Shiner Gazette (Shiner, Tex.), Vol. 25, No. 40, Ed. 1 Thursday, June 27, 1918 Page: 3 of 10
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SHINER GAZETTE, SHINER, TEXAS
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COURTING TROUBLE.
It was a red-letter day for Pat Fin-
negan. For the first .time he was a
member of a jury. Dressed in his best
suit he was about to depart for the
courthouse when his wife asked him
•where he was going.
“Shure, an’ it’s to coort Oi’m go-
ing,” replied Pat.
The next day the same thing hap-
pened. However, on the third morn-
ing things cairn? to a climax. Mrs.
Finnegan again asked the question.
“Shure, it’s to coort Oi’m going,’
said Pat.
Mrs. Finnegan took the rolling pin
and got in Pat’s way.
“Now, Pat,” she replied, “take off
them good clothes; yer not going to
coort. If there’s any coortin’ to be
done, shure, ye’ll do it here, an’ dr.
it with me!”
LUCK.
Had Her Way.
Patience—So Peggy’s engaged 1
Paul at last?
Patrice—Sure. She’s landed him.
“You know she always would have
her own way.”
“But will she now?”
“Of course, she will. He asked her
to name the day, and she wouldn’t do
it. She insisted that the ceremony
should be performed at night.”
A HINT.
Exactly.
By subterfuge he got away
From cops on the qui vive,
And so became, as one might say,
A subterfugitive.
last
First Manager—Then you had a sat-
isfactory season?
Second Manager—Very! Two of our
most antagonistic critics died.
Gassed.
The perfume of the wildwood flower
Expands across the scene,
And then is wholly smothered by
The scent of gasoline.
Selt-Help.
“Don’t you hate a man who insists
on being waited on instead of doing
things for himself?” asked one woman.
“No,” answered the other. “Our
home would be much happier if my
husband didn’t get the lights and the
doorbell all mixed up owing to his im-
pression that he is a natural-born elec-
trician.”
k CHILD GETS SIGH
CROSS, FEVERISH
IF CONSTIPATED
LOOK AT TONGUE! THEN GIVE
FRUIT LAXATIVE FOR STOM-
ACH, LIVER, BOWELS.
Very Much So.
“The discipline in the navy is very
strict, isn’t it?”
“Yes; even the vessels which don’t
keep up with the others are docked
for it.”
Father—Agnes,, is that young mau
still there?
Daughter—Yes, papa.
Father—Then ask him to bring in
the morning paper before he goes, will
you, dear?
Too Busy Knitting.
“I proposed to Miss Peacher
night.”
“Did she accept you?”
“She said, ‘Yes,’ in an absent-minded
way, but I’m afraid that isn’t final.’
“Why not?”
“She was knitting at the time. I
don’t believe she understood what I
asked her.”
Nowadays.
Beggar—Could you spare a hungry
man a nickel?
Cholly—Yes, if you’ll tell me where
a man can buy anything to eat with
a nickel.
BUSINESS.
Rustic Plutocracy.
“Thousands of dollars pass through
a bank teller’s hands daily.”
“That’s nothing. Think of what
passes through a farmer’s hands who
milks twenty cows.”
In These Days.
“It’s as useless as the fifth wheel to
a wagon.”
“That adage Is out of date. All au-
tomobiles carry extra tires.”
Not Always.
“Talk is cheap.”
“Not when you tell a policeman
your opinion of him, and have to pay
$10 and costs.”
Natural Inquiry.
Father of Family—The new ship, I
understand, beat her record.
Small Boy—I say, Pop, did she do
It with her spanker?
A Sleepy Humorist.
Mrs. Timmid—John, wake up!
There’s a man downstairs; I’m sure I
heard a noise that sounded like a
yawn.
Husband—Oh. go to sleep. What you
heard was probably the rubber plant
stretching itself.”
Just Reward.
Weary Willie—Dat’s the worst pie
I ever tasted.
Mrs. Jones—Wait just a minute and
I’ll give you a dollar. That pie was
baked by my husband’s mother.
“CALIFORNIA SYRUP OF FIGS”
CAN'T HARM CHILDREN AND
THEY LOVE IT.
&===S
The Cause.
“The man who insulted me wrote
me a very lame apology.”
“But, .then, you . know, he had
sprained his wrist.”
Recrimination.
He—You think you are deep, my
dear, but to me you are an open book.
She—Maybe I am, but you can’t shut
me up.
A Sure Defense.
“Did you ever see a gas mask?”
“Sure; you can see one every time
on the gasman’s face when you go to
complain of your meter.”
“Harper says that every husband
Should wash the dishes for his wife."
“And who is Harper?”
“He is in the china business.”
Their Way.
"Average juries remind me of a self-
cocking revolver.”
•'in what way?”
“They go off as soon as they’re
charged, hut nobody knows what
they’re going to hit.”
A Good Reason.
“Why don’t you accept him if he has
offered to have his life insured in your
favor?”
“Because if he was a good risk for
the insurance company, he’d be a bad
one for me.”
Mother! Your child isn’t naturally
cross and peevish. See if tongue is
coated; this is a sure sign the little
stomach, liver and bowels need a
cleansing at once.
When listlesjs, pale, feverish, full of
cold, breath bad, throat sore, doesn’t
eat, sleep or act naturally, has stom-
ach-ache, diarrhoea, remember, a gen-
tle liver and bowel cleansing should
always be the first treatment given.
Nothing equals “California Syrup of
Figs” for children’s ills; give a tea-
spoonful, and in a few hours all the
foul waste, sour bile and fermenting
food which is clogged in the bowels
passes out of the system,. and- yo;u
have a well and playful child again.
All children love this harmless, delir
cious “fruit laxative,” and it never
fails to effect a good “inside” cleans-
ing. Directions for babies, children
of all ages and grown-ups are plainly
on the bottle.
Keep it handy in your home. A little
given today saves a sick child tomor-
row, but get the genuine. Ask your
druggist for a bottle of “California
Syrup of Figs,” then see that it is
made by the “California Fig Syrup
Company.”—Adv.
Sure to Win the War.
The great strategy of war is to
think quick, and shoot straight and
fast.
FRECKLES
N*??/ h the Time to Get Rid of These Ugly Spots
Tfiere’s no longer the slightest need of feeling
ashamed of your freckles, as Othine—double
strength—is guaranteed to remove these homely
spots.
Simply get an ounce of Othine—double
strength—from your druggist, and apply a little
of it night and morning and you should' soon see
that even the worst freckles have begun to dis-
appear, while the lighter ones have vanished en-
tirely. It is seldom that more than one ounce
is needed to completely clear the skin and gain
a beautiful clear complexion.
Be sure to ask for the double strength Othine,
as this is sold under guarantee of money back
if it fails to remove freckles.—Adv.
sincere! My medicine does not upset liver
and bowels so yon lose a day’s work.
r The Mathematical Mind.
“Wliat was the anstyer to that in-
vestigation?”
“It turned out,” replied Senator Sor-
ghum, “like some of these sums in
decimal fractions. The problem
seemed simple enough, but you could
prolong the answer indefinitely.”
The Strong Withstand the Heat of Summer
Old
Whi
Better Than the Weak
who are feeble
f° ^KOVK^S^AST^L^BhUl TONIC mfr by tal!>
and enriches the blood and builds up the whole1sys-
tem. Von can^soon feel its Strengthening, Invigor-
Oyer a million tons of food were
shipped to our allies in March.
A fixed price is not improved by of-
fering an excuse.
You’re bilious! Your liver is slug-
gish ! You feel lazy, dizzy and all
knocked out. Your head is dull, your
tongue is coated; breath bad; stomach
sour and bowels constipated. But
don’t take salivating calomel. It makes
you sick; you may lose a day’s work.
Calomel is mercury or quicksilver,
which causes necrosis of the bones.
Calomel crashes into sour bile like
dynamite, breaking it up. That’s when
you feel that awful nausea and cramp-
ing.
If you want to enjoy the nicest, gen-
tlest liver and bowel cleansing you
ever experienced just take a spoonful
of harmless Dodson’s Liver Tone to-
night. Your druggist or dealer sells
you a bottle of Dodson’s Liver Tone
for a few cents under my personal
money-back guarantee that each spoon-
ful will clean your sluggish liver bet-
ter than a dose of nasty calomel and
that it won’t make you sick.
Dodson’s Liver Tone is real liver
medicine. You’ll know it next morn-
ing because you will wake up feeling
fine, your liver will be working, your
headache and dizziness gone, your
stomach will be sweet and your bowels
regular. You will feel like working;
you’ll be cheerful; full of vigor and
ambition.
Dodson’s Liver Tone is entirely
vegetable, therefore harmless and can
not salivate. Give it to your children.
Millions of people are using Dodson’s
Liver Tone instead of dangerous calo-
mel now. Your druggist will tell you
that the sale of calomel is almost
stopped entirely here.—Adv.
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$
s
; ’M
Middle Aged.
Womeiv.
Are Here Told the Best Remedy
for Their Troubles,
Freemont, O.—“I was passing through the critical
period of life, being forty-six years of age and had all
the symptoms incident to that change — heat flashes,
nervousness, a^d was in a general run down condition, <
eo it was hard for me to do my work. Lydia E. Pink-
ham’s Vegetable Compound was recommended to me as
the best remedy for my troubles,which it surely proved
to be. I feel better and stronger in every way since
taking it, and the annoying symptoms have disap-
peared.”—Mrs. M, Godden, 925 Napoleon St.5 Fremont,
Ohio.
North Haven, Conn.—“Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegeta-
is nothing like it to overcome the trying symptoms.’
•—Mrs. Florence Isella, Box 197, North Haven, Conn,
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Cuticura for Sore Hands.
Soak hands on retiring in the hot suds
of Cuticura Soap, dry and rub in Cu-
ticura Ointment. Remove surplus
Ointment with soft tissue paper. For
free samples address, “Cuticura, Dept.
X, Boston.” At druggists and by mail.
Soap 25, Ointment 25 and 50.—Adv.
iM
Its Proper Name.
“What do you think of my daugh-
ter’s execution on the piano?”
“I think I would look on it more as
murdering time.”
Grossly Material.
“What is your favorite perfume?”
“Well,” replied Mr. Cumrox, “in the
evening it’s, mint; but in the morning
it’s ham and eggs.”
rEvery W Oman W ants^
ANTISEPTIC POWDER
FOR PERSONAL HYGIENE
Dissolved an water for douches stops
pelvic catarrh, ulceration and inflam-
mation. Recommended by Lydia E.
Pinkham Med. Co, for ten years.
A healing wonder for nasal catarrh,
sore throat and sore eyes. Economical.
Has extraordinary cleansing and germicidal power.
Sample Free. 50c. all druggists, or postpaid by
V. mau. The Paxton Toilet Company, Boston, Macs.
St S ndftCases
f LYDIA E. PINKHAM’S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND
bm tits €§f@®te@f mmwd f At greatest I
LYDIA E.PINKHAM MEDICINE CO. LYNN.MASS*
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Pleasing Everybody.
“That lecturer is very popular. He
gives it to the saints and the sinners
alike.”
“Well'?”
“And that seems to make a hit with
both classes.”
HEADACHES
should be
save strain on
This distressing Ailment
relieved at once and
Nervous System._ CAPUDINE gives
quick relief. It’s a liquid—Pleasant to
take.—Adv.
Faint Hope.
“Wanderlust says he would like to
go out West and settle.”
“Well, I hope he settles with me be-
fore he goes.”—Answers.
Texas Directory
GENERAL HARDWARE
AND SUPPLIES
Contractors Supplies, Builders
Hardware, Etc. Prices and In-
formation furnished on request
PEDEN IRON & STEEL CO.
HOUSTON SAN ANTONIO
McCANE'S DETECTIVE AGENCY
HOUSTON,TEXAS
Expert Civil and Criminal Investigator*.
MALE AND FEMALE OFEKATIVES.
Too Much to Ask.
The Lady—Can I have this sent on
approval ?
Clerk—Yes, madam, but you’ll have
to return it in seven days.
The Lady—Goodness gracious! How
can I make up my mind in seven days?
—Judge.
Why buy many bottles of other Vermi-
fuges, when one bottle of Dr. Peery’s “Dead
Shot” will act surely and promptly?
Adv.
A Danish scientist has invented an
electrical insulating material made
from fish offal.
MONEY shipments of Bggs, Pou
Buttsr Beeswax. Pecans. Babbits.
ixt train for your
i of Bggs, Poultry,
i to.
Jones-Brewi
Ustabllshed 1891
ster Co., Hi
Houston
Capital 126.000
Eight of the olive trees in the his-
toric Garden of Olives at Jerusalem
are more than 1,000 years old.
Banish the Glooms.
Drill your thoughts, shut out the
gloomy and call in the bright.—John
Richard Green.
Most men are polished by bumping
against the passing years.
Empty Sacks—Lumber
We buy empty sacks. Highest cash
prices. Cash advanced on lumber also.
UNITED LUMBER MILLS, LNC^,
NEW ORLEANS. LA.
W. N. U., HOUSTON, NO. 26-1918.
Knnsii
»
:ne
For MALARIA, OIILLS and FEVER.
ALSO A FINE GENERAL STRENGTHEN-
ING TONIC. Sold by All Druo Stores.
Right
Side
*
let!
Site
A Memento of fhe World’s
Greatest of All War9
Something to carry Into the years to come
history of tomorrow.
jur children’s children—
when the great events of today have passed into
istory of tomorrow. A memento of this eventful
period will be treasured by your children’s children-
It will show that your moral support was to the great
cause of LIBERTY and JUSTICE. *8 Made of white metal,
beautifully designed into a convenient pocket piece.
Send 25 cents to
THE LIBERTY NOVELTY MEG. CO. „ .
819 Free Press Bldg. Detroit, Mich., D. S. A.
GROVE’S BABY BOWEL MEDICINE
This valuable and harmless Baby Medicine is composed of the following:
BISMUTH, TIME, PEPSIN AND CATECHU WITH PURE SIMPLE SYRUP
Bismuth is healing to the mucous membrane of the stomach; the Lime neutralizes the acid where there is a sour
stomach; the Pepsin digests any indigestible food that may be in the stomach, and tihe Catechu acts as a mild astringent
to control the bowels where there is a disposition to Dysentery, Diarrhoea, Flux or Sick Stomach.
GROVE’S BABY BOWEL MEDICINE is not a patent medicine. We give the ingredients and tell the effect of
each ingredient so that you can judge for yourself.
SPECIAL NOTICE.—This preparation does not contain Morphine or Opium in any form and we dont advocate
the giving of Opiates unless it is absolutely necessary.
AIDS
DIGESTION
For Dyspeptics who are
Troubled with Sour Stomach
RELIEVES
SOUR STOMACH ________ _
It Relieves Stomach and Bowel Trouble and Is Just as Good for Adults as for Children
We have numerous letters on file from parties claiming that this preparation relieved their babies of Qiromc
Dysentery, where everything else had failed and where they had been troubled in this way for several years. Cnnaren
like to take it.
For sale by all Dealers in Drugs. .
Made and recommended to the public by PALIS MEDICINE CO., Manufacturers of LAXATIVE BKOMO
QUININE and GROVE’S TASTELESS CHILL TONIC, St Louis, Mo.
IV
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■ $$$*&
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Habermacher, J. C. & Lane, Ella E. Shiner Gazette (Shiner, Tex.), Vol. 25, No. 40, Ed. 1 Thursday, June 27, 1918, newspaper, June 27, 1918; Shiner, Texas. (https://texashistory.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metapth1142319/m1/3/?q=music: accessed July 18, 2024), University of North Texas Libraries, The Portal to Texas History, https://texashistory.unt.edu; crediting Shiner Public Library.