
ked baby with wings running
around shooting people wherever
with an arrow. This arrow of
course causes them to fall in love
with someone or anyone. That's
about the sickest thing I've heard
since I heard the BccGccs cut a
new album.
Another tiling how about those
little heartshaped candies with
dumb sayings on them like. "Be
mine" or "Don't Tell" or "Please
Shave." I think I get a ton of this
candy every year. It's probably the
worst tasting candy since Pc..
And you only cat it for a week
then you let the rest rot for a few
months before you throw the
candy tray away.
Well you're probably saying to
cra.y idea you're laughing at him.
Now if you'll apologic like I
know you're going to. I m jhl
convince him you didn't mean it."
Silence. Five shots later.
Eastwood walks away with lour
men on the ground.
There's a big dilfcrcncc don't
you think? Also the movie could
have used Ennio Morriconc to do
the music instead of what they
went with. It would have helped
FRIDAY NTGHT
MAVERICK
il&ji-
II
iillll Jiii
IMI
UI
- '.'iWI'JP:-
I'll - "l tlJJ K
yourself "Hey John do you like
any holidays?" This is a strange
thing to say to yourself but as a
matter of fact I do have a favorite
holiday: Columbus Day.
The reason I like Columbus
Day is because it's giving credit
to a guy for doing something he
didn't really do. Columbus didn't
discover America that honor went
to Amerigo Vespucci. Oh sure we
named the Americas after him but
he didn't get a holiday did he?
There's no Vespucci Day (prob-
ably because it sounds dirty). But
basically what Columbus Day
represents is that anyone can get
their own holiday. Even me. Even
you. All you have to do is almost
do something great and then die
for a few hundred years.
That's the end of the history
lesson for today class. I'll sec you
next week.
and the Dead
a little bit. Otherwise you're lcll
with a few good fight scenes and
that's all.
II ihey would have changed
these few items "The Quick and
the Dead" would have been al-
most legendary. Instead it rests in
the land of the mediocre. On a
scale of 1 to 10 long-toothed computer-hacking
lemurs. This some-
times entertaining movie gets a 5.
maybe a 6. Flip a coin.
8pm MIMS
mvi
'.i
U:iwramraiutfmi
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Howard Payne University Yellow Jacket (Brownwood, Tex.), Vol. 83, No. 17, Ed. 1, Thursday, February 16, 1995, newspaper, February 16, 1995; Brownwood, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth103331/m1/7/: accessed April 30, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Howard Payne University Library.