The Megaphone (Georgetown, Tex.), Vol. 83, No. 16, Ed. 1 Thursday, February 2, 1989 Page: 2 of 8
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^■n2*trEDITORIAL / OPINION
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Locking ourselves in
Attack of the Mega-ads
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Dear Editor,
We are writing in response to a
letter published in the January 19,
1989 edition of the Megaphone.
We understand and respect the
concerns held by Angela Sparks
and others with similar views.
After discussing the topic of dorm
security, we wanted to share our
own opinions.
As college is a period of
transition between the shelter of
home and the independence of adult
life, one must a able to adjust and
prepare for the future, and
interactions with members of the
opposite sex.
Living in a small, secluded
university, we are protected from
many real life situations. After
graduation, when one enters "the
real world," there will no longer be
campus police and other securities
constantly at our convenience
within a one mile radius. The
student body is living in a very
sheltered environment, which
creates a false sense of security
later in life.
It is essential to come to the
realization that we can not go
through life depending on others to
protect us. We all sympathize
with Angela's reaction to the
opperator's comments. Obviously,
there is-no need to voluntarily
invite harm upon ourselves.
However, by locking the doors 24
hours a day, as Angela suggested,
we are not locking others out, but
ourselves in.
Sincerely,
Tanya Bleke, Jennifer Doyle,
Candace Finan, Kris Callahan,
Claire Judkins, and Dorothy Light
by Craig McKinney
In recent weeks, the airwaves have
been cluttered with a new breed of
audio-visual litter. This new genre
(and I use that word loosely) came to
my attention last week when I had
fallen victim to the flu-like illness
which had been plaguing the campus,
the illness with symptoms not unlike
those of death (i.e. you don't feel so
good and you are unable to do much
besides lie in your bed). As I lay
snugly tucked beneath the covers, I
flipped through the channels to see if
anything on television struck my
fancy.
The Sunday night television menu
proved to be less-than-appetizing:
post-Super Bowl coverage, a Tracey
Uliman re-run, and a doctors-and-
nurses-and-people-dying show. Since I
had no interest in any of these, I
decided to turn off the television in
favor of the ultimate sick-person
pastime, simulated hibernation.
Unfortunately, on my last glance
through the channels, I caught a
glimpse of a program I hadn't noticed
before because it was on one of those
stations which only tunes in on my
television when someone in the
vicinity it holding a coat havger into
the air or when atmospheric conditions
are optimum. To the untrained
observer, this appeared to be a talk
show a la Oprah Winfrey or Geraldo.
However, on closer inspection, I
identified this program as one of a new
breed of television phenomenon, the
Thirty-Minute Commercial Disguised
as Normal Television Program. For
those of you who have not yet
witnessed one of these spectacles for
yourselves, I will attempt to acquaint
you with their general premise.
Lights come up on the set of The
Oprah Winfrey Show, but Miss
Winfrey is nowhere to be seen. In her
usual place sits a perky, slender, blonde
host.
On tonight’s show—CELLULlTE (
pronounced by her as "sell-you-leet"), a
problem facing ninety-eight percent of
all women today. What can be done
about it? Let's talk to some ladies in
our studio audience who have fought
the battle with cellulite . . . and won.
A slender New Jersey housewife
slinks up to the podium and reads
mechanically from a cue card.
HOUSEWIFE: I once had terrible
cellulite. I would look at myself in the
mirror and say, "Ugh. What terrible
cellulite!" The I heard about the
Johnson Institute. I gave them a call,
and in two weeks my cellulite was
gone.
The other women in the audience
ooh and ahh as another victim of
cellulite stands up to relate the story of
her victory. Next, the perky, slender,
blonde host introduces Dr. Madge
Johnson, noted expert on cellulite and
founder of the Johnson Institute
Cellulite Removal Program with
patented pine tree resin cellulite-
dissolving ointment. After several
minutes of intense medical discussion
including animated drawings of cellulite
cells at work, the program cuts to a
commercial, an advertisement
explaining how you, too, can order the
Johnson Institute Home Treatment Kit
for only $19.95 by dialing 1-800-FAT
BOON. Then the program continues
for twenty four minutes with guest
after guest touting the virtues of this
marvelous program. By the end of the
EDITOR
NEWS/FEATURES EDITOR
A&E EDITOR
SPORTS
PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR
CARTOONIST
AD MANAGER
TYPESETTING
show, I was feeling guilty that I wasn’t
a victim of cellulite and, therefore,
could not use this wonderful new
product
The most frightening thing about
this whole matter is that there is a
whole militia of similar mega-ads just
waiting to wage war on every
household in America. The aim of
these programs is to dazzle the
untrained viewer with pseudo-scientific
jargon and unorthodox pronunciations
of well-known words. Any viewer
with half a brain knows that "cellulite"
is correctly pronounced to rhyme with
"well, you might" and not with "fell
two feet" as the writers of Health
Watch '89 would like for us to believe.
My advice to you: don't be tricked
by these programs. As soon as you
realize that you are watching one of
these mega-ads, head for the hills, flee
into the woods, stop, drop, and roll.
Do whatever you need to do, but
DONT PICK UP THE PHONE. Take
a tip from someone who-learned a
lesson the hard way. By the way, if
you are looking for an early Christmas
gift for that special person in your life,
I have 32 cases of Johnson Institute
Home Treatment Kits in my dorm
room. I’d pay you to get them off my
hands.
STEPHANIE GIMENEZ
TONIA COOK
ALISON GREEN
HEATH DOLLAR
JOE WEEDON
NATE MCCARTY
GEORGIANNE HEWETT
SHELLY MOSHER
STEPHANIE MOLNAR
LARA STEWART
Rive your
Valentine little
T.L.C.
863-6183
o r
863-9837
2324 North Austin Avenue
(Across from the high school,
one block north)
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The Megaphone (Georgetown, Tex.), Vol. 83, No. 16, Ed. 1 Thursday, February 2, 1989, newspaper, February 2, 1989; (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth634829/m1/2/?q=hamilton+county: accessed July 17, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Southwestern University.